Memorial/wake?

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Annemiek
Posts: 304
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Location: The Hague, Netherlands

Re: Memorial/wake?

Postby Annemiek » Tue May 12, 2015 1:30 pm

The other week I wrote the speech I wanted to have read on my funeral memorial service ( I was that depressed! It's sick, hide the kitchen knifes , luckily yesterdsy my anti depressants were doubled by a new shrink, i so hope it helps) .
i'm not planning to go anywhere soon though.
However, we visited my father in law's grave over the weekend for the first time, he died while I was in hospital, 84 years old, on a hart attack, bless him, he had a beautiful long life and a nice way to go, no suffering.
He has a black granite stone, so boring! But then, the sober stuff suited him. i googled and found you can have a nice pile of rocks , even ones you find yourself. There's a small graveyard on the way to the swimming pool close to our house, so if I die young, put me there so I can keep an eye on things, when I die old, just burn my sorry ass and chuck the lot in the north sea :lol:

Oh, and there will be a party with lots of italian food from my favorite restaurant, nice wines and all kinds of colorfull flowers, kids table with games and stuff, young or old. . But preferably when all my friends are to old to eat pizza crust because of their fake teeth.. ( kids table will still be there for the demented ones)

Annemiek

43 yr mum of a girl aged 7
10/2014 coloncancer stage IIIc
11/2014 HIPEC, tumor removed + 12 positive out of 60 ln
hysterectomy, abdominal lining partly removed
Peridonitus, stoma fitted, 6 abcesses drained in abdomen
MSS, kras
3/2015 Folfox, someones playing kill Bill inside me
9/2015 finished 12 rounds,
First scan results: NED!!!!!!!!!
4/2016 ct scan: NED!!!
7/2016 ultrasound: NED
10/2016 cr scan: NED
5/2017 ultrasound: NED 2,5 yrs!
CEA 8/2017 1.8 stable.
CT scan 11/2017 NED! 3 yrs
CEA 1.9

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Annemiek
Posts: 304
Joined: Tue Apr 07, 2015 4:05 am
Location: The Hague, Netherlands

Re: Memorial/wake?

Postby Annemiek » Tue May 12, 2015 1:30 pm

two times is a bit much 8)
Last edited by Annemiek on Tue May 12, 2015 1:31 pm, edited 1 time in total.

43 yr mum of a girl aged 7
10/2014 coloncancer stage IIIc
11/2014 HIPEC, tumor removed + 12 positive out of 60 ln
hysterectomy, abdominal lining partly removed
Peridonitus, stoma fitted, 6 abcesses drained in abdomen
MSS, kras
3/2015 Folfox, someones playing kill Bill inside me
9/2015 finished 12 rounds,
First scan results: NED!!!!!!!!!
4/2016 ct scan: NED!!!
7/2016 ultrasound: NED
10/2016 cr scan: NED
5/2017 ultrasound: NED 2,5 yrs!
CEA 8/2017 1.8 stable.
CT scan 11/2017 NED! 3 yrs
CEA 1.9

Carolinabluetec
Posts: 415
Joined: Wed May 28, 2014 11:52 am
Location: Greenville, SC

Re: Memorial/wake?

Postby Carolinabluetec » Tue May 12, 2015 4:02 pm

I want to be cremated and have my ashes scattered on the 1st hole of the golf course that I live on. Just not in the sand traps nor the lake :shock: I also want to have "open bar" with nice hor d'oeuvres for all of my reprobate friends after the scattering. :mrgreen:
03/14 DX Adenocarcinoma Sigmoid Polyp
05/14 Da Vinci Sigmoid Colectomy
06/14 T3N0Mx, staged IIa
07/14 Xeloda 3000 mg/day 14 on/7 off 8 rounds
12/14 Finished Chemo
01/15 CT NED :D
07/15 Colonoscopy NED :D
08/15 CT NED :D
03/16 CT NED 8)

Danieljt
Posts: 309
Joined: Sun Aug 10, 2014 10:32 pm

Re: Memorial/wake?

Postby Danieljt » Tue May 12, 2015 4:36 pm

I prefer to be cremated and my ashes spread in the lake. I know it would probably be like in the Big Lobowski movie if I know my family!
Jackie
70 male stage 3b cc
Dx 5/9/14
Resection 7/1/14
dx 9/14
65 yr wife DLCl
Sct 3/21/19 Ned last 8 mo.

