Sad but true
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Nik Colon
Sad but true
Idk what to think anymore as I see them drinking and smoking more I don't know if it's just reality hitting me or what it is weirdly enough when I first found out I was kinda happy now I'm just like in this place I don't know what to think or what to do when mayby im scared of getting to the end of this, the end of my chemo or what but I don't know I feel more worried now than I did at the beginning. Yeah I'm sure that sounds really stupid but I don't know I don't know what to think anymore. It's like when it first happened it was like not real and no big deal but now as it's getting close to a year I don't know maybe the chemo or whatever but it's like hitting me more now than it did back then. I just don't know what to think anymore. Yeah I don't know. Is it just me or has anyone else felt like that?
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midlifemom
- Posts: 1358
- Joined: Wed Jan 15, 2014 10:58 am
- Location: NJ
Re: Sad but true
I am almost two years past initial diagnosis and yes, I am more scared now than before.
When first diagnosed, it was scary, but there was a plan - surgery and chemo. I've now had recurrences in the liver - more surgery, different chemo - and now in the lungs - add more chemo.
My fear - there's only so many chemos, what happens when we run out of options? Not having options is scary. It's having no choice, no control.
When first diagnosed, it was scary, but there was a plan - surgery and chemo. I've now had recurrences in the liver - more surgery, different chemo - and now in the lungs - add more chemo.
My fear - there's only so many chemos, what happens when we run out of options? Not having options is scary. It's having no choice, no control.
Stage 3 cc - dx Jan '14 age 53, cea 2.9
t2n2m0, KRAS mutant, MSS
Folfox Feb - Aug '14
Nov '14 cea 27.7 -2 liver masses
Dec '14 left lobectomy and HAI
Jan '15 FUDR and FOLFIRI
Aug '15 fudr done, liver clear, add avastin for lungs. Cea 4.3
Feb '16 CEA rising
May '16 2 wk break then drop Iri for 6 weeks.
Jul '16 cancer grew, constricted main bile duct. Stent inserted. On break till jaundice clears. CEA climbing. Doing reduced Folfox. Allergic to Oxali.
Sep'16 chemo failed. Trial or hospice?
t2n2m0, KRAS mutant, MSS
Folfox Feb - Aug '14
Nov '14 cea 27.7 -2 liver masses
Dec '14 left lobectomy and HAI
Jan '15 FUDR and FOLFIRI
Aug '15 fudr done, liver clear, add avastin for lungs. Cea 4.3
Feb '16 CEA rising
May '16 2 wk break then drop Iri for 6 weeks.
Jul '16 cancer grew, constricted main bile duct. Stent inserted. On break till jaundice clears. CEA climbing. Doing reduced Folfox. Allergic to Oxali.
Sep'16 chemo failed. Trial or hospice?
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Nik Colon
Re: Sad but true
Ok, I removed it as suggested
Last edited by Nik Colon on Wed Sep 02, 2015 5:26 am, edited 1 time in total.
Re: Sad but true
Nope feel exactly the same.
Tomorrowis my last folfox, I already stopped the oxi, I feel lousy ,dead tired sleeping toes and painfull fingers, sad because I have to keep turning down my expectations of what I still can do ( tried to cycle to school last week and was trembling from exhaustion when I got there)
When ever I see people smoking ( ourside the hospital) or I see fat people, i ask myself "why don't they have cancer, and how long will it take for them to find out they have cancer)
I look forward to having it finished, but I'm very disappointed that indeed, as they all told me, I will need a few months recovery time to get back to work and health.( not necc in that order)
I have now told myself, i will not live from check up to check up. But i will live from school holiday to school holiday and plan fun things where ever possible.
Looking forward to be able to start at my "health plan" but dead scared of cancer returning, sort of thinking I know it will, and bracing myself already for the next fight.)
But first. I will buy myself a brand new pair of shoes. As soon as I can feel my toes
Think it's part of the whole process.
It sucks.
Annemiek
Tomorrowis my last folfox, I already stopped the oxi, I feel lousy ,dead tired sleeping toes and painfull fingers, sad because I have to keep turning down my expectations of what I still can do ( tried to cycle to school last week and was trembling from exhaustion when I got there)
When ever I see people smoking ( ourside the hospital) or I see fat people, i ask myself "why don't they have cancer, and how long will it take for them to find out they have cancer)
I look forward to having it finished, but I'm very disappointed that indeed, as they all told me, I will need a few months recovery time to get back to work and health.( not necc in that order)
I have now told myself, i will not live from check up to check up. But i will live from school holiday to school holiday and plan fun things where ever possible.
Looking forward to be able to start at my "health plan" but dead scared of cancer returning, sort of thinking I know it will, and bracing myself already for the next fight.)
But first. I will buy myself a brand new pair of shoes. As soon as I can feel my toes
Think it's part of the whole process.
It sucks.
Annemiek
43 yr mum of a girl aged 7
10/2014 coloncancer stage IIIc
11/2014 HIPEC, tumor removed + 12 positive out of 60 ln
hysterectomy, abdominal lining partly removed
Peridonitus, stoma fitted, 6 abcesses drained in abdomen
MSS, kras
3/2015 Folfox, someones playing kill Bill inside me
9/2015 finished 12 rounds,
First scan results: NED!!!!!!!!!
4/2016 ct scan: NED!!!
7/2016 ultrasound: NED
10/2016 cr scan: NED
5/2017 ultrasound: NED 2,5 yrs!
CEA 8/2017 1.8 stable.
CT scan 11/2017 NED! 3 yrs
CEA 1.9
Re: Sad but true
Don't think i can call, but we can message on facebook? Lemmyknow
43 yr mum of a girl aged 7
10/2014 coloncancer stage IIIc
11/2014 HIPEC, tumor removed + 12 positive out of 60 ln
hysterectomy, abdominal lining partly removed
Peridonitus, stoma fitted, 6 abcesses drained in abdomen
MSS, kras
3/2015 Folfox, someones playing kill Bill inside me
9/2015 finished 12 rounds,
First scan results: NED!!!!!!!!!
4/2016 ct scan: NED!!!
7/2016 ultrasound: NED
10/2016 cr scan: NED
5/2017 ultrasound: NED 2,5 yrs!
CEA 8/2017 1.8 stable.
CT scan 11/2017 NED! 3 yrs
CEA 1.9
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Nik Colon
Re: Sad but true
I'm just so messed up I just want someone to talk to for a change it's been so many years that I've actually had someone to actually talk to like real talk to
Re: Sad but true
Did someone call? Let me know, I'm free. Xoxoxoxoxoxoxo
Cb <3
Cb <3
39y female Stage IV
diagnosed April 2012
sigmoid resect May 2012
liver resect Aug 2012
Folfox Oct 2012
lungs Sep 2013
R and L laser lung resection Nov 2013/Feb 2014
FOLFIRI and Avastin Apr 2014 ongoing...
diagnosed April 2012
sigmoid resect May 2012
liver resect Aug 2012
Folfox Oct 2012
lungs Sep 2013
R and L laser lung resection Nov 2013/Feb 2014
FOLFIRI and Avastin Apr 2014 ongoing...
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Momto5boyz
- Posts: 33
- Joined: Wed Jul 08, 2015 12:54 am
Re: Sad but true
I'm so sorry your having a bad day. Let me know if you still need someone to talk to and I will call. Take care
12/14/13. Went to ER for stomach cramps :stage 4A colon cancer.
12/15/13 Had large tumor removed from colon and colostomy.
1/14 port put in
2/14 FOLFOX with Avastin 12 cycles.
8/25/14 liver res.
10/14 liver radiation/ Xeloda.
11/14 liver ablation
12/14 CEA rising to 7.2 from 2.4. ctscan shows positive cancer cells near ablation site and margin.
2/15 12 cycles of FOLFIRI with erbitux
7/15 CEA 1.4 ctscan shows stable with no progression.
8/15 CEA 1.4. Reversal scheduled for 9/10/15
12/15/13 Had large tumor removed from colon and colostomy.
1/14 port put in
2/14 FOLFOX with Avastin 12 cycles.
8/25/14 liver res.
10/14 liver radiation/ Xeloda.
11/14 liver ablation
12/14 CEA rising to 7.2 from 2.4. ctscan shows positive cancer cells near ablation site and margin.
2/15 12 cycles of FOLFIRI with erbitux
7/15 CEA 1.4 ctscan shows stable with no progression.
8/15 CEA 1.4. Reversal scheduled for 9/10/15
Re: Sad but true
In canada you could call 1-888-939-3333 canadian cancer society/ they listen, they have psychologists- i don't know if you can call from where you are. Or do u really want one of us?
Oct 2012- thyroid cancer
June 19, 2015 Dx@39 yrs- CRC-T3N1M0
No vascular, no perineural invasion
Aug-Sept 2015- 28 rad/5FU
Oct 28, 2015- LAR- temp ileo, neg. nodes- 0/11
March 2016- 6 rounds Xeloda/positive CHEK2 mutation
August 2016- DCIS and decided post prophylactic double mastectomy
May 2018 - clean CT
Sept 2018-clean scope
Devastation, total shock- oct 2018, invasion of peri mets
Dec 20 - 2 round of folfox
Mom to 4 & 7 yrs kids - at least i brought them to this level of independence.
June 19, 2015 Dx@39 yrs- CRC-T3N1M0
No vascular, no perineural invasion
Aug-Sept 2015- 28 rad/5FU
Oct 28, 2015- LAR- temp ileo, neg. nodes- 0/11
March 2016- 6 rounds Xeloda/positive CHEK2 mutation
August 2016- DCIS and decided post prophylactic double mastectomy
May 2018 - clean CT
Sept 2018-clean scope
Devastation, total shock- oct 2018, invasion of peri mets
Dec 20 - 2 round of folfox
Mom to 4 & 7 yrs kids - at least i brought them to this level of independence.
Re: Sad but true
Nikki, whatever you're feeling right now will pass, it always does. Try to change your routine it works for me, I could easily sit on the couch most days but I refuse. If you're physically able to get out and about try it.
Re: Sad but true
I felt the same way after, you have everyone , dr taking care of you , you feel sort of safe , then it over and reality of it all hits . They will keep a good eye you when chemo is done . Make sure you advocate for self Nik . I'm here for you !
Dx@45 stage t3 n1b m unknown IIIB
Resected in 8/2010 rectosigmoid
5.5 tumor with 3 /26 lymph nodes
Lymph vascular invasion
Folfox sept 2010 to feb 2011
10 tx only stopped due to low wbc
Resected in 8/2010 rectosigmoid
5.5 tumor with 3 /26 lymph nodes
Lymph vascular invasion
Folfox sept 2010 to feb 2011
10 tx only stopped due to low wbc
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midlifemom
- Posts: 1358
- Joined: Wed Jan 15, 2014 10:58 am
- Location: NJ
Re: Sad but true
How you doing Nik?
Stage 3 cc - dx Jan '14 age 53, cea 2.9
t2n2m0, KRAS mutant, MSS
Folfox Feb - Aug '14
Nov '14 cea 27.7 -2 liver masses
Dec '14 left lobectomy and HAI
Jan '15 FUDR and FOLFIRI
Aug '15 fudr done, liver clear, add avastin for lungs. Cea 4.3
Feb '16 CEA rising
May '16 2 wk break then drop Iri for 6 weeks.
Jul '16 cancer grew, constricted main bile duct. Stent inserted. On break till jaundice clears. CEA climbing. Doing reduced Folfox. Allergic to Oxali.
Sep'16 chemo failed. Trial or hospice?
t2n2m0, KRAS mutant, MSS
Folfox Feb - Aug '14
Nov '14 cea 27.7 -2 liver masses
Dec '14 left lobectomy and HAI
Jan '15 FUDR and FOLFIRI
Aug '15 fudr done, liver clear, add avastin for lungs. Cea 4.3
Feb '16 CEA rising
May '16 2 wk break then drop Iri for 6 weeks.
Jul '16 cancer grew, constricted main bile duct. Stent inserted. On break till jaundice clears. CEA climbing. Doing reduced Folfox. Allergic to Oxali.
Sep'16 chemo failed. Trial or hospice?
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ziggymonster
- Posts: 538
- Joined: Tue Feb 05, 2013 3:23 pm
- Location: California
Re: Sad but true
I'd be happy to chat with you Nikki..... just let me know...I'm in SF
DX advanced prostate cancer 2002
2014 still fighting mPca , failed surgery, radiation, hormone
DX Stage IIIa Rectal Cancer 12/12 1 of 12 nodes +
LAR permanent colostomy 1/13
Folfox 2/13 - 7/13 clear CT CEA 1.2
7/14 liver met chemo the resect in Oct
6/15 2 pos lung mets watching for now
2014 still fighting mPca , failed surgery, radiation, hormone
DX Stage IIIa Rectal Cancer 12/12 1 of 12 nodes +
LAR permanent colostomy 1/13
Folfox 2/13 - 7/13 clear CT CEA 1.2
7/14 liver met chemo the resect in Oct
6/15 2 pos lung mets watching for now
Re: Sad but true
Hope you're doing OK, Nik, and that you were able talk with someone. I get where you're coming from. The anxiety of being off chemo is really tough.
11/14 Dx sigmoid CC @ 45yo
12/14 Colectomy + hysterectomy
Stage IIIB, T3N1bM0, 2/20 nodes, MSS, G2, KRAS(A146T), TP53, SMAD4, ERBB2, CEA 1.0
2/15-7/15 XELOX & celecoxib
2/19 clean scope
11/19 clean CT
Ongoing cimetidine & other targeted supplements
Mom to a 6 & 8yo
12/14 Colectomy + hysterectomy
Stage IIIB, T3N1bM0, 2/20 nodes, MSS, G2, KRAS(A146T), TP53, SMAD4, ERBB2, CEA 1.0
2/15-7/15 XELOX & celecoxib
2/19 clean scope
11/19 clean CT
Ongoing cimetidine & other targeted supplements
Mom to a 6 & 8yo
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