Important letter - attn: all scared and lost

[vilca11]

My dear fellows and friends,

I find myself visiting this forum infrequently recently. Just feels like it. But, when I do visit, I find the same desperate/morbid notes, or the same denial stage notes, or the same hopeful notes from NED crowd, or happy camper/open shirt (ok, shoot me, like Russians say without fear), and, rather rarely though, a sobering realistic calm notes like Maya or Karin writes, or Carm, or Celene, or Kenny, or rp1954, or GrouseMan, DK37, some others - people who learned to think more of what they can do, instead of their/DH, DW, etc cancer..... It is always IS WHAT IT IS.

Things change in cancer world fast right now. If you look at the very old messages, you will see the difference - the choices of tx, the trials, the research news,... Things will be what they will be by the time we have our final struggle - be it tomorrow, or in a year..... You can only put your efforts in helping your body and hope for the best. All other feelings and emotions (usually, negative in cancer cases) have to go. Positive comprehension of a beautiful opportunity to live life on Earth and we were given by birth is welcome... The worse enemies of your body are fear and hatred - please, understand - you are killing yourself with these feelings.... I know, I am not an authority, and I myself have NO AUTHORITIES in my whole life - I've never looked up to ANYONE..... But PLEASE just read what is below and the book that Andy21 advised - I bought it on Kindle, it is priceless and it is a MUST READ to all with cancer - IT IS CALLED "YOU ARE THE PLACEBO'.... You might or might not take my advice, but one thing I am absolutely sure about is that YOUR CANCER STORY MIGHT BE VERY DIFFERENT AFTER YOU READ THESE TWO IMPORTANT ITEMS OF WISDOME AND TRUTH.

Just if you are interested in things I learn along the way thru alternatives, may be it would be beneficial for some to know what to expect - I already published my results (not very well delineated , though, I guess) about Hoxsey and Dr. Burton ALA/Naltrexon/Cimetidine and something else, escaped me for a moment. So, someone will hold a memory on what not to spend time for, speaking of the alternatives. Ren tried Hyperthermia, all this MAF yogurts, tace, Mistletoe, dendrintic cells and more, he did not succeed. I am trying other things, might not succeed too, but at least others would not spend time and money doing the same thing.

With best wishes, hopes, warmth and LOVE to all our unfortunate (or fortunate?) crowd. Be Blessed in Living and Dying. I will stop by from time to time and hope to see everyone well enough. My MJ oil treatment is going fine. I am up to 1 gram taken in the lower gum, no high, feel good, blood is stable, platelets regression, MCV above norm, CRP normal, CEA 4.47 in comparison with starting in 2005 story of stage 1 when it was 2.8 before primary colectomy surgery. With mets, CEA travelled thru 3.x to 4.67 and back to 4.x. Will report on PET results later, not in August, in Oct, perhaps. Do not feel like going to Baltimore for a PET right now. After PET report on MJ Oil experiment, will try Amazonian indigenous treatment - Laritaco tree - flowers and leaves. They swear by it here. Then again PET with results/conclusions. Then will think of something else, like chemo or trial. Then, at the end, only IV vit C with K2/K3, minerals and ozone treatment. And, you know, they give me a year, and I bet anyone here or anyone out there that I will make it MUCH LONGER with the help of all my supplements, alternative treatments and periodic surgical interference.
Vilca

Dealing with the Killer Called Stress

Observations and Advice by Captain Paul Watson

I am often asked how I deal with stress considering I’m wanted by Japan and... Costa Rica, I have a price on my head from the shark fin mafia of Costa Rica, we have numerous ships on the sea in dangerous campaigns, I am being sued, threatened and harassed continuously and I have a lot of enemies, critics and people who wish me harm.

The answer to this is simple. I don’t deal with stress, because I do not suffer from stress. And these are ten primary reasons why, and for anyone suffering from anxiety, worry or stress, I would like to offer this advice.

1. It is what it is. Whatever the issue, whatever the threat, whatever the circumstances it simply is what it is. Stressing will not change the situation. All problems can be dealt with or ignored.

