How did you react when you found out?

[Valorie]

I found out during my colonoscopy (I asked not to be heavily drugged). The GI doc said,"ah oh, there's a mass". I said to call it what it is. She said she believed it to be cancer. I remember thinking - Well sh•t. Guess it's time to put the big girl panties on, buck up and hit it head on. My next thought was about my husband and son. I knew they would take the news harder than me. I am a bull by the horns now, fall apart later kind of gal. If I was anything but in warrior mode over my dx, my family would have freaked.

[KWT]

Hey Val, don't those masses look big on that screen

[BrownBagger]

Not well. My first reaction was to try to figure out the best way to commit suicide. Then I toyed with the idea of becoming such a miserable bastard that nobody would miss me when I'm gone.

I've come a long way since then. And, I'm a much better person for it.

[Valorie]

Kenny T -They are big ugly things - especially up on a 4 foot tv screen on the wall.

[GreenMonkey]

ROUTINE colonoscopy, late (age 53) due to breast cancer and a ridiculous amount of surgeries. I woke up with blood and the nurse told me it was normal and that the doctor would see me soon. I was then escorted into her office. She stood in front of me, told me to sit down and then said, "you have cancer. it is advanced. if it was in a better spot and not so large you would be in the ER today."

cold, emotionless, uncomfortable... like she didn't sign up for that part of the business.

[DarknessEmbraced]

I remember just seeing red on the screen during the colonoscopy and being back in my cubicle. My surgeon said they had found a lesion, that he had taken lots of biopsies and that he wanted me to get a chest,abdominal and pelvic ct scan. The nurses were taking blood. I must have seen them taking biopsies when I saw the red.

[jillbugs4110]

Shock....fear for my kids.....then I spent a week high as a kite on morphine due to an er surgery to resection.....I think you afe fortunate you could be worse I have two little ones and so far been told no hope for a resection on the liver...it appears I see very few on here in this suck ass position most of them appear to have had or are having a liver resection tho it was my only area it spread to it has been devastating. I try to just not think.....I agree WEED Oregonians solution to misery haha

[KWT]

Jill, I think there are quite a few here that were told no chance of resection. And guess what? They had a resection and even reache NED status.

[jillbugs4110]

Thatvwoukd be awesome thx kenny

[MamaN]

Had a colonoscopy which lasted about a whole five minutes. I was ready to go and waiting, I asked if everything was okay ? They said they needed to wait for my husband who I guess went and sat in the car thinking it was going to last longer. When they finally found him ,they brought us in the office, I didn't even have my butt on the chair and the dr. said I had cancer . tumor to big to do colonoscopy . What! I started to cry and they made us leave out the back door. I guess they didn't want to the upset the people in the waiting room! I had my husband pull over on a side street on the way home so we could cry. After the crying was done , I felt numb like an out of body experience ... The sky was bluer, the air smelled better, the sunshine warmer. I walked around in a daze

Then the anxeity kicked in! I had a 10 yr old son ! Once the ball was rolling ,everything happpened so fast! Sugery, port, chemo. To busy to worry ,and felt safer knowing I was getting the care I needed to get better.

[lpas]

I remember waking up after my colonoscopy with just a nurse in the room. She said they had removed some polyps, so no aspirