Memorial/wake?

[Annemiek]

The other week I wrote the speech I wanted to have read on my funeral memorial service ( I was that depressed! It's sick, hide the kitchen knifes , luckily yesterdsy my anti depressants were doubled by a new shrink, i so hope it helps) .
i'm not planning to go anywhere soon though.
However, we visited my father in law's grave over the weekend for the first time, he died while I was in hospital, 84 years old, on a hart attack, bless him, he had a beautiful long life and a nice way to go, no suffering.
He has a black granite stone, so boring! But then, the sober stuff suited him. i googled and found you can have a nice pile of rocks , even ones you find yourself. There's a small graveyard on the way to the swimming pool close to our house, so if I die young, put me there so I can keep an eye on things, when I die old, just burn my sorry ass and chuck the lot in the north sea

Oh, and there will be a party with lots of italian food from my favorite restaurant, nice wines and all kinds of colorfull flowers, kids table with games and stuff, young or old. . But preferably when all my friends are to old to eat pizza crust because of their fake teeth.. ( kids table will still be there for the demented ones)

Annemiek

[Annemiek]

two times is a bit much

[Carolinabluetec]

I want to be cremated and have my ashes scattered on the 1st hole of the golf course that I live on. Just not in the sand traps nor the lake I also want to have "open bar" with nice hor d'oeuvres for all of my reprobate friends after the scattering.

[Danieljt]

I prefer to be cremated and my ashes spread in the lake. I know it would probably be like in the Big Lobowski movie if I know my family!
Jackie

[juliej]

I'm with Peanut and Frenchie on a Viking style funeral! I'd like seven archers (in matching archery outfits) to shoot flaming arrows at my reproduction Viking serpent ship as it sails off into the sunset. Then two ravens (bonus points if they are named Huginn and Muninn from Norse mythology!) released at the same time the ship is burning.

On the shore would be a basket filled with river rocks and permanent markers. Each person would be instructed to write a brief good-bye note on a stone. Then afterwards there would be a BIG party -- lots and lots of food and alcohol and dancing, especially dancing! The next day my hungover climbing/running/hiking friends would carry the "memorial stones" to the base of Half Dome or El Capitan and scatter them before making their ascent.

[justin case]

It may be harder for me than my wife, butt her instructions to me, was to have her cremated, and then wait to see if anyone wondered where she was. Of course most of her family lives in Mexico, and only call when it is of benefit to them.
My family also calls, when it is of benefit to them, and I believe THAT is why they make reverse mortgages
Ye I'm serious,
michael

[Voxx66]

I seriously looked into having a funeral pyre. Nope. Illegal in Missouri. Wonder if the law is the same in all states?

[exaussie]

Permits are a pain to cross state lines. My mil wanted to be buried in california so we transported her there.
Funny story I had a great aunt who was a dr-midwife-nurse to the people of Guadeloupe in Baja. She was asked to transport a body across the border (back in wagon days) I think it was in the 30s..anyway it was illegal to do this. So she propped up the body, put a hat n blanket on it and told border police he was sick...she went across without a problem.

[canadiandaughter]

My parents have their funeral plans all arranged with the funeral home in their community. I think that will be a huge relief when the time comes for us kids being we all have very different opinions. From my own experience lately, I think there has to be something so that those who are mourning have some sort of closure. I lost 2 past students a couple weeks ago to a tragic car accident so attended both services. The first was a wonderful, very personable service. The second one, for the boy who was actually one that I worked with often and was very close with, was just a church service. There was NO eulogy or anything personal at all. Both services were in the same catholic church, same priest. The later was a full mass service though. I went with my daughter and our principal as she knew how close I was to this boy and wanted me to have support. Well to be honest, I did not shed a tear, I felt like I was just at church. It was awful! Not that i feel one needs to cry, but I felt I needed something so that in my brain I could realize that yes, he was gone. I know that sounds selfish, as I am sure that is what the family wanted, but after talking with a few others who attended, we all felt the same way. It was like we really didnt get to say goodbye! Its almost like it isnt real. I know the services that are very personal are extremely hard to go to, but I think that is what people need to help them grieve. A memorial really isn't for the one who has passed away, it is for friends and family to grieve and show support for each other. I had to come home and watch PS I love you the next day and have a good cry. When I go, I want my family to sit around and have a few cool ones and share memories of me. I am a faithful person, but I feel a funeral needs to be about the one we lost, not all about god and being forgiven for our sins.

