In a funk...can anybody relate

[Delinda2]

Looks like we're all pretty funky. (I noticed that replies are from stage IV and stage IIIC folks.) One of the hardest things about falling into a funk is, as others have said, not saying anything about it to my loved ones. It stresses them out, so it's better for everyone if I just keep it to myself. Sometimes I have to simply not answer the phone because I can't face one more conversation where I have to be all positive & do my Little Mary Sunshine impression. I isolate myself & read and do jigsaw puzzles on my Kindle until it passes. Are we all riding the Grand Funk Railroad? (The kids on here won't catch that - nod to CRguy, JC, etc.) XXOXO, Delinda

[CRguy]

Are we all riding the Grand Funk Railroad? XXOXO, Delinda

Funkin' rights we are D2 !!!!

[trbiggins]

The unknown is the worst. My funk will leave, but it will come back. Getting ready to get unhooked from my pump in a couple of hours. That will help.

Richard

[skypup]

yep, yep, yep. It does come and go, Richard. This is the only place I moan to anymore, the others don't understand or are tired of the "journey". D2, I saw GFR at least 3 times. Remember the wall of speakers? It's amazing I can still hear... Did you know that Mark Farner is now an evangelical preacher? (free trivia)

[aja1121]

I just wanted to say how touched I was to see you guys commenting about being careful not to overload your caregivers. I think both patients and caregivers have days being down in the dumps. Sucks when the funk hits both at the same time.

Most days I wouldn't trade taking care of my husband for anything else in the world. But occasionally I have a day where I think I can't take one more cranky interaction with him when I'm just trying to help, or one more piece of advice from an acquaintance, or one more call from a family member asking me the same question for the seventeenth time. I haven't really unloaded on anyone yet but I suspect that day is coming.

I am sorry you are struggling right now. I have dealt with severe depression in the past, so I can attest that the valleys are the worst part. But they are usually followed by a peak... at least a small one, for a little while

[juliej]

Richard, it's easy to read my signature and only see my success with the HAI pump. However, when I was diagnosed, I was told there was no hope whatsoever for me. My liver mets were bad enough but I also had a met in each lung. I was repeatedly told that no surgeon would touch me. Two years max they said -- if, and only if, I responded well to chemo. I watched so many others on this forum go on to resection and NED status while I kept taking more Xelox and Avastin. While I was happy for them, the "funk" settled in for a long stay. Every scan was anxiety-producing and yet it was the same depressing message. Yes, your tumors shrank, but they won't ever go away entirely so it's just a matter of time. Every day seemed precarious and precious at the same time. When Dr. K took me on, I felt hope for the first time. It wasn't a guarantee, but at least I was doing something more aggressive. "If I have to go, I'm going to go down fighting" became my motto. She did the impossible with me - two double surgeries in five months with chemo right up to surgery and immediately afterwards so no baddies would get loose. I guess I'm saying all this to reassure you that Dr. K has a lot of tricks up her sleeve. She has more Stage IV liver met patients alive and doing well than any other onc in the world. Let her take on the "technical" side of the worry. Stay strong, but yes, vent when you need to. We're here for you 24/7. Thanks for the posting and the honesty about some days just being gray.

[hart2hart]

Yup we can relate! Pete's CEA locally is way different than Sloan's. Richard, do you have your CEA checked locally? Is it a lot different?
If so call Sandy ASAP!!!


Julie and Pete

[trbiggins]

Julie,

It was 29 at Sloan. Two weeks later it was 44 locally. Then two weeks later it was 58 at Sloan. My local ONC asked me if I wanted to check it again Wednesday and I said no. I get scans on June 8th so I'll just wait and see what they look like then. I am not going to ride that coaster for the next week or so. It may be higher or lower, so I'll think lower. Scans will tell the tale anyway. My ALT and AST were very high so I'm expecting no FUDR this go round. We'll see.

Richard

[MSJC]

Good to hear others relate to some of what I've gone through also. I have had some good, and some really crappy days over the last year and a half. In hind sight, I should have posted on those "funky" days, seems to be pretty normal for club members and caretakers to have those ups and downs.

[jaycey60]

So sorry you're in a funk. I hope it passes soon.

This may not make any sense, but as a caregiver I cherish the times when my partner shares her dark thoughts with me - I guess because I know they must be in there - how could they not given how bad all of this sucks - and so those times are moments of intimacy - and intimacy can sometimes get lost in this fight (it also opens the way for me to be able to say how bad I feel at times). We're fairly new to this (dx in January) and so perhaps that will change, but from my perspective saying how bad you feel is a gift. . .

[JudeD59]

Middle of the night is the worst. Can't sleep and feel alone in the world, except my old buddy fear is there to keep me company.

I'm diagnosed as Stage II but my CEA at diagnosis was 121, so yeah. Not expecting that staging to hold true. I'm visiting funk-town quite often these days.

Here's to happier days for us all.

Judy