Cry Me a River

[CryBaby]

I can't stop crying and I don't know why...besides having cancer and all.

I am Stage 3 and working full-time while receiving FOLFOX treatments. I've only had four treatments and have not had any serious side effects. I feel fine. I'm very positive and upbeat person and I never got mad or terribly upset after I was diagnosed. Maybe that's the problem. Maybe I'm about to explode.

Anyway, I keep having to take breaks from work this week bc I get so frustrated I start to cry and can't control my tears. It is embarrassing.

Does chemo affect my mood or hormones?
Does anyone else feel like they are on an emotional rollercoaster?

[northern lights]

I was diagnosed in Jan 06, stage III, 35 years old and I just finished 6/12.

I know what you mean about the crying. I walked into the hospital today to have my bottle taken away and when the nursed asked me how I was I started crying and couldn't stop.

I think it is part of the resiganation that this is real. I am tired of not sleeping good, tired of all the stupid comments people make, tired of being nauseaus and tired of having to tell my kids that mommy can't play because she is not feeling well.

Crying felt good.

[Mona6518]

Just chiming in about the crying....

I've been doing alot of it too off and on since my diagnosis (it seems to be tapering off these last few weeks).

I chalk it up to the tremendous impact that being diagnosed with cancer has on your psyche. Turns out there's even an offical pyschologicial diagnosis that could cover it - which my chemo brain won't recall right now. But basically it's about having issues adjusting after a life changing event has happened (aka being diagnosed).

Alot of folks I've spoken with speak about having two lives... the life before diagnosis and the life after. Crying seems to be part of coming to terms with it.

Anyhow... you're not alone.
Monkey

[Magnolia]

CryBaby, you didn't say how old you are and if you are a woman. Chemo could be putting you into menopause. THAT can bring on the mood swings.

I'm in the opposite situation. I'm not crying at all. It seems very wierd to me. I tear up occasionally, but I haven't had a real boo-hoo yet. I've never been much of a crier, but this doesn't seem healthy. I hope I don't save it all up and have a total breakdown at some point in the future. I think you folks who are letting it out now are on the right track.

Just remember the future IS bright. I have Stage IIIC and I'm looking forward to a long and healthy life. Odds are in our favor.

[CryBaby]

I turned 30 on May 18th. I was diagnosed on April 29th and was only 29 years old. I did skip my last menstrual cycle but I don't think I am going through early menopause. That would totally suck!! I want kids in my future.

I was also diagnosed as Stage IIIC.

I started crying again when reading everyone's response. I guess I'm just an emotional basketcase right now.

Oh no, a Hallmark commercial is on....I'd better get a kleenex.

[Magnolia]

Some women are saying their periods are coming back after treatment. I adopted my daughter. I was infertile before all this started. First things first. Just get through treatment and see if your periods come back. Then take it from there.

[CryBaby]

Magnolia - thank you for reminding me I have many options in my future.

[northern lights]

I have had 6 treatments and periods as per normal. If you are like me, crying is the only way I know how to let out emotions whether they are feer, happiness or sadness. Crying is way better than getting angry. The one big lesson I have learned from cancer is to live in the moment. I think about life after cancer, but right now I put all of my energy (what little I have) into the things that I can control. Enjoying the goods days, fighting through the bad days and dreaming about a long healthy life!!! (and ice cream sundaes!!!)

[rthornton]

Well, being male I haven't miss any periods, but I can relate to the emotional stress. I also was never really affected so much when I was diagnosed stage IV last May, and for some reason I've had loads and loads of anxiety just in the past couple of weeks. It's like it all waited to happen at once! So maybe early menopause is the reason, but maybe it's just the stress of cancer. I wish I had an answer for all of us, but I've no clue how to handle all the bad emotions .....

[Tammy Figg]

I wanted to ask you about your thought on kids. Have you explored your options, are you going to have radiation? I was a stage III rectal cancer patient and thankfully did harvest my eggs and have a baby now, and have not had a period in 4 years, and am in menopause.

From what I have been told, while in treatment the body is in not in sync and you have a whirl wind of emotions. I would cry when my treatment would get postponed due to blood counts. Not that I loved the treatment but I counted on getting it so it would be done.