[Sleen]

I want the biggest funeral my church can accommodate.
I've mentioned it to my family even before diagnosis. I want it to be a joyful thing. And I want it to be forty years from now...or so.

Celine

[CRguy]

Wow !
SYNCHRONICITY….. WOW !
Thanks Skypup for this venue to rant / vent / SHARE …..

Just got home from a "traditional" Italian service and …..celebration of life / wake / memorial / party ???? for an in-law family member with aggressive Stage IV prostatic "C".

I love hearing everyone's wishes and views here.

Here are some of mine ……. usual disclaimers apply …..

Having traced my Icelandic lineage back TO Leif Erikson, and still working on my connections to a few gnarly Scottish rebels ……
the references to burning ship sendoffs to Valhalla actually made me want to reply here.
I am DOWN with that…. Totally, and was really surprised that so many other folks resonate with that.

Being trained in Asian martial arts and having studied eastern / asian philosophies and religions … I understand the ritual cleansing stuff….
just NOT ME. I know… the same thing with ancient mid eastern religions …. STILL not me.

but a friend keeps reminding me that the ceremonies are for the living, not for me.

Skypup I throw this back into discussion because today… we were all "there" for the widow and her family ( which is ours ) and I told her :

" He is now free from pain, but the pain of losing him is yours. We will all take care of you."

The living LIVE with the grief, the dead … are gone.

Have NO idea what I am trying to say with this post which is exactly why I will post it.

In living and dying we ARE who we are
we touch others in ways we never imagined … for better AND for worse
BUTT we are, in the end just exactly WHO we are

I love the burning vessel
whether real or metaphysical
……….

sign me up
light me up

cast me adrift
ALWAYS … on the Journey

[canadiandaughter]

" He is now free from pain, but the pain of losing him is yours. We will all take care of you."

The living LIVE with the grief, the dead … are gone.

Love what you said here CRguy. So true!

[PainInTheAss]

I want to be cremated but I am very mindful of what land mark I will ever ruin for my loved ones. My mother wanted her ashes spread over Sedona when she died and we honored her wish. And then I couldn't go to Sedona for years. She's all over Sedona, not just one fishing hole. It's like she IS Sedona now. I'd love to have my ashes spread over the ocean because I love the ocean, but I don't want to ruin the ocean for my kids. "Dry off... You have my mom all over you."

All I know is that I don't want an urn carried around from place to place that someone could knock over and break and I'd get sucked into the vacuum. I think planting some ashes with a tree is a great idea. Unless the tree dies...

I like the idea of a memorial type party like in PS I Love You... In 40 years.

[elise]

For my dad, we chose to do nothing special. He was a simple man (an amazing creative giving person) and I felt that it's what he would have wanted. Looking back, there are days where I wish we had done something to commemorate his life.

For me, I'm like my dad and want nothing special. Cremate me and do whatever you please with my ashes. If you want me to sit in a shelf with you forever, that's ok. If you want to release my ashes, that's ok. I'll be gone, it won't matter to me.

Maybe it's because I hate goodbyes.

Elise

[Kiwi Debz]

I am going to be buried with my son. All sorted.

No miseries ... I have told my family I am going to write and/or video my own eulogy as I have to have the final word and I don't want to hear a bunch of misery crap about my life. My life, my story so I will tell it.

Followed by a party.......I do like Robs idea of having one before though .... Not much fun for me if I am not there!

Deb