2. “It’s always something.” I say this all the time to my crews whenever a problem arises. “It’s always something and if it’s not something, it’s something else, but it is always something.” This means that life comes with obstacles, challenges and problems. Problems should not be unexpected. They are inevitable. All problems can be dealt with by dealing with them, delegating someone else to deal with them, or ignoring them. One thing for sure, on a ship, it is definitely always something.

3. Stay calm. There really is nothing worth getting upset about. For example, if I drop a bottle of wine or tomato sauce and it shatters, my reaction is, “hmmm okay, that needs cleaning up.” If I lose my phone, wallet or keys, my reaction is “I better replace what I lost and take measures to cancel my cards etc. More seriously when my regulator jammed once at 30 meters, I calmly signaled my partner to indicate my situation. Fretting about it will not recover the object. Panicking will not save your life. Anger emanates from stress. Without stress there can be no anger. Without stress there is no panic.

4. Nothing material is permanent and thus objects are not worth stressing about. Your car is damaged, something you own is stolen, or you lost your investments etc. It is really not important. Material objects and comforts are nice but they should not be anchors keeping you attached to stress. Move on.

5. Friends are friends or they are not. A true friend will never betray you and if a “friend” does betray you than he/she is simply not a friend. Always walk away from betrayal and do not stress about it. True and loyal friends are rare treasures and should be treated as such. Loyalty returns loyalty. Compassion returns compassion. Courage returns courage. However you control only your own loyalty, compassion and courage, not that of others. And if they prove disloyal or they betray you, the treasure is no longer a treasure but merely a bauble to be tossed aside. Never stress about betrayal or loss. It is what it is.

6. Loneliness is an opportunity. It is an opportunity to discover yourself. You can’t find someone to love you if you don’t love yourself, and the secret to finding the right person is to not look for that person. Love should blossom from the ground like a lovely wild flower. It cannot be cultivated until after it is realized. Do not seek the seed but let the flower reveal an opportunity to you to grow and learn.

7. Relationships are like streams, constantly flowing and as they flow they meet obstacles. Some are minor and others major but a relationship either flows around the obstacle or it is blocked, and if permanently blocked, it ends. This is not cause for stress or angry, resentment or jealously. It is what it is. Move on with appreciation and without bitterness for the relationship that is no more, and open your heart to other possibilities that life presents. The most important factor in maintaining a meaningful relationship with lovers, family or friends is simply acceptance. You need to accept them for who they are and they need to accept you for who you are. If you cannot accept another person for who they are, you need to stop inflicting stress on that person and to walk away. And if another person does not accept you for who you are, you need to walk away no matter the nature of the relationship. Stress kills and living with a person who does not accept you for who you are, is like living with a person who is slowly killing you.

8. Fear is a poison that seeps into the soul and paralyzes our senses generating paranoia, insecurity and anger. Never let fear enter your life. There is really nothing to fear because things are what they are and will be what they will be. Remember you are the captain of your fate and the master of your soul and body. Who you are and what you wish to be depends on you and you alone. A person free of fear can accomplish far more than a person shackled to fear.

9. Oscar Wilde once said that the only thing worst than being talked about was not being talked about. People talk, they gossip, they make false accusations, some enjoy insulting and belittling others. They are easily dealt with by ignoring them. Responding to them is what they want, so don’t respond. Reacting to them is what they want, so don’t react. Such people are not worthy of causing stress to you. They come from a place of insecurity, jealously and fear. It is their stress, and their stress is their problem. It should not be yours.

10. Hoka Hey. It’s a good day to die. It’s a Lakota saying and it means to not fear death and to stand firm for what you believe in, to fight against all odds and to never surrender. The one absolute of life is death. We all will die. What matters is not dying but living. It is how you live that is important and the only thing important about dying is how you die. It should be a death without fear, with dignity and with acceptance that it is what it is. The person without fear dies but once, the person shackled by fear dies slowly from stress and anxiety. Accept the inevitable, embrace the final reality of life and smile in the face of the infinite. The real secret to happiness is to not fear your own death, to not fear failure or ridicule, and not to fear others.

