Seriously? I'm sure I went through this as a toddler going through potty training, but as a 55 year old wife and mother, seriously?
This is how bad it has gotten--yesterday, I had a normal, full, complete, empty it out poop for the first time in six months and I was literally jumping up and down when I saw it. I was so excited that I ran and called my husband who was so excited he starting yelling through the phone. Then we spent the rest of the day discussing what I did differently and what I should do to make sure it happens again today. For the love of Pete. We used to talk about politics, books, movies, sports, and now we talk about how to get me to poop. Who says the romance has to die after 32 years of marriage?
Another example of how bizarre and bad it has gotten--Since all my favorite shows have ended for the season, I have been looking for new ways to distract myself and I stumbled onto American Ninja Warrior. I've been binge watching old seasons, letting them play in the background while I work on my computer. A few mornings ago, as I walked into the bathroom upon waking, I heard the announcers from the show in my head saying, "Okay, she's going for her first attempt."
I guess the toilet has become an obstacle course for me, with my squatty potty acting as a mini trampoline. I know this is how it has to be now, but as a writer, I've spent my life looking for the bizarre in everyday life, and I can't help but think about how all of us have long resumes of all kinds of different accomplishments in our lives and how life has said, "Okay, you've spent enough time (insert accomplishment here), now I want you to focus only on your poop."
Must really suck if you're the type of person who plans out their life. Luckily, I have learned to "go with the flow".
Judy
