some general whining

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Voxx66
Posts: 1844
Joined: Wed Jul 24, 2013 10:22 pm
Facebook Username: Michael Void Ward

some general whining

Postby Voxx66 » Thu Jul 02, 2015 12:40 am

Sorry if I have not been my somewhat cheerful self this last week or so but life is weighing on me.

I feel a little better physically but the diuretic I have been prescribed is so mild that it isn't going to cut it. (spironolactone) Damn I just want to have enough energy to get basic things done.

My mother is getting worse mentally as well though she is on a new medication (Namenda) that I am hoping will do some good.

This is a bad combo. Tonight for example she wanted something from the grocery store. I had to tell her I just didn't feel up to going. Repeatedly. She tends to go on and on about things when she wants them now with a good measure of guilt thrown in -(I don't have to eat. I can do without) It's frustrating but it isn't her fault I know.

Let's add in: last Saturday night a friend of mine was struck by not one but two cars in front of a bar I used to work at. He is somehow alive but in the ICU and is being kept sedated. The know he has Severe brain trauma so I am not really hopeful he will ever wake up.

And I found out today another old friend is in the ICU at the hospital right by my house. He tripped last week and broke his neck.(he has had major spinal surgery before so this is even worse in his case) The surgery didn't go well and as recently as two days ago he was not expected to regain consciousness. Somehow he woke-up today and might just survive though he isn't expected to regain use of his legs. He has stopped visitation as he doesn't want to be seen like this so I will have to wait to see him.

so - a good week or so this has not been. I'm not looking for pity - we have all been through so much that is silly. I just want to explain myself and to apologize if I have been a bit short with anyone here in PM's or otherwise. I'll perk up. Soon I hope.
DX and resect 10/2012 age 46
Stage IIa CRC
liver mets both lobes 8/2013
CEA 28
FOLFOX + Avastin 8/26/13 3 rounds
Folfox only 3 rds + rd 8
platelets low round 7,9,10 5FU only
1/14 CEA 1.0 y90
5fu
10/14 mets lung and peri
1/15 Folfiri

JudeD59
Posts: 726
Joined: Sun Apr 12, 2015 12:16 pm

Re: some general whining

Postby JudeD59 » Thu Jul 02, 2015 1:25 am

You've been nothing but kind to me always and I'm so sorry you are having such a bad week. That's a lot for anyone to have to deal with, but for someone who is battling cancer to have to deal with all that, too, well it just sucks. I could say it in a more polite way, but the honest truth is it sucks. I hope your friends recover and you have a much, much better week ahead.

Judy
56 yrs old, wife, mother to 4 daughters
RC Stage II T3N0M0 DX April 2, 2015
6 cm. mid-rectum-CEA 121
Xeloda and radiation finished 06/15/15- CEA 242
CEA right before surgery 81
LAR performed 8/12/15 Temporary ileostomy
CEA 10-21-15 1.6
PET scan 11-4-15 All clear
Port installed 11/11/15
Folfox started 11/18/15
Folfox stopped due to bad reaction
Reversal 2/17/16
CEA 2/3/16 1.7
CEA 3/31/16 1.3
CT Scan 4/12/16 All Clear
Port removed 4/21/16
CEA 5/24/17 1.4

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ktwmn
Posts: 350
Joined: Tue Aug 02, 2011 9:41 am

Re: some general whining

Postby ktwmn » Thu Jul 02, 2015 5:26 am

(((((((Voxx))))))))

It is very difficult to care for an aging parent even during the best of times. I admire those who do. I have a good friend who at ago 50 had a heart attack and had quadruple bypass, and his mother is living with him. I don't know how he does it...there are days when his mother complains about aches and pains and he drives her to the e.r. (he also works full time). The guilt routine is familiar.

I'm so sorry about your friends. That's a lot to take in. I just wanted to tell you I'm thinking of you. Take care of yourself, if the script isn't working call your doc today.
Dx 7/11, Stage IIIc CC
12 txs Folfox 8/2011-2/2012
MSS, KRAS-mut G12D
NED until 3/2015, mets to liver and peritoneum
April-December 2015: 15 txs folfiri+avastin
Liver mets resolved; pelvic met remains
January-May 2016: folfox+avastin; allergic rxn to oxi
June-August 2016: 5FU+avastin
October 2016: looking into immuno trial
January 2017: maintenance chemo xeloda + avastin

midlifemom
Posts: 1358
Joined: Wed Jan 15, 2014 10:58 am
Location: NJ

Re: some general whining

Postby midlifemom » Thu Jul 02, 2015 6:38 am

Whine away.

