Time for hospice

[jgall]

As this journey began, so shall it end.

The first 6 months to a year was a like someone picked us up and threw us into a tumbling dryer full of clothes, tennis shoes, and rocks. You all know the feeling. Beaten and battered, sometimes landing on soft clothes as we are hurled about, yet other times landing on the shoes or hit with the hurling rocks in your midst.

So grateful am I, however, that the entire journey wasn't like that. Things eventually became more under control as we were able to stabilize his health and find our new normal. For us, learning our new normal meant learning how to live mindfully and thankful for every passing day for we knew a cure was probably never meant to be. For me, it meant learning how to appreciate and accept another person's love without being suspect. I learned how to really allow myself to fully be loved and love in return, casting away the baggage of years gone by. Truthfully though this journey has been filled with so many lessons, too many to share here.

Buddhism teaches me that I must accept "what is" to move forward. To find acceptance in what lies ahead means embracing these many lessons and honoring them through living them. Thankful for the peaceful, adventure-filled, loving interlude that has been the last few years, we have entered the tumbler again full of clothes and shoes and rocks. Only this time I know there, in the midst of the clothes, shoes, and rocks is something more sinister and deadly. A dagger waiting to slice my heart into bits. The past few months have been eerily like the first few months only this time I am so much better equipped to handle the tosses and turns, bumps and bruises. But am I ready for that dagger whose sights are set on me and this man I love so much?

Sadly, I know the time is drawing near that will answer that question.

Namaste, my friends. Live life as fully as you are humanly able.
Julia

[BrownBagger]

No!

[KWT]

Just sucks, and I'm really sorry that you're in this place.

[CRguy]

Namaste Julia
wish it could be otherwise
but life is what is
not what if

Peace Love and Harmony
CRguy

[ams5796]

So sad to read this. I love your beautiful post. You have been a wonderful caregiver.




Ann

[Crystald]

What a beautiful post. May you find peace & comfort.

[lpas]

So incredibly sad to hear this. Wishing you peace in the difficult days to come.

[JJ2212]

You have a gift for words. I wish you peace for this part of the journey.

Janie

[bitchslapped]

The past few months have been eerily like the first few months only this time I am so much better equipped to handle the tosses and turns, bumps and bruises. But am I ready for that dagger whose sights are set on me and this man I love so much?

Julia, This statement resonates w/me. For the majority of us, we just don't know all the implications @ dx as we become acquainted w/this stranger, but we soon learn. After being thrashed about for an interim, it may seem we are back where we started, but we're really not. This stranger has now brought a friend, only we're a little more savvy this time around. Through acceptance, though a bitter pill to swallow, you will continue to find ways in making a tremendous difference for your DH. Truth be told, that dagger has been there all along for both of you; a nick here, a cut there, a slice, a twist...

Your DH has you to take him as far as he needs you & in that we find meaning & purpose. Hold onto that because it will carry you.

Best Wishes
bitchslapped

[edinaman]

I am so sorry that you and your husband are at this point. My thoughts are with you.
Jeff

[ANDRETEXAS]

Julia..... Your eloquent words are a summation of life itself. While life and our diseases cause consternation and turmoil, the human spirit finds a way to cope. I am sending prayers and peace from Texas, and hoping for the best life has to offer to both of you. We are here for you.... Andre

[midlifemom]

So sorry to hear this. I hope you have a few more memory making days.

[Lee]

So sorry it has come to this part of the journey. I hope you both have good days ahead.

Thinking of you both.

Lee

[DarknessEmbraced]

I'm so sorry that you are at this stage! I wish you more memory making days ahead!8hugs*

[adina91]

Julia,
I was so heartbroken when I popped onto the board as I sometimes do to see how everyone is doing and saw your lovely albeit terrible post. I am so sorry to hear this news and wish you peace and many warm thoughts as you and your husband make your way through this journey.


Hugs,
Adina