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juliej
Posts: 3114
Joined: Thu Aug 05, 2010 12:59 pm

Re: Memorial/wake?

Postby juliej » Tue May 12, 2015 4:39 pm

I'm with Peanut and Frenchie on a Viking style funeral! :D I'd like seven archers (in matching archery outfits) to shoot flaming arrows at my reproduction Viking serpent ship as it sails off into the sunset. Then two ravens (bonus points if they are named Huginn and Muninn from Norse mythology!) released at the same time the ship is burning.

On the shore would be a basket filled with river rocks and permanent markers. Each person would be instructed to write a brief good-bye note on a stone. Then afterwards there would be a BIG party -- lots and lots of food and alcohol and dancing, especially dancing! The next day my hungover climbing/running/hiking friends would carry the "memorial stones" to the base of Half Dome or El Capitan and scatter them before making their ascent.
Stage IVb, liver/lung mets 8/4/2010
Xelox+Avastin 8/18/10 to 10/21/2011
LAR, liver resec, HAI pump 11/2011
Adjuvant Irinotecan + FUDR
Double lung surgery + ileo reversal 2/2012
Adjuvant FUDR + Xeloda
VATS rt. lung 12/2012 - benign granuloma!
VATS left lung 11/2013
NED 11/22/13 to 12/18/2019, CEA<1

justin case
Posts: 4269
Joined: Sun Sep 04, 2011 8:26 am
Location: Katy, Texas

Re: Memorial/wake?

Postby justin case » Tue May 12, 2015 4:56 pm

It may be harder for me than my wife, butt her instructions to me, was to have her cremated, and then wait to see if anyone wondered where she was. Of course most of her family lives in Mexico, and only call when it is of benefit to them.
My family also calls, when it is of benefit to them, and I believe THAT is why they make reverse mortgages 8)
Ye I'm serious,
michael
7/11 diagnosed Stage 2 colon and rectal cancer
chemo/rad
lar/temp ilio
Reversal & port removal
21 round of chemo Folfox 9tx, 5fu 12 tx
Last treatment July 2012

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Voxx66
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Facebook Username: Michael Void Ward

Re: Memorial/wake?

Postby Voxx66 » Tue May 12, 2015 5:58 pm

I seriously looked into having a funeral pyre. Nope. Illegal in Missouri. Wonder if the law is the same in all states?
DX and resect 10/2012 age 46
Stage IIa CRC
liver mets both lobes 8/2013
CEA 28
FOLFOX + Avastin 8/26/13 3 rounds
Folfox only 3 rds + rd 8
platelets low round 7,9,10 5FU only
1/14 CEA 1.0 y90
5fu
10/14 mets lung and peri
1/15 Folfiri

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exaussie
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Location: Silverton OR
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Re: Memorial/wake?

Postby exaussie » Tue May 12, 2015 6:06 pm

Permits are a pain to cross state lines. My mil wanted to be buried in california so we transported her there.
Funny story I had a great aunt who was a dr-midwife-nurse to the people of Guadeloupe in Baja. She was asked to transport a body across the border (back in wagon days) I think it was in the 30s..anyway it was illegal to do this. So she propped up the body, put a hat n blanket on it and told border police he was sick...she went across without a problem.
DS 26 yrs old diagnosed 6/13 T3N2aM1b
Resection 6/13
6 rounds chemo folfax
12/13 Fissure
hernia surgery 12/13
5 months break
Maintenance chemo 3/14
Crazy growth. Liver failing. Folfox and vectibex 7-29-14
Chemo failure Hospice 8/26
Left us 8/28

canadiandaughter
Posts: 676
Joined: Sun Aug 17, 2014 11:19 am

Re: Memorial/wake?