Perhaps there are some friends of your mother or neighbors that can assist with groceries, cooking and just visiting your mom - giving you some relief.
Stage 3 cc - dx Jan '14 age 53, cea 2.9
t2n2m0, KRAS mutant, MSS
Folfox Feb - Aug '14
Nov '14 cea 27.7 -2 liver masses
Dec '14 left lobectomy and HAI
Jan '15 FUDR and FOLFIRI
Aug '15 fudr done, liver clear, add avastin for lungs. Cea 4.3
Feb '16 CEA rising
May '16 2 wk break then drop Iri for 6 weeks.
Jul '16 cancer grew, constricted main bile duct. Stent inserted. On break till jaundice clears. CEA climbing. Doing reduced Folfox. Allergic to Oxali.
Sep'16 chemo failed. Trial or hospice?

canadiandaughter
Posts: 676
Joined: Sun Aug 17, 2014 11:19 am

Re: some general whining

Postby canadiandaughter » Thu Jul 02, 2015 7:51 am

I'm pretty sure that coming here to vent,whine, whatever you want to call it, is one thing that this board is about!! I am sorry you are dealing with so much right now. Why does it always seem that the shit hits the fan in multiples? I hope that things look a little better for you today. One day at a time Voxx!! Hang in there.
DD to 81 year old father
dx 24/07/14 iv cc mets liver/lung
folifiri started 19/07/14
shrinkage of all mets
growth in the liver,started folfox/avastin 80% 13/01/16
reduced to 70% due to side effects 27/01/16
First scan on folfox shows shrinkage in lungs, but liver just stable
6 rounds of vectibix-fail. 3cm growth and new spots showing Waiting for panel recommendations
At peace January 8, 2017

Steph20021
Posts: 553
Joined: Sat Dec 27, 2014 4:58 pm
Location: Ontario, Canada

Re: some general whining

Postby Steph20021 » Thu Jul 02, 2015 9:44 am

Whine away. You have every reason and right to do so. Hope things improve for you soon.
DX 1/31/14 @ 33- SPS-T4a(invades visceral peri), N2a(6/106 LN), M1a(ovary) (Stage 4a) MSS; BRAF V600E
2/1/14-subtotal col, lost R ovary, temp ileo
3/14-9/14- folfox; sepsis
11/14-CT/PET: L ovary met, pelvic met, (?)ghost liver met(?)
12/14-folfiri -13 rds kept me stable from 3/15-6/15
8/15-HIPEC, NED
09/15- cea 0.9
05/16- recurrence in abdo wall and lymph nodes
01/17- pulmonary embolism
02/17- 1 wk radiation to abdo wall
08/16- on folfiri
01/18-folfox
11/18- Beacon trial-encorafenib & cetuximab

weisssoccermom
Posts: 5988
Joined: Thu May 10, 2007 2:32 pm
Location: Pacific NW

Re: some general whining

Postby weisssoccermom » Thu Jul 02, 2015 9:56 am

You are not whining and you have every right to be upset, despondent, whatever you want to call it. You obviously have a LOT on your plate right now....more than most people have......and it is very difficult to have to deal with.

Just hearing you talk about your mom makes me realize (this will come out wrong, I know....but please read on) how fortunate I was not to have to have to deal with the issues of our parents getting older. I am watching my best friend of 30 years deal with her mother who is suffering from end stage Altzheimers and her father who, at 90, recently broke his hip and now is also suffering from some form of dementia. I know her parents quite well and have been helping her as well so have seen, first hand, how difficult this job is. You have my respect and admiration.....dealing with your own illness and then taking care of your elderly mom can not possibly be anything but trying and difficult.....my hat is off to you. You sound like a loving son.

It is hard to have to deal with a close friend's illness/injury, especially when you can't be there. Just know that they are being well taken care of and that, even if you did have the energy to go and visit them, there isn't anything you can do for either of them right now. Don't let the guilt of not seeing them or any guilt for not being able to help your mom get you down. That's easy to say.....I know but much more difficult when you are the one dealing with it.

