My wikiHOW on staying sane with stage 4

[vilca11]

I've been reading posts where people ask how others deal with the emotional part of being stage 4. And I thought that may be my way of staying sane would help someone to chose something from my "menu" that might work for them too... It is not easy, but it could be done. I encourage everyone who found peace with their terminal cancer to post their way to handle emotions - on some levels, suffering from the physical side of our disease is not the worst part, the emotional side is...

My "menu"/tools, NOT in the order of importance:
1) Antidepressant - helps a lot.

2) Melatonin at night - helps with cancer, but also with mood.

3) Doing everything your heart wants (of course, not affecting others in negative way), letting go of all usual "do's and don'ts", being FREE

4) Meditation - must be done correctly to have effect. Osho's lectures are the only right way in my opinion.

5) Reading all you can get your hands on about NDEs studies and University of Virginia studies on young children with phenomena of past life experiences.

6) Reading Robert Monroe Ultimate Journey about astral travelling

7) Being where you want to be and with whom you want to be... REALLY want to be...

Giving up all material attachments and enjoying what truly matters in life - the relationships and nature wonders

9) Waking up in the morning, going outside, seeing beauty and magic in everything what surrounds you, looking in the sky and at the rising sun and thanking Universe for giving you a chance to experience Life on Earth.

10) Loving human race with all its imperfections, not judging, not fighting, not paying attention to small and not so small things, forgiving yourself and others, ACCEPTING our world and everything in it, understanding that good and bad are sides of the same coin, whether it pertains to people, events, world, or whatever...

11) Watching good movies, listening to music you love, and NOT watching TV

12) Not thinking of your cancer, just taking actions when needed and living life as if you are free from it...

13) Thinking of others more than about yourself, give and give and give until the end...

14) Accepting your negative emotions and slowly transforming them into non-existent in your heart... Then you heart will be filled only with love and empathy to others.

15) Full comprehension that Death does not exist in the sense we used to look at it will come to you after reading at least what I mentioned in this post (and much more if possible) and successful correct meditation. Fears disappear, questions "why" disappear, understanding of Life and Death circle comes, understanding of all what really goes on in Life comes, all questions about why we are here on Earth and the purpose comes, understanding of what is really important comes, etc... You will get Peace - with yourself, with cancer, with others, with Universe, with the world... Gravity disappears and you will be in your free flight thru your journey, full of joy and love and curiosity...

Love to all, Vilca

[JJ2212]

Thanks Vilca for taking the time to share these tips.

Janie

[Voxx66]

Mine are very different I think - also not in order - and these apply only to people like me - no wife no kids - others should find their own path:

1) Have fun as much as possible.
2) Understand death is likely the end and that is a good thing. (For some if it helps to believe it is not - then do so. I'm alive - what do I know?)
3) Keep busy - start projects - build things - see things - whatever you like.
4) Study philosophy if you are of that bent.
5) Get lots of sleep.
6) Don't allow yourself to become bitter or hateful.
7) Behave with respect towards others.
Laugh because it's better than crying.
9) don't be afraid to splurge and buy what you want. Material possessions are NOT a bad thing.
10) watch movies, listen to music, read books - and yes - watch TV if you like.
11) It's time to put yourself first - but DON'T take advantage of others.
12) pet a kitten or a good dog every once in awhile.
13) pray if you like. It's a good form of meditation. And it doesn't matter whether anyone/anything is listening or not.

[skypup]

My list, a bit different from Vilca's as I am having a lot of pain and am feeling the end these days...

1) go ahead and watch feel-good TV to pass time if needed
2) ignore politics if possible and don't let people bring their negativity to you
3) try to separate from meanness, period
4) let the hard things of the world belong to those who will go on
5) try to see beauty; for me it is nature, friends and Sky
6) spend time with good friends and limit the cancer talk, being honest but not "all cancer all the time"
7) buy anything you can afford if it makes life nicer
have some long-term plans just in case you get more time than you expect
9) be grateful for the easy life we have in the first world, a fortunate birth
10) take long baths with essential oils and bath salts
11) read good books
12) be okay with silence (you can call it meditation or prayer if you like)
13) believe that death will be kind even if there is no other side
14) try to cultivate a taste for altered reality (not easy for me)
15) get all affairs in order early in the game to make things easy on those who will take on the job of closing out your stuff
16) write your own obituary, nobody else knows your story or your voice as well as you do
17) get a robot vacuum cleaner and an adjustable bed
18) diito voxx, let people help but don't take advantage
19) wish good things for all beings

That's it for now...

[Voxx66]

Politics is one of my obsessions ha. Ignoring them would be like giving up food for me. (You don't know how hard I try to keep them out of my posts here)

[vilca11]

Oh, guys, I am so glad we have now so many things on the "menu"!!! People can just chose what will suit them more without reinventing the wheel... I hope others chime in, the more the better... Thank you, Voxx and Skypup for sharing yours, now I too have more choices and better understanding what make others happier in our unfortunate circumstances... Skypup, it is very sad to know you are in so much pain, I somehow did not gather it before... How come they can't make you pain free with all the available narcotics? Or it is a constipation and you can't take lots of it because of that? I thought, here in the US, they can make it virtually painless for us.... I wonder, how I will be able to handle pain and liver failure in the mountains, if even here they can't make you comfortable enough.... I guess, lots of MJ would be the only way for me, while I never smoked it...
Got your last post, Voxx - yes, the favorite things must stay, that is for sure... whether it is politics, or anything else... for me the favorite thing now is spending time with my dog and cat and gosling... and movies... and talking to my childhood friends over the ocean via Skype...
Hugs, Vilca

[skypup]

Vilca, narcotics make me quite sick and MMJ doesn't make me feel very good either. I do use them to quell the pain as needed. There is a point where terminal sedation may be my treatment of choice if things keep getting worse. Not tomorrow, but when I choose. Note that Olivia has had a hard time posting due to pain meds as did Jacekica, so I think it is not unusual to have big problems arise from the pain meds. I am a bit jealous of those who feel good from opiates... Just to be clear, my situation is quite volatile now, but I could go in a month or make it a year, no way to tell.

