First blog post in a long time.

[Rheaeliza]

I've been writing a bit here and there but not like I used to, and not publicly. This one has been mulling around in my head for a bit, not ready to put it on facebook but wanted to share it with you guys here.


http://thisisreallyhappeningtome.blogsp ... after.html

[skypup]

Thank you for posting -- you so exactly said what I have struggled with! I miss the life I had, too, and the stolen future.

Hugs!

p.s. I, too, still put on her clothes and makeup and many think I'm her, yet I never can forget that I am not.

[Rheaeliza]

Thanks Skypup! And you nailed it too...the fact that we still do it, live in that life, wear the clothes, go through the motions, but we are not that person and everyone else thinks we are!

[jillbugs4110]

This is accurate I feel like I died before death it's hard to push on with a f'd up new normal huh....good job well said.

[lpas]

So true and well-written. You and Julie YW have that blogging gift.

[KWT]

Very nice Rhea

[jillbugs4110]

Rhea

I had a question did you have any peri mets even microscopic prior to.your.liver resection??

Thanks jill

[juliej]

Your blog post really resonated with me. I was afraid of relationships because of the posts on this forum. I don't know what scared me more - the couples who crashed and burned because the caregiver couldn't handle the situation, or the ones whose lives were destroyed because he/she loved the patient so much and couldn't save them in the end. I'm just now getting some sense of normality, but it isn't my old normality. In this one, I am stronger in some ways and weaker, or at least more fragile, in others. I agree with you about losing a part of yourself that will never return though. You hit the nail on the head with that one. Thanks for writing -- and keep it up!

[Frenchie's Wife]

Deep down I know you don't want to hear anymore feel good crap. That's for
those non believers, right.
Let me tell you something girl. Take a step back and lookat what you just wrote.
I will break it down in plain English for you:
I can never be the woman I was because the cancer MIGHT come back. I am wasting
these precious NED free moments worring about IF it will ever come back. I CANT be
Happy any more !! That is exactly what you just said in you blog, but in a nice way.

Try making a list. Divide it in two and try HARD to find some positives about
all this. It will surprise you ! Try it, what have you got to lose princes. KIDS !!

[vilca11]

Rhea, that was a beautifully written piece by a beautiful person... Nope, you are not her anymore, neither is anyone who went thru cancer, concentration camp, death of a child, war, etc... Or who just grew older... The difference is that it was a drastic, fast change, though... shocking one... But life is about that - the changes, the stages, the acceptance and adjustments.... Cancer did not steal the person you were - it is going to be always inside you, it is your "Self #1" on the first stage of your life, it is combined now with your "Self #2" that went thru the horrible experience... it will be a "Self #3", etc, like the onion or cabbage, they cover each other with the center being the CORE...

You had many wonderful years of life, you are so very lucky - say the gratitude to Universe for having a chance to become what your Self t#1 was, to live that kind of life in the past....And ask Universe to help you now.... to help to lose the Fear and refine your Self #2, to show you the right direction, to enable you to enjoy and be in piece every living day NOW, while never forgetting your fantastic past, your youth efforts, your successful adulthood...

You are going to have a long life, I see it from your blog and your signature, and your potential at having fantastic Self #3,4,5 etc is tremendous... Live it all to the fullest with your new attitude, new perception, new feelings... do not fight negative feelings and fears, just accept them and meditate on losing them, on transferring them into realization that the circle of Life was created by Universe and is sacred... Who are we to question 'why", to be angry or bitter or jealous, to claim life being unfair? We had a chance to have Earthy experience, to love, to enjoy, to cry, to go thru pains, and, yes, to die when our destiny says so... How many people die without having experience you had and without even hope that they might survive? You have even more than a chance for your long life, not just a hope... Cherish that, dear Rhea... You are a very intelligent, deep person, I know you will understand very well all what I said above... I am not consoling you with cheap wordings, I feel everything and cry with you... But I am twice older and perhaps more experienced in tragic parts of Life. I would be really sad, if what I wrote did not help you a bit...
Sending you hugs and love, Vilca

[Frenchie's Wife]

See, she said that in English for you. You have to take a step back an LOOK AT THE
BIG PICTURE !! STEP BACK !!
I dare you to think of something funny about your situation !! Double Dare !!!
I hope you take me up on this.

[skypup]

I find that acknowledging the difficult aspects of cancer doesn't mean turning irrevocably to the dark side. We can do that and still embrace each day with joy and gratitude. I think Rhea expresses that.

[MSJC]

I'm grateful for all I still have, but must agree that I really miss the old "normal" me. Anyone that goes thru all the shit that it takes to get rid of this disease and says they haven't changed must be a lot tougher than I'am! I'll never be the same!!

[Delinda2]

Excellent Reah. Not only well written, but honest and insightful. For those full of advice on how to get past these feelings, I suggest you read the piece again and pay particular attention to the last sentence. This talented writer understands exactly what she needs to do. It's the same thing we all need to do in our own way. Read her last sentence again, it's all right there. Thank you Reah, I feel honored that you shared it with us first. Now I can't wait to read your other pieces. XXOXO, Delinda

[Bev G]

Rhea, thanks for posting your eloquent, meaningful and beautifully written blog. It was moving and really insightful. I am way, way older than you, yet I hadn't been able to articulate the feelings engendered by the kidnapping. Thank you.

Love,

Bev