Hello folks. Been lurking lately and not posting. Here's my update if anyone is wondering.
My CEA continues to rise. It was in the 330s yesterday. Apparently my mets are still growing despite TACE, FUDR, and Folfiri. Dr. Kemeny is bringing me in in two weeks for a scan to be sure this is the case, but inside I know what's happening. My CEA has always been a good indicator for me. We are going to try Sir spheres if the scans show progression. I don't know what to think or how to feel. Kinda numb really. I worry more about my wife and daughters than myself. I know that when I go they will be left to pick up the pieces. Its funny because I still don't look or feel sick. No one would know I had cancer if I didn't tell them. I am not giving up yet, as I am not certain that all my options are over. But I am starting to think more about the end than I usually do. I went and talked to the guy today that I want to do my funeral (among other things, he is my pastor). I know everyone doesn't agree with me on religious thoughts or God, but my faith remains strong. I believe God has a plan for me and is using me daily. I've had many tell me that I have strengthened them as they have watch me fight. Not that I have been trying, but if I can lift anyone up through my struggles I will gladly take that. If you think I'm crazy for keeping faith in a God that might sit by and watch me pass away in my 40s, that's your right, but He is where I find my peace though this craziness. I am resolute in my faith and hopefully that will be the case until I take my last breath. Prayers for me are always welcome, but pray for my family also. They didn't choose this and I hate that I am putting them though this crap. I am starting to wonder about the effectiveness of continuing chemo. Every two weeks is rough, especially if it's not being effective. Why bother? I could see myself stopping it and enjoying what time I have left. This thought has never crossed my mind but today I am really considering it. We'll see. I should be able to make more informed decisions once I try this last option. Anyway, hope everyone is doing well.
42 male at DX
Husband, father (girls 13 and 16)
Stage IV mets to liver Oct 2013
Xelox Dec 13-Apr 14
Avastin, Xeloda Apr-July 2014
Vectibix/Irinotecan Dec 2014
Colon resect/ HAI pump Jan 2015