Stress is an obstacle to mindfulness and an impediment to impeccability. Stress is the cause of migraines, cancer and many other ailments. It is the reason people smoke, take drugs, and drink excessively. When people ask me why I’ve never smoked anything, the reason being is that I have never felt inclined to do so. It never seemed healthy to me and I have always been mindful of the consequences. I think that stress blocks mindfulness of consequences. The same holds true to getting drunk or stoned. Without stress there is no need, nor a desire to do either.

Mindfulness is simply awareness of who you are and what you are doing. A person who is mindful is a person free of stress.
Unfulfilled desire leads to stress. Wanting nothing allows you to appreciate what you have. When you want nothing, you want for nothing. We all have basic needs for food, for warmth and shelter, for clothing and for companionship. Mindfulness allows you to be secure with your basic needs. Everything else is a luxury and although luxuries may be appreciated, you should not depend upon them. Depending upon luxuries leads to stress.

I have never worked a day in my life for the sole purpose of making money. I have never wanted to own anything and although I now do own property and material things, I do not allow those things to own me. I never engage in arguments about money or debts. I tend to avoid debts but when debts occur my position is that they are what they are and certainly not anything to be troubled with.

As far as basic needs, I learned to address this as a teenager when I left home at 15. I had no money, no place to stay, no prospects. I jumped a freight train, rode in the automobiles being transported from Toronto all the way to Vancouver. I arrived and camped in the abandoned gun towers on Wreck Beach and the first thing I did was to go to Vancouver City College to enroll. I found a job, moved out of the gun tower into a single room I rented and went from there. Looking back I see it as an adventure. I had nothing, but there was no stress. I simply replaced the insecurity of my position into an adventurous experience. I treated every job as a learning experience and working as a longshoreman, teamster, tree planter, warehouse man, short order cook, baker, painter, carpet layer, postman, tour guide, landscaper, and seaman all were educational experiences.
The truth is that all of life is an adventure, the good and the bad, the ups and the downs, the experiences, the hardships, the thrills and the times that were lonely, happy or difficult. Even the loss of friends and family is simply dealt with by acknowledging that death is as it is. It is inevitable and although we may sincerely mourn we can do so without being stressed. This may be difficult to understand but it is indeed quite possible. With the passing of every friend, with the passing of my brother I have silently said “Good-bye” with the appreciation of having known them.

I have gone into situations many times where the risks of injury, death or imprisonment were practically a certainty. My approach has always been acceptance. And amazingly I am still alive and still free. When I have had nothing I have had everything I need, and when I have risked all, I have usually been successful. One of the things that concerns me is when I read about, or hear of people, especially young people committing suicide because of bullying. I wish that I could talk to such people before they make such a terminal decision. I would tell them to not let the insecurities and fears of others influence them in any way. I would tell them to accept that all the ridicule, insults, bullying and peer pressure is irrelevant and simply unimportant to who they are. If a parent is unaccepting of who you are, you need to say to them that if you are unacceptable to them they have no right to be your parent and you should walk away from them. Too many people are enslaved to parents, partners and friends who do not accept them Unacceptance and bullying are forms of violence and everyone should walk away from violence with dignity. No one should tell you what to believe, how to think, how to dress, how to behave or to dictate your sexual orientation or condemn you for your compassion, your passion, your imagination and your character. You are who you are and that is what it is, and how it should be, and if others do not tolerate who you are, don’t give them the satisfaction of destroying you. Simply symbolically spit in their eye, walk away and concentrate on being who you are for the benefit of yourself.

And if anyone is inclined to commit suicide my advice is to commit social suicide instead. That is, to drop out of your life as it is and begin another life, in another place with new ideas. Adventure is the antidote for depression. Take a chance, jump into the unknown and you will be amazed at what is awaiting you after you do.

I am not infallible. I have made mistakes in my life, many of them. I have at times in the past responded with anger although never physical and limited to the poison of the pen. I have let some people down, disappointed others and missed opportunities. But the one thing that I have been able to do in my life is to avoid stress.