With all that you are going through, you deserve a good cry...

[northern lights]

Since I started following this forum, I notice that I do tear up over just about anything!! A good song, encouragement from a friend or seeing anyone else crying and I am lost.

[CryBaby]

I'm not marrired or dating anyone right now so kids are not something I can really imagine having anytime soon. My sister is pregnant and has a 20 month old baby with whom I like to spend as much time with as possible. My niece puts a smile on my face! As for radiation, I am not receiving it. I spoke briefly with my doctor about harvesting eggs but we agreed it was best to start chemo as soon as possible. I want the cancer out of my body. Right now my time is focused on a new position at work (probably why I cry so frickin much) and frying every little cancer cell in my body. After that, I hope I will be at a more mature point in my life to really invest time in finding the right man and starting a family. Where or where could my prince charming be?

Tammy - How old are you? Did the radiation put you in menopause or did the chemo..or the combination?

[northern lights]

I agree that you need to put all of your energy and focus into fighting the monster... but there is life after cancer. If kids are important to you, it is worth another conversation with your Dr. The last thing you want is to ever say..."if only I had known" Live your life now and after without the need for regrets.

[cynnycal]

Chemo can put you in temporary menopause, but its usually not permanent. but radiation is pretty much 100% guarantee to kill your ovaries and put you in menopause.

[colondarmsjuly2006]

Hi there!

I am Ms. July, 2006. I briefly read over the postings re: this topic. One word came to mind: depression. Constant crying is a symptom of depression. I know; I had it. I founded and facilitated depression support groups for 15 years. Worst part of the stage 3 colon cancer? Not the surgery, not the chemo..it was depression.

Good news! It's treatable! Requires action on your part. Get out there and talk with your family physician. If need be, get hooked up with a mental health counselor. Depression is a real illness. Many folks do not buy into that fact; family members may not. Don't worry about what they think; do what you need to to get help. You're unhappy, you are dealing with this situation; do what you need to to get it resolved. If it means owning up to the possibility you have depression..go for it. If you can identify a problem, you have a better chance of fixing it. You are doing that...you hooked up with this group...that takes courage. Yeah! I totally love it! I want to see you take control of what's going on and change that username to something positive. It can be done with some effort on your part. It didn't take 5 minutes to get to where you are, it will take some effort to get you not to where you once were but, a stronger, more confident person. Make it happen!

If you do get hooked up with a mental health counselor; there are thingsI want to share with you that have helped me. Tangible things I could do to alleviate the symptoms of depression that went beyond traditional treatments. These are things you can do..they are difficult to do for someone diagnosed with depression because depression depletes your energy.
1. Know this; not all mental health counselors are the perfect fit for you. You may have to fire one or two..this is your life and you are worthy of the best treatment possible. If you cannot communicate/connect with a mental health counselor, run, do not walk to another one. Be sure though, that you give the counselor the chance - you have a responsibility also to ensure you communicate your intentions clearly. Don't feel that just because the service you are receiving is not what you feel is helping you is solely the fault of the counselor. Takes two... Hook up with someone that will listen to you and help guide you to make the decisions you feel comfortable with.
2. You take a proactive approach to managing your health. What that means is that, if you do go to a mental health counselor, you decide what you want to talk about in a session. If something is bothering you, write it down (memory isn't the best when depressed!) and take it to your session to discuss.
3. I've heard that depression is anger turned inward, result: crying. I do believe that. Sometimes, it can be difficult to determine gosh, am I sad or hey, am I angry about something and just not addressing it appropriately? The important thing comes down to talking. Talk with friends (you might have pushed them away - believe me, your friends are there for you, you may not think so.) It's important to talk with family.
4. Exercise. What? Exercise when you are feeling so energy depleted and just want to hang out on the couch? Or, too tired to walk up stairs? Yep. Do it. Ten minutes. No marathons here..just ten minutes. Exercise does not have to be crunches or push ups. Dance is a good one. I haven't met one person who does not like music. Choose what you want. Get up, move it.
5. Stay strong. You have friends out there that you love...the ones you might be pushing away. They care about you. Stay with positive people.
6. Keep in touch!

Karen