Perhaps you can talk to your doctor about a different diuretic. Don't wish for TOO much, though, right away. I take a mild diuretic due to water retention after botched foot surgery. Once I asked for a stronger because I didn't feel that the one I was on was 'cutting it'. Wrong choice on my part. My doc gave me a low dose Lasix....man was I in the bathroom constantly.....learned my lesson on that one....am back on my low dose triamterene/HCL.

Take care of yourself and try to take some time for yourself each day. Everything else can wait a few while you regroup and regain your sanity and take some deep breaths. Is there a family member...sibling, cousin, etc....that you can ask for some help.....even something minor like going to the store for your mom. Have you tried calling some social service agencies in your state to help with your mom? Senior Centers might be able to offer some assistance....at least give them a try. You may be pleasantly surprised at what they can do to help your mom and, in the end, help you.
Dx 6/22/2006 IIA rectal cancer
6 wks rad/Xeloda -finished 9/06
1st attempt transanal excision 11/06
11/17/06 XELOX 1 cycle
5 months Xeloda only Dec '06 - April '07
10+ blood clots, 1 DVT 1/07
transanal excision 4/20/07 path-NO CANCER CELLS!
NED now and forever!
Perform random acts of kindness

SoConfused
Posts: 1027
Joined: Mon Jan 30, 2012 2:40 pm

Re: some general whining

Postby SoConfused » Thu Jul 02, 2015 12:28 pm

We are our own worst critic ... be gentle with yourself.

One can only handle so much before getting bogged down - give yourself a break and know that you're only responsibility is to yourself. Though it's nice to be able to care for one's parents, it's not recommended at your own expense.

If you're ever in the mood for meeting a spiteful, mean-spirited, evil maternal figure, let me know and I'll introduce you to my grandmother. She lives with me - and I feel as though she is slowly and painfully sucking the life out of me.

Hope everyone has a happy July 4th weekend.
Stage IV CC

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mstults
Posts: 1327
Joined: Fri Nov 30, 2012 11:23 am

Re: some general whining

Postby mstults » Thu Jul 02, 2015 12:47 pm

If we can't listen to a little whining from members then what's our purpose? I sorta understand your predicament but from a different angle. I live with my parents who are 77 and 78. My mother has been my rock. She's not in great shape but good for her age. I can see her deteriorating mentally. If not for her I would probably be in a nursing facility. She tells me the same thing over and over. Sometimes I have to get ugly if I just don't feel like dealing with it. Then I feel guilty. I'm pretty much self sufficient but she worries incessantly about Dr. bills and sometimes pays them herself. She gets confused about what is owed amd tells me over amd over. Seems like this is when I feel at my worst and not able to deal with it. I realize it's probably nerves and apprehension that causes her to do it. We've had a lot of cancer in our family. Mi just lost a cousin that had battled 10 years. Another cousin has had colon, ovarian amd yesterday was diagnosed with a brain tumor. Amd this cousins husband has lung cancer. It's taking its toll. I don't know how long I can or feel it's fair to let her do so much. I told her I needed to go to a facility. She said not while she's living. Dad does help but he's not a natural caregiver. He thinks if he drives me to an appointment he's done a lot. I should be able to drive again soon. So we all have our demons. Hoping you find a way or help to deal with your Mother VOXX. Sorry to hijack but we are here for you, at least we can listen. Have your friends in my thoughts as well.
Male Age 53. Dx CC with numerous liver mets 6/23/12. Colon res 6/24/12. Started folfox 7/24/12. Added avastin 8/27/12. CT 12/27/12 still showing shrink. Took 17 rounds of FOLFOX. Then 5-FU + Avastin. Switched to Irinotecan for 1 yr. CEA rose to >400. Switched to Vectibix 2/18/15. CEA decreasing. Scans show some growth in liver mets. Lung Mets stable to shrinking.

https://www.facebook.com/michael.stults2/about?ref=home_edit_profile&section=work

teachpdx
Posts: 634
Joined: Wed Jan 16, 2013 12:29 am
Location: Portland, OR

Re: some general whining

Postby teachpdx » Thu Jul 02, 2015 2:00 pm

Hey Voxx - hang in there! Sorry about your friends and having conflict with your mother. It's never easy feeling bad (physically) and then to have added issues makes it feel like you're getting no relief. Wish I could be there to lend a hand - maybe get some big ass headphones and play some VERY pleasant (or not if that's what you like) music and nod politely at your mom :shock:
4/24/12 RC T3N1M0 age 53
5/23-7/2 - 26 chemorad - Xeloda
7/16 Lynch- MSH2
8/28 LAR w/ temp ileo, CR, 0/11,M0, hysterectomy
10/13 6 cycles Xeloda - completed only 1 1/2 due to HFS
3/12/13 - reversal
8/13 NED
6/15 - HFS gone!