At 64, I am healthy, happy, optimistic, and as passionate as I ever have been. Even more so because I have had the grace of experience and the satisfaction of achievement in those areas that I chose to address.
The point of this posting is this: Do not let stress ruin your health, your love or your life. Dreadnaught and live the adventure, this adventure that is life. It may well be the only life you will ever have. Even if you believe in the afterlife (oh and don’t stress about that either) the fact is you will never know for sure, so no sense wasting the unique life that you have.
A stress free life is not only possible, it’s also essential for your health and your happiness.

[Nik Colon]

Thank you for the post but I find some of it hypocritical, selfish, and angering, just being honest. Either way, best wishes to you.

[vilca11]

Nikki, if you do not mind, I am very interested in knowing which parts of the post you consider hypocritical, selfish and angering - just to understand cultural differences. I know, even after 20 years of working/living in the USA, I still have a Russian culture mentality. So, just wonder what we see differently. Hugs and best wishes for you too, our wonderful Nikki.... Vilca

[Nik Colon]

I won't go over all since half way through I had to stop reading. The drug thing as I know you are trying but he mentions not, the parts of not caring about others and avoiding them or walking away. I'm sorry, I can't do that to people with problems that I love. It sounded very selfish to me. He seemed very into just himself and I cannot be like that. I understand it comes with a great deal of stress but I love people too much to just be like "fu". That's just the jist of it, I hope that clarifies some of it.

Also, my brother committed suicide a couple yrs ago and that's still an open wound, along with my best friend who od'd on accident.

[CRguy]

So, just wonder what we see differently.

With regards to Paul giving life advice to ME as a Stage IV cancer patient..... ?????

Sorry Vilca, I was at SFU when Paul and the Greenpeace folks were rising to prominence.
Also went through a time when MY friends were on trawlers up in Amchitka protesting the Russian nuclear tests offshore in Alaska.

Greenpeace and the Sea Shepherd Society, and Sierra Club and all the other wanna bees .....

SORRY Vilca ... BTDT .. they have NO effing traction to what we ARE LIVING WITH right HERE and NOW !

I know Paul Watson.
.... he is a dedicated crusader and following his own True North
He is not going to give ME advice to survive Stage IV CRC......
Since I KNOW Paul ....I have great respect for Paul as a person ... BUTT ....
What the hell his diatribe has to do with ME as a Stage IV .. HERE on this forum .... I DO NOT KNOW ?

Please enlighten me ...
Am I missing something ?
You have quoted him but not really added your own thoughts.
Do you know Paul ?
He is a great "orator" BUTT like everyone needs assessing AND REassesing !!!

I do not dislike Paul ... I just do not think his words have any traction in THIS forum ... 'COS
.... BTDT way back in the 1970's and if he feels a need to reply ...
give him my email

I am NOT attacking you Vilca
I am just NOT going to take counsel from someone I KNOW personally .. from whom I would NOT take counsel
and will damn well share that opinion with my good friends HERE !

CR

[Nik Colon]

CR, i just noticed you said Paul from Sea Shepherd, isn't that for the whales?

[Nik Colon]

Btw, sorry, I'm frustrated and in pain atm

[CRguy]

Paul Watson of Greenpeace = ... Sea Shepherd Society ...
will not go thru the political back and forth ... BUTT yes
same dude
NO problems with his activisim or commitment to the cause ....
problems with his "philosophy" being quoted to ME as a Stage IV

end of discussion

CR

[Nik Colon]

Paul Watson of Greenpeace = ... Sea Shepherd Society ...
will not go thru the political back and forth ... BUTT yes
same dude
NO problems with his activisim or commitment to the cause ....
problems with his "philosophy" being quoted to ME as a Stage IV

end of discussion

CR

I get it, was just wondering if that was who

[Nik Colon]

So, not to hash up shit but as I mentioned feeling like crap and in pain. This time of yr is also tough. My bro bday 6-19-67, died 9-24-12, friend like sis bday 7-11-75, died 8-18-10 (2 days b4 my bd, funeral 2 days after). So it's a rough time besides my cancer, chemo, and pain. Sorry everyone
6,7,8,9. Her son was 11 when she died, my daughter 11 when I was dx. The new chemo shit, bla bla bla

