My 90 year old mother has recurring colon cancer. First surgery was 2 years ago, with no other treatments. My siblings and I rotate staying with her in her home. She walks with a cane or walker (doesn't think she needs either), and likes to go places but tires very quickly. We fix her meals, do all her housekeeping, give her meds, help her with showers and getting dressed. She's having slight belly pains and has lost a few pounds. She's extremely hard of hearing, has dementia, and glaucoma (currently under control). No other major health issues. She thinks her previous surgery was very recent but can't remember she had cancer. She was very upset when we took her for a new colonoscopy. She couldn't understand why she was there and was very confused and crying. Most of what we tell her doesn't register. Over the last several months she's had 3 blood transfusions and 9 iron infusions, we assume due to the recurring cancer. After the previous surgery, she was extremely disoriented and confused, and recovered very slowly with several weeks in rehab after a lengthy hospital stay. There's no current blockage but surgeon says it's always a possibility.
We don't know what to do. When we first consulted the surgeon this time, he was leaning towards leaving it alone. After yesterday's colonoscopy, he's leaning toward surgery. We don't want her to hurt, and don't want her to get a blockage. But we don't know if we should put her through it all again. She'll soon be 91. She's frail but stubborn. (She also guesses every puzzle on Wheel of Fortune!) Are we worrying too much and should just agree to surgery? Would like opinions.