orcasres
Posts: 836
Joined: Mon Jul 01, 2013 10:23 pm
Location: Orcas Island, WA

Re: some general whining

Postby orcasres » Thu Jul 02, 2015 2:11 pm

Voxx, I get it.

Please whine as much and as often as you need. Between the two of us, we have three elderly parents to help, and two of them are 2500 miles away. We had no choice but to move my mother to the island as I am her only living child but my in laws insist in staying in a house that they have difficulty maintaining. I hope you can get some help with your mother. You are right she cannot help her circumstances but that does not mean that you can keep all of the caregiver functions going while trying to take care of yourself. We live on a small island, and our local senior center runs a volunteer program called Hearts and Hands. It pairs a senior with someone who can spend a few hours a week with them, giving the caregiver a rest. Maybe something like that would help if it is available.

BTW, I have been on triamterene/HCL. For me it was for fluid retention (I had a number of infections when I was young and my ankles swell up like crazy) and my husband uses it for high blood pressure. There are different strengths, but it is a reasonable drug.

Lois
63 yo F
Colon resection Sept. 2010
pT3N0M0 Stage 2A
Medullary Tumor 6.5cm long
Lymphovascular invasion
Lynch negative
12 FOLFOX 11/2010 to 5/2011 8 w/Oxi
NED so far

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ziggymonster
Posts: 538
Joined: Tue Feb 05, 2013 3:23 pm
Location: California

Re: some general whining

Postby ziggymonster » Thu Jul 02, 2015 2:22 pm

If you didn't "whine" there would be something wrong. Living with this fu@ked up disease is cause enough, add your other stressors no wonder you having a tough time.
DX advanced prostate cancer 2002
2014 still fighting mPca , failed surgery, radiation, hormone
DX Stage IIIa Rectal Cancer 12/12 1 of 12 nodes +
LAR permanent colostomy 1/13
Folfox 2/13 - 7/13 clear CT CEA 1.2
7/14 liver met chemo the resect in Oct
6/15 2 pos lung mets watching for now

cathy123
Posts: 665
Joined: Sat Nov 08, 2014 3:36 pm

Re: some general whining

Postby cathy123 » Thu Jul 02, 2015 2:23 pm

Sorry voxx. That is way too much for one person to handle. Whine away - you deserve to.
Cathy

Diagnosed 10/14 low rectal cancer age 43
Clinical T2NXMX
Radiation/xeloda 12/14-1/15
LAR with temp Ileo 3/15
pT2N0M0, lymphatic invasion 0/37 nodes
4 xelox, 1 xeloda only
Reversal 9/15
Mom to 9&11 year olds

Val*pal
Posts: 860
Joined: Sun Feb 10, 2013 1:24 pm
Facebook Username: Valerie Barkus Kantner
Location: Metro Detroit, Michigan

Re: some general whining

Postby Val*pal » Thu Jul 02, 2015 2:44 pm

Ugh. I can't imagine someone having to help care for his/her aged parent while being treated for cancer. That would be such a strain, especially since your mom is experiencing some of the personality changes that go with dementia. My best friend is going through that now with her dad and she says she just keeps repeating to herself that he's sick, he's sick, but she still has to go scream into a pillow to save her sanity at times.

Whining is good for the soul.

(((Hugs)))
DH dx'ed May '11, age 62
Jul '11: resection Stage IV
10/11: 6 mo Folfox
8/12:thyr canc, surg/tx
2/13: peri mets
2/13: Firi/Avas
6/13: Ok
8/13: break
10/13: Lung, peri, mets
10/13: Firi/Erb
1/14: Erb Fail; spread
5/14: Tx stopped
6/20/14: At rest

Nik Colon

Re: some general whining

Postby Nik Colon » Thu Jul 02, 2015 4:31 pm

I am so sorry, that is a lot to deal with. Wishing the best to you, your mom and friends (((hugs)))


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