[vilca11]

Dear Nikki, I understand, and here is probably the only place where you do not have to apologize for the mood or feelings - so, do not worry..... Thank you for the explanation - I do see your point. However, I read and comprehend this letter differently - in my eyes, other things are important in it for a cancer patient. And...I am old - was 60 in Jan. Not that old, I guess, but given my life journey, my true age is probably about 200yo by now Anyway, by this age, I chose only what I see as very important from the info I get thru Life (including, of course, readings of all sorts). I dismiss everything that does not worth my attention, or small things that I disagree with, and try to see the forest behind the trees. Age does give you this advantage (may be not as often as I would love to notice, speaking of some grey haired boys or girls), to see things more clear in terms of their importance.

I grew up alone in my teens and youth, after my parents early death. After numerous adventures in my Mother Land, Moscow, I moved with 2 suitcases and little daughter to the USA without a language, money or relatives.... at 37, when it is time to already have an established life in your own place. I started with zero again and in the most opposite culture as it could be..... In my 20 years in the USA, I went from $6 per hour to 6 figures salary in the world premier institution like Johns Hopkins. I learned English and now speak Spanish too, while not a decent one, though.... I traveled the world, loved and helped lots of people thru my life. I brought up a beautiful, brilliant, very well educated child, with a generous loving and emphatic soul. And now I am in South America in a miraculous valley of Incas... Managing to be happy even while dying.

All the above is not bragging - I just want others to see that there are many approaches to life, not only the ones that are promulgated by the governments ( the ones, that vast majority was brainwashed and manipulated into by mass media, regardless of the country in question). I think, my example, among many others, like the captain who wrote that letter, illustrates some possibilities. From my mountains, I see very clearly what is going on in the world, while never watching TV anymore: our little town of Vilcabamba is full of young generation of Americans, Canadians, Germans, French, Swiss, English. Italian, Indian, East Europeans and, of course, a few Russians here and there - they are FANTASTIC! They all come with kids, with parents, they want freedom and independence, they want truth and higher consciousness, they want the best for the World and Earth, they volunteer here and share, they live without many possessions and convenience, they are the new wave of 60s, but this time they will get what they want for the World, I am sure.... Because now it is a Union - they are all together in their purity, kindness and values... regardless of religion, nationality, color of your skin, beliefs, etc... The future is in their very capable and honest hands. .
My bucket list is not done yet - I want my daughter to know and love my Russia the way I do, regardless of the current government. I will buy a flat in Moscow for her, and that would allow her to spend her life between NY, London, Vilcabamba and Moscow. May be she will organize a painting school for Russian underground painters - she was teaching paintings in Europe, USA and even Middle East... Or, may be she will understand things earlier than me and, instead of Metropolitan or art galleries, would rather seclude herself in our fairy tale house in the mountains here.... and volunteer - so much help is needed here and everywhere.... and paint, paint, paint her great paintings....

Then, my bucket will be fulfilled. I am grateful to the United States - that country gave me a chance and I took it. But I am so happy to be FREE now, free from everything all first world countries screwed people up with.... Free and not blind anymore.... Hugs to all again, Vilca P.S. Wanted to send and saw Nikki's and CRguy comments, so a few words for my favorite cool CRguy

I am waiting for 4am here, since my daughter has a flight back to NY and then home, to London, in the morning. And I have to ensure her "complete departure in one piece"(you know artists - their head is always in a "wrong" place even when max responsibility is required). The dog, the cat, the husband, the horse, the garden - everything sleeps in this wonderfully smelly night brightened by this full moon of completely white color.... But, back to our discussion.

With all due (tons) of respect, I disagree with you, CRguy, on one point (and no, I do not know Paul - you have an advantage). Ok, our Captain gives advice on stress. What is the most stressful situations people might have? Usually, when they lose their close people, or when they lose the most important for them "things" in their life (for some, it is money, house, profession, job, politics, for others there are other things that are the most important, does not matter) and/or when they are scared, desperate and panicking. So, 3 or so situations. Which one of them (or any other stressful situation you can think of), that does not "fit" in our cancer lives? Who gets more stress than us? Probably only soldiers at war, or prisoners on a death road..... I thought of it as a VERY relevant to cancer forum talk - to all - caregivers, patients, friends....