Postby canadiandaughter » Tue May 12, 2015 7:31 pm

My parents have their funeral plans all arranged with the funeral home in their community. I think that will be a huge relief when the time comes for us kids being we all have very different opinions. From my own experience lately, I think there has to be something so that those who are mourning have some sort of closure. I lost 2 past students a couple weeks ago to a tragic car accident so attended both services. The first was a wonderful, very personable service. The second one, for the boy who was actually one that I worked with often and was very close with, was just a church service. There was NO eulogy or anything personal at all. Both services were in the same catholic church, same priest. The later was a full mass service though. I went with my daughter and our principal as she knew how close I was to this boy and wanted me to have support. Well to be honest, I did not shed a tear, I felt like I was just at church. It was awful! Not that i feel one needs to cry, but I felt I needed something so that in my brain I could realize that yes, he was gone. I know that sounds selfish, as I am sure that is what the family wanted, but after talking with a few others who attended, we all felt the same way. It was like we really didnt get to say goodbye! Its almost like it isnt real. I know the services that are very personal are extremely hard to go to, but I think that is what people need to help them grieve. A memorial really isn't for the one who has passed away, it is for friends and family to grieve and show support for each other. I had to come home and watch PS I love you the next day and have a good cry. When I go, I want my family to sit around and have a few cool ones and share memories of me. I am a faithful person, but I feel a funeral needs to be about the one we lost, not all about god and being forgiven for our sins.
DD to 81 year old father
dx 24/07/14 iv cc mets liver/lung
folifiri started 19/07/14
shrinkage of all mets
growth in the liver,started folfox/avastin 80% 13/01/16
reduced to 70% due to side effects 27/01/16
First scan on folfox shows shrinkage in lungs, but liver just stable
6 rounds of vectibix-fail. 3cm growth and new spots showing Waiting for panel recommendations
At peace January 8, 2017

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Sleen
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Joined: Tue Jan 14, 2014 7:41 am
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Re: Memorial/wake?

Postby Sleen » Tue May 12, 2015 9:55 pm

I want the biggest funeral my church can accommodate.
I've mentioned it to my family even before diagnosis. I want it to be a joyful thing. And I want it to be forty years from now...or so. ;)

Celine
my blog: Cancer Riot

NED since April 2016!
April 2016: lower left lung lobectomy. NED
8 mo. f/u: 1 of 7 tumors progressed.
6 mo. f/u PR confirmed (Jan 2016)
Jul 2015: NIH TIL trial NCT01174121 NCI/NIH Surgery Branch FAQ
Dec 2014 confirmed stage IV w/bilateral lung mets
FOLFOX + Radiation (bladder)
KRAS G12D :: MSS
dx Sep 2013 @47yo: IIIc T4b N2b MX [bladder invasion, 17/21 lymph nodes]

Married 28 yrs. kids: 24, 21, 17, 12, 10
SE Michigan home schooler, unemployed mechanical engineer, and programmer.

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CRguy
Posts: 10285
Joined: Sun Feb 10, 2008 6:00 pm

Re: Memorial/wake?

Postby CRguy » Tue May 12, 2015 9:56 pm

Wow !
SYNCHRONICITY….. WOW !
Thanks Skypup for this venue to rant / vent / SHARE …..

Just got home from a "traditional" Italian service and …..celebration of life / wake / memorial / party ???? for an in-law family member with aggressive Stage IV prostatic "C".

I love hearing everyone's wishes and views here.

Here are some of mine ……. usual disclaimers apply …..

Having traced my Icelandic lineage back TO Leif Erikson, and still working on my connections to a few gnarly Scottish rebels ……
the references to burning ship sendoffs to Valhalla actually made me want to reply here.
I am DOWN with that…. Totally, and was really surprised that so many other folks resonate with that.

Being trained in Asian martial arts and having studied eastern / asian philosophies and religions … I understand the ritual cleansing stuff….
just NOT ME. I know… the same thing with ancient mid eastern religions …. STILL not me.

but a friend keeps reminding me that the ceremonies are for the living, not for me.


Skypup I throw this back into discussion because today… we were all "there" for the widow and her family ( which is ours ) and I told her :

" He is now free from pain, but the pain of losing him is yours. We will all take care of you."

The living LIVE with the grief, the dead … are gone.

Have NO idea what I am trying to say with this post which is exactly why I will post it.

In living and dying we ARE who we are
we touch others in ways we never imagined … for better AND for worse
BUTT we are, in the end just exactly WHO we are

I love the burning vessel
whether real or metaphysical
……….

sign me up
light me up

cast me adrift
ALWAYS … on the Journey

canadiandaughter
Posts: 676
Joined: Sun Aug 17, 2014 11:19 am

Re: Memorial/wake?