Voxx, I understand about enjoying political discussion. I guess it's the meanness that has evolved here in the States that distresses me so. I do acknowledge that I would be a more evolved spirit if it didn't upset me, and I am still working on that.

[jillbugs4110]

This was really awesome thank you.

[jillbugs4110]

Hard to feel alone with this but I enjoyed everyone's honesty I am scared I too flip out on pain meds I am difficult to others and mmj...will not be strong enough for what you need sometimes. Ughh I hate even having to think about this crazy stuff.

Night
thank u

[pollo65]

Thank you all, I came away with new things to do, Sky I am so sorry you are in such pain. I take a mmj edible called Chebba chews which helps me control pain by using different amounts. Anyway I am on my to bed to see if I can sleep. Thank you for the suggestions.
Pollo 65

[Frenchie's Wife]

This is an excellent post !!
It is revealing to see that we are all basically on the same page.

As I get closer to the end of my journey, I feel myself sometimes hoping
things would speed along a bit faster. I am getting anxious to see what is
on the other side !! I know this sounds morbid, but I am truly curious.

I can understand Houdini's thinking about the afterlife. He had some unique
beliefs. Look it up if you can, it makes for amazing reading.
Among other things, he told his wife that he would find a way to contact
her after he died. He told her to be very sensitive to suttle signs.
She believed until her dying day that he would somehow find a way, he didn't.

My space ship is fuiled up and ready. I could take a sudden turn for the worse or
live another year or more. Only God knows at this point and he has not briefed
me yet. You good folks will know when I know. I am playing it by ear these days.

[vilca11]

I am getting anxious to see what is
on the other side !! I know this sounds morbid, but I am truly curious.
.

Frenchie, you made my before bed time with the above line of yours! It is exactly how I feel, may be not that much in a hurry, though... It reminded me a funny incident that happened a year ago. My neighbor brought a whole box of champagne mangos for my daughter the next day after her arrival from London to Vilcabamba, our Ecuadorian home in the mountains. These mangos are the most delicious ones and my daughter just loves them. So, she just came, she is full of fear for me disappearing in the Universe so to speak, with tears in her eyes all the time, etc. And this guy comes to my terrace with a shiny smile from ear to ear, puts the box on the floor, hugs my daughter and asks her "Are you excited about your mom's upcoming trip?" Rita was stoned, she knew what he meant...

It is funny, but half of the Vilcabamba gringos (few thousands from all over the world), are sure they've seen the aliens, flying objects, some have the third eye, others travel astral, shamans are all around, etc... Too much even for me, but keeps the atmosphere of the place exciting, funny and makes you think about all this stuff....

Otherwise, our Vilcabamba Valley is a magnificent place, with incredible energy, unbelievable beauty and natural wonders, with the sky right over your head populated by huge shiny stars, fantastic sunrise and sundown, rainbows every other day from sacred Mandango mountain (the profile of Inca's King Mandango), hundreds of colorful birds and mountain lions, corrals with beautiful horses, alpacas, lamas, etc, etc, etc.... A famous American astronaut lived there, died recently, he created yearly world UFO symposiums gatherings there, a famous raw foodist lives there (Matt Monarch, many know his website), and has yearly world raw food conferences there too. Mike Adams / Health Ranger sold his place a few years ago - many know his website. There are strange things going in the sky there for sure, I can't deny that. But I was an aircraft engineer in Russia, it is hard for me to believe in anything of that sort, it has to be really overwhelming evidence when it comes to ghosts, flying objects, aliens, to think that it all just MIGHT be possible. But I do believe in past life and Life/Death cycle and Universe and Destiny, because I have my own experience (many times) with that all and because I've been reading studies on that...

Anyway, going back to the beginning of the post - it was a bad joke for my daughter, who does not believe in these things, she started crying and my neighbor was very surprised that with all her IVY League education she does not know that the trip to the other side is an exciting adventure we all going to have!
Hugs and good night to all - sweet dreams, dear friends... Vilca

[Ceebo]

I really have appreciated reading the many posts listed under this thread. My DH has stage 4 CC, but these ideas really are helpful to the caregivers as well. Sometimes the daily mental and emotional distress and uncertainty can get overwhelming. As caregivers, we want to feel that we are doing everything we can to support our loved one. Sometimes there is so much information and so much that is "unknown" that we need to find ways to decrease the stress.

We are fortunate to have a deep faith and supportive family and friends to help us along this journey. This forum has also been an invaluable resource. Thanks so much to all of you for being willing to open your hearts and share with the rest of us.

[ktwmn]

This is a great thread that I will be referring to often. I am having a very hard time dealing with the sense of fear, uncertainty etc. associated with this recurrence. I live alone, also, so facing a not very hopeful future amid the chaos of those who are not a part of the cancer world admonishing me to "be positive" is trying. Thanks, Vilca, for starting this post. BTW Vilcabamba sounds amazing.

[jalusa]

I live alone, also, so facing a not very hopeful future amid the chaos of those who are not a part of the cancer world admonishing me to "be positive" is trying.

Doe anyone else struggle with "cheerleaders"?