Please don't call to tell me your friend died from CC

[dontwanttobehere]

As thought coping isn't hard enough, why do people seem to have diarrhea of their mouth once they hear you have colon cancer. I haven't told many people and I have not been specific about the stage. But of those few, several have felt the need to tell me someone they new or loved also had colon cancer...and died. Seriously, my neighbor just called. She said her friend is worried about me because her own mom had died from CC so she had questions she wanted my neighbor to ask me. But she tried to brighten my day by telling me I should be hopeful because they operated on me and they don't do that if you are going to die Basically I said "I gotta go".

[localyokal]

When I was first diagnosed I had a guy tell me that his mother died of colon cancer and that it was a real brutal way to die. That really brightened my day. I don't know about some people.

[momof3]

Ok don't wanna try to one up anyone, but this reminds me of the nurse my husband had in the er a couple of months ago. He had a micro perf in the bowel. This nurse told us her mom had crc cancer and then went on and on about her final months. I wish I had said something, but I was kind of speechless. You would have thought she would have picked on our silence.

[Bev G]

I've often wondered about this often found trait in people. I was diagnosed with type 1 diabetes as an 11 year old. I must have had people (usually adults) tell me a million times about their family members/friends who had died of diabetes. What adult feels comfortable telling a child that?!? (well, many of them) I haven't been told this a lot as a stage IV CRC person, butt I have lots of friends who have had this information "shared" with them. I just don't get it....is it some sort of attempt at "bonding"? I suppose it's one of the reasons I stick around--letting people know that survival is possible.

[jillbugs4110]

People are nuts. They say crazy things to you. I don't remember being so ignorant even prior to.my dx. I have always been able to see myself in others shoes rarely do I think wow better them than me or that couldn't happen to me....i know better no one is exempt all time is borrowed.

[CRguy]

I suppose it's one of the reasons I stick around--letting people know that survival is possible.

AND we are all VERY GLAD you do stick around Bev ...

me ?
I try to stick around just to piss off all the assholes who don't know shit from shinola about what the hell they are yapping about.
Probably like y'all ... I see the mouth moving BUTT nothing useful is coming out of it....
= verbal diarrhea ... and mental constipation

[MamaN]

I'm so sorry you've had that experience .. . Lately when I share my story I hear good stories people like to tell me how their mom or wives had crc cancer and they are still here 17 yrs or so later, now those are the stories you need to hear!

[midnight_engineer]

I hear you. This comes from a general lack of "other awareness". We are selfish humans. This is part of our animal tendency. We are programmed to think about "us", not other.

Another problem is that people let their worry make them say dumb things. Offering advice is their way of "controlling" the situation in their minds. You should not let your silence speak for you. Being straightforward and firm, yet gentle, is a subtle and often frustrating art.

[horizon]

This makes me really glad that I only told a select for when I was diagnosed. I didn't need to be hearing things like this at that time.

[DarknessEmbraced]

I had many people who told me how someone they loved had survived colon cancer which made me feel better.

[MrPleistocene]

[exaussie]

^^^^^^
hahahaha that's a good one.

[jjlist]

Bev, they don't get much tougher than you. Wow.

[wandalein]

I also felt like no one was very encouraging with my husband, a lack of understanding I think, it went from the extreme of denial, like nothing was going on with some family members or the other extreme of not being able to talk to us without crying. My own mother who lives at a distance was the worse. I would say we went for a walk today and she would say "He can walk" or I would he was out somewhere and she would say amazed "he can drive". I think the worst things I heard were in the hospital, a neighbour came to visit and he said "cancer, man you can't beat that" or a nurse who shared had a brother die of colon cancer mention when we were talking about getting back to normal say "You will never be normal". I guess her own personal experience was with her brother and our neighbour also had a brother who died of colon cancer and my mother has never known anyone with cancer that wasn't bed ridden.

[jdepp]

I ran into a distant acquaintance in a big-box store a couple of days ago.

He instantly asked me for my latest medical news.

There was a 0% chance that he was concerned about me, a 100% chance that he wanted a juicy story to tell. The worse my news, the better for him.

Made me sick.