Please don't call to tell me your friend died from CC

[ranger]

people can't resist telling me:
http://cancerissofunny.blogspot.com/201 ... t.html?m=1

[PainInTheAss]

I've adopted a go to method of responding to things like that. I say, "Okay, and how were expecting that to make me feel?" Or something along those lines. It really makes them stop and think, because of course they weren't thinking of your feelings but it isn't rude or combative. Adding, "Would you want to hear something like that if you were in my shoes?" Gives you the ability to let them know you were offended without making them too uncomfortable, especially if it's a family member or someone you don't hate... Haha. There's something about framing it as a question that makes the point but softens the blow.

I had really bad gas pains the next day after a big dinner a few months ago and my daughter's teen friend saw that I was in pain and asked me, "Is it because of the cancer?" Bless her heart for being concerned and just really dumb. It was hard to get mad about it.

[hummingbird3]

They just cannot help it! They only mean to somehow connect with you in a place you will understand ... but the damage they do is just horrible.
What seems to be the real issue is WE have changed. We are in SURVIVAL mode. Fighting daily to keep our thoughts and bodies in a healthy place. We are now aware of statistics, outcomes, therapy's, surgical complications, new worries for finances and even small things like our new physical limitations. THEY have no idea. They just don't. So, that meaningless comment on their part to TRY to connect really reeks havoc on our survival mechanism, making us defensive, hurt and angry .... maybe?
Our minds are working hard to stay positive and strong .. don't tell us those stories .. feed our minds with positive stories to strengthen our survival.
Or in my case .. I have learned to stay away from many people .. to surround myself with positive people who have better understanding of me and my NEW needs in life. I know I am definitely in a different place than I was just 5 years ago. Most of my peers just have no clue. That includes family and close friends.

I had a FAMILY member bring me an encyclopedia, as I was healing from surgery for my tumor removal, and show me photographs of a man who had undergone radiation/chemo and had gaping black holes in his arm with his flesh eaten off .. telling me this is what I will be encountering soon. REALLY?????? OH, and his dad died of CC.

[CLD]

I just told my husband I can't stand going out in public sometimes. We have 5 children (so lots of school friends. We were open and upfront about everything from the get go figuring rumors would be flying) and we live in a small town. I feel like it takes me an extra hour to run errands. Some people are truly concerned and I appreciate that. Some people are rubber necking. Last week my husband had CTs done (ALL CLEAR!!!), and had an allergic reaction to the dye (despite being pretreated for this known allergy). The nurse who helped him told us all about his wife who just died in Feb despite taking FOLFOX (for pancreatic cancer). Yep, just what we wanted to hear. Someone just asked me if we had life insurance policies. Someone asked me how long he had (well I hope another 30 - 40 years...).I feel like a magnet for people's cancer stories. Really people, sometimes I just want to grab a loaf of bread and pretend like life is normal.