My mind is reeling, please help me slow it down.

[Deborah614]

I can't quite believe this yet, but yesterday my husband told me he's been undergoing testing for lung cancer. Seriously? While I was hospitalized for 11 days with radiation enteritis and severe dehydration following 28 treatments of chemo and radiation, he had a scan done on what he thought was a hernia, but instead showed a mass on his right lung, and it lit up during a PET scan. Today he had a biopsy. He has been such an amazing support and a true angel while I've been down and never hinted at being scared for his own sake. I'm almost devastated, but not quite, because I'm still processing it.
I'm having my rectum removed in 4 weeks. I've resigned myself to a colostomy. After a few mortifying incidents lately, I'm just not that attached to my sphincter anymore. I'm not afraid of the adjuvant chemo or the side affects. What I'm facing with the rectal surgery is making me think crazy thoughts though, now that my husband is facing this possible (95% probable) diagnosis of lung cancer. We don't have a plan for him yet, the biopsy won't be back til the end of the week, so we don't really know anything about our future. (Once again.) My personal plan was to have the surgery, then kick ass chemo for a few months. I felt sure that was the way to go because my doctors said so and I've read this forum for hours and hours since mid December. Today, not so sure. I'm thinking of taking the "watch and wait" approach so that I'm not on my back, unable to sit, let alone unable to take care of my husband during his treatment. That's what I've read about the LAR surgery. Six weeks or more of feeling horrible?!? I just can't now. Today my GP adamantly insisted that I should do the surgery, even though it's a huge deal in the midst of another huge deal. She prescribed me a top shelf antidepressant. Yikes. I know what my surgeon and oncologist will say if I bring up the notion of "watch and wait". I know what my family and friends will say, but I'm saying I just don't want to do it at this time.
Please, someone, tell me what it's really, really like to lose your rectum. I need some experienced, empathetic and logical guidance and understanding. Please, while you're being honest, tell me chances are my vagina won't fall into the void where my rectum used to be and I won't walk lopsided because my hips are misaligned. Tell me to stop reading the horror stories. Tell me to not Google lung cancer tonight. Someone should probably tell me to buck up, too.

Deb.

[JJ2212]

Hi Deb,

My surgery was an APR, where they remove the anus and the rectum (picture a Barbie's butt). Experiences with surgery vary, but you are definitely painting a picture of a bad-case scenario. I was able to sit in a chair a couple of days after surgery, not 6 weeks later. And i was so relieved to not have to run to the toilet 30 times a day that the colostomy was easy to adapt to. It gave me my life back.

I won't say it was a breeze, but even with a wound complication, I was more mobile post-surgery than I was before. And no longer relied on pain medication to get through the day.

Over and above all this, the peace of mind I had knowing that the primary cancer was out was priceless. IMO, you have to take care of yourself first in order to be there for someone else.

Good luck with your decision making.

Janie

[cathy123]

So very sorry - what you were going through was already awful I can't imagine dealing with your husband having cancer also. I hope you get good news that his is also treatable (or even better not cancer). But even if that is the case it is going to be some tough times ahead. I hope your kids or other friends or family are close by and able to help you out.

You will have to make the decision, but I would try to do the surgery if at all possible. That is the main opportunity for cure and you don't want the hardearned progress you gained during radiation to be lost. I had laproscopic LAR surgery in early March with a temp ileostomy. I don't know if yours will be able to be laproscopic, but I will tell you my experience. I was in the hospital for 4 days. The first few days that I was home I spent most of my time in bed and it still hurt to get up and down or to do stairs. After a week I was still weak but able to putter around the house a bit and not really having much pain or taking strong meds anymore. After two weeks I was able to take short walks and do basic errands just taking it easy still. I had a bit of a relapse because there was a tear at the connection site and I was having some bleeding and pain, but even with that I would say that by 4 weeks out I was back to normal activities, just needing a bit of extra rest still. Today was actually six weeks out and I feel no effects from surgery whatsoever. The bag really freaked me out for the first few weeks, but the home nurses have helped me out a ton and I would say that I am doing pretty well with it now.