Postby canadiandaughter » Tue May 12, 2015 10:01 pm

" He is now free from pain, but the pain of losing him is yours. We will all take care of you."

The living LIVE with the grief, the dead … are gone.


Love what you said here CRguy. So true!
DD to 81 year old father
dx 24/07/14 iv cc mets liver/lung
folifiri started 19/07/14
shrinkage of all mets
growth in the liver,started folfox/avastin 80% 13/01/16
reduced to 70% due to side effects 27/01/16
First scan on folfox shows shrinkage in lungs, but liver just stable
6 rounds of vectibix-fail. 3cm growth and new spots showing Waiting for panel recommendations
At peace January 8, 2017

PainInTheAss
Posts: 668
Joined: Tue Jul 02, 2013 3:08 am

Re: Memorial/wake?

Postby PainInTheAss » Wed May 13, 2015 2:12 am

I want to be cremated but I am very mindful of what land mark I will ever ruin for my loved ones. My mother wanted her ashes spread over Sedona when she died and we honored her wish. And then I couldn't go to Sedona for years. She's all over Sedona, not just one fishing hole. It's like she IS Sedona now. I'd love to have my ashes spread over the ocean because I love the ocean, but I don't want to ruin the ocean for my kids. "Dry off... You have my mom all over you."

All I know is that I don't want an urn carried around from place to place that someone could knock over and break and I'd get sucked into the vacuum. I think planting some ashes with a tree is a great idea. Unless the tree dies...

I like the idea of a memorial type party like in PS I Love You... In 40 years.
47yo single mom of 4 (24, 21, 18, 16) at Dx
6/13 - RC T4b IIIc 5LNs on PET CEA 5.4
8/13 - Finish chemorad
10/13 - APR/hyst+ovaries/perm colostomy 2/12 nodes+
6/14 - Finish Xelox 6 rds
1/15 - CT clear CEA 0.2
10/15 - CT/MRI clear CEA 0.7
4/16 - CT clear
10/16 - CT/MRI clear CEA 0.6
5/17 - PET clear? Follow up MRI to verify inflammation

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elise
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Joined: Fri Apr 27, 2012 5:09 pm
Location: Ontario (Canada)

Re: Memorial/wake?

Postby elise » Wed May 13, 2015 8:44 am

For my dad, we chose to do nothing special. He was a simple man (an amazing creative giving person) and I felt that it's what he would have wanted. Looking back, there are days where I wish we had done something to commemorate his life.

For me, I'm like my dad and want nothing special. Cremate me and do whatever you please with my ashes. If you want me to sit in a shelf with you forever, that's ok. If you want to release my ashes, that's ok. I'll be gone, it won't matter to me.

Maybe it's because I hate goodbyes.

Elise
2012
Feb - Stage 2 (T3 N0 M0) CC @ 30
Mar - R hemicolectomy, 18 LN
May-Nov 6 - Chemo (8 Xeloda)
2013
Feb - NED
2014
Feb - NED
May - Stage 4 - 1 liver met @ 32
Jun - Liver resection
Oct - CLEAN SCAN
Aug-Jan - FOLFOX 5 rounds, 5FU X 6
2015
Ap, Oct - NED
2016
Mar - NED

Kiwi Debz
Posts: 167
Joined: Fri Aug 22, 2014 9:42 am
Facebook Username: Deb Goldby

Re: Memorial/wake?

Postby Kiwi Debz » Wed May 13, 2015 10:00 am

I am going to be buried with my son. All sorted.

No miseries ... I have told my family I am going to write and/or video my own eulogy as I have to have the final word and I don't want to hear a bunch of misery crap about my life. My life, my story so I will tell it.

Followed by a party.......I do like Robs idea of having one before though .... Not much fun for me if I am not there!

Deb
6/14 DX mCrc stage 4
7/14 R. hemicolectomy; 4/17 LN; liver res. peri met; repair to illiac artery
8/14 FOLFOX
10/14 PET recurrence LN; liver ? Peri met Continue FOLFOX
12/14 PET: stable .Liver only! FOLFOX
02/15 Liver resection. NED
03/15 foundation One testing - BRAF mutant
05/15 progression; Hilum node; both lungs?
08/15 NED !!!!
Age 51 Mum to Tom (RIP) and Jose 18
KIA KAHA - Be strong!


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