They are going to do a drug-induced stress test the week after next to see how my heart responds. It takes 4-5 hours. The doc said it will make me feel weird for awhile, but not the whole time. If everything looks okay, they will clear me for the LAR. If not, they'll have to put a stent in one of my arteries and I'll be on blood thinners for a month, then I'll have to wait another month after that before they will do the LAR. That will mean it will be four months between the end of radiation and tumor removal. Not optimal. Plus, that will delay chemo and give other cancer cells time to spread and grow.
I know there are so many of you who are dealing with much more and much worse, so please forgive me for whining. I'm just feeling really beaten down and overwhelmed right now. I was enjoying a little honeymoon period between radiation/chemo and surgery and feeling pretty good, then a couple of days ago, my herniated disc starting acting up and I can barely walk. I know that if I survive the cancer, I have a surgery on my back, one to replace my knee (osteoarthritis from a bad fall), and one for bladder prolapse from my hysterectomy waiting for me. And now, maybe something with my heart.
I know that if there is a problem with my heart, it's important to get it taken care of before surgery and also before chemo since that is hard on the heart, too. I'm just depressed to add another health worry to an already long list. And I had just managed to wrap my mind around the surgery and ileostomy.
Feeling down and can't seem to find my happy place tonight.
The nurse at the cardiologist's office was sweet to me. If they are professional or even cold, I can deal with it when I'm feeling this way, but she was so sweet and I couldn't stop crying. The down days have been fewer and fewer, but when they hit, I'm just weepy all day long and someone telling me how sorry they are that I have to go through this just makes it impossible to keep a stiff upper lip. I even warned my husband on the ride to the doctor's that I might cry. He asked, "When they give you the diagnosis?" and I said, "No, just throughout the whole thing." I was right.
Tomorrow, I'll be strong again, but just for tonight, I'm overwhelmed and exhausted and I feel like whining.
Judy
. Fortunately for me, there were no long waits between diagnosis, surgery and chemo for my colon cancer. Now, I am in a holding pattern circling the airport waiting for a permanent landing. I asked my doctor why was all this happening to me and all my other family members hardly ever had difficulties. He told me I was the only one in my family who could handle it. You sound like someone who could do just that. Yes, there are and will be down days, but stay positive and convince yourself that everything will work its way out. There is no alternative philosophy that will help you get to where you want to go. I am praying for you, me and everyone going thorough this by himself, family member or friend. You are strong !!