For your stage depending on biopsy results some find that chemo is not needed or they can just do Xeloda so maybe that would make sense to put off if you find yourself needing to put your husband first.

Again I am so very sorry and sending your and your husband prayers and healing thoughts. Take care.

[pfCml73183]

Deb, I am sorry you have to go through all this right now.
Do you think it would make more sense to continue the path you are on now?
If you get your work done and get better you can be there for your hubby.
What does he think you should do?
I think if you didn't want to wait and see before than you shouldn't change your mind. It sounds risky.
How about keeping your surgery appointment for now. You can decide when you hear what his doctor recommends.
I hope you can relax a little and get some sleep.
take care, Celeste

[skypup]

So sorry for the horrible news for your family. However, unless you are in really, really bad shape, your LAR recovery should be nothing like you are thinking. I had LAR and I was walking the next day, sitting in a chair for hours before I left the hospital in 4 days, walking a mile within 10 days, went back to work (carefully) at 3.5 weeks (as a massage therapist!), and hiked for 5 miles in tough terrain at 4 weeks. I was in great shape at the time so that helped a lot, but I tell you my experience so you have perhaps a better idea of what recovery may be. And if you wait, when might be a better time? Maybe not for too long. This is so hard, but please take care of yourself and then you two can join together in managing.

[Kick'nAssCancer'sAss]

Listen to your surgeon and do the surgery and the chemo. I had open LAR and was out of hosp in five days. It was rough but you will get through it one day at a time. It will give you peace of mind and you will be able to focus more on your husband knowing you have done everything for your cancer you can be there for him.

[Deborah614]

Janie, that's what I'm getting, an APR (Barbie butt) not LAR. I knew that, butt I'm not thinking clearly. My cr surgeon is planning to use the da vinci robot if he can.
Thank you for your responses, they really are helping me to calm down. I probably should supplement the good advice with the zoloft I got prescribed today. I've never needed an antidepressant before, but I guess it's my turn.
Thank you for prayers!
Deb.

[behconsult]

Peace and prayers sent your way. Your mind is racing with all kinds of stories about your future and your husband's future; quite normal to do. I bet all the stories you are running through your head have bad outcomes, correct? The stress of it all can be a load, I know, but you don't know the future.

You can slow your mind down. Breath, and focus on the present moment. Take it one step at a time, and one moment at a time. This day shall pass, and like the seasons of the year, this season shall pass as well. Cancer sucks. The mental angst of cancer sucks even more.

You and your husband, which you don't know if he definitely has cancer, will be around tomorrow, as well as next week, and the week thereafter. You will live to fight another day. If you need some online resources for staying in the present, PM me. Also take comfort in the positive thoughts and prayers sent your way. Sending healing vibes you. Bob

[kellywin]

Deb,

I am so sorry to hear this. I can't speak to the exact procedure you are having, but I did have a LAR, laparoscopic. Surgery on Tuesday, home Friday. Once I was home, I didn't need anyone to care for me. I could walk around fine. I know that your procedure is different, but I think you'll be surprised that you'll heal faster than you think.

If it were me, I'd continue on the plan you're on. Who knows what will happen with your husband or what the treatment might be or how long before he would get started. I think the faster you can get your surgery done & heal, the better.

Take care.

[Delinda2]

Oh Sweetie, I can't even imagine! I understand that you want to be there for your hubby, but the best way to do that is to take care of yourself. I really think you need to follow your doctors plan. It's what is best for you and in the long run, what's best for him too. Best of luck to both of you. XXOXO, Delinda

[KWT]

I can't begin to tell what a raw deal I feel you've been dealt. But don't skimp on your own treatment it will only cause more problems in the not so distant future.

[Regan]

When you fly....they instruct you to put your own oxygen mask on FIRST, before your children ....in case of an emergency

You're gonna need your oxygen

Heartfelt caring sent to you...one day/procedure at a time

[pfCml73183]

Good advice Regan!

[chixter]

you have to take care of yourself first in order to be there for someone else.

I learned this early on when I was about to lose my mind. And I learned it here. You have to take care of your problem, then be strong to care for hubby.

[Delinda2]

Hey Deb, are you seeing a trend here? LOL