Besides, I decided to post this letter because some parts of it really resonate with me as a person. That is what I would want my lonely and desperate, after I go, daughter to follow in life with some modifications. I could've written to her in many ways a similar letter, but now I just will print it and insert in the pile of our "memorials". Hope that explains why I posted this letter. Everyone is free to chose from the available info what is closer to his heart, or dismiss that info if it does not ring a bell in his heart/head. We are all at a different stage of our own personal development, it is impossible to jump over the proper development stage, no matter what respected guru would be trying to facilitate your personal development. And this Captain is not a guru of any sort in my mind. But he has a very important thoughts in that letter. However, as I mentioned many times before, only your own life experience might make all wisdoms of previous generations accessible to you/ So.... lets welcome all the experiences in our lives - lets not be fearful, lets finish learning what true life is about.... I LOVE Frenchie... and you do too... that means we are actually on the same page, hon...

[stu]

Hi.
Some interesting points on stress. I will be giving them some further thought.
" knowledge is to know a tomato is a fruit, wisdom is to know not to put it I a fruit salad" . That is my analysis of his writing, some good points but lacks the multifactorial aspects of a very difficult illness or pain. To then have to be free from all burdens almost seems inhuman. He seems to take a Step to the side when life does not suit him but that is not so easy with illness.
My mum is one of the very few people who did not worry when she was diagnosed , she felt completely peaceful and remained so. She did have a rough time in treatment. But having worked with life altering conditions I would imagine her responses to be quite unique. Nor does she lack understanding for those who it has left emotionally low.
My own opinion is that there is also a freedom in showing a lot more kindness to each other even when we are not on the same page as them. Enjoy all you can and manage as best you can the hard parts.
I am prone to anxiety so I will give more consideration to that aspect.
Love stu

[Maggie Nell]

Highlighting the incongruencies here. If you accept the premise that "you are the placebo",
then why the mindfuck would you take onboard your cancer journey, the suggestion that
stress is a killer?

Groupthink will take you down all the time.

[vilca11]

Me and group thinking??? You gotta be kidding.... Read what I wrote - have you seen groupthinkers of that kind? How many people with a history like mine you have known in your life? I do not think many. Otherwise, you would know, that spontaneity, love and adventure characterize them. Sometimes, when I write on this board, I think that may be my English is not good anymore..... I do not find much understanding here.... And that, my friend, is one of the signs that I could be anyone, but groupthinker....

I do not have much experience with forums. But I remember my first forum, for Russian expats abroad. I posted there a long letter, after I bought land in Vilcabamba in 2007, I was 52, 2 years after stage 1 CRC. The letter was full of happiness - I found my true Home, this miraculous land, this beauty - I was so excited, so in love with everything our Vilcabamba Valley represents.... and it was my first (and, pretty much, last) post on that forum... I only wanted everyone to know what a fantastic place exists in this little third world country, place where you will always be happy and survive regardless of money, or whatever you are complaining all the time about... I only was showing choices for people who obviously do not see these choices, or simply have no info about the possibilities... And, of course, they ate me for breakfast for this post, my Russian fellows.... I've got it all - that I am trying to sell something, that I have no idea, that I am a romantic that does not know life, etc.... I do not remember, if I bothered to tell them what my life was about....
Hugs and bye for now, guys - with love, Vilca

[stu]

Hi.
Firstly your English is wonderful and secondly what you bring to the forum is pure beauty and I sincerely hope that you do not feel any of this was against you. I was merely addressing the fact that some people despite their very best efforts have emotions that are difficult and impact their mental health and the quotes did not in my opinion take that aspect into account. With regards to finding beauty and joy out if the small things then I am 100% with you. I try everyday to be in that zone.
Again I would say having you around is a fantastic thing so once again I hope that you can see that it was more in relation to the quote.
If my contribution upset you then I would be first to apologise. I am mot here to make anyone's life harder.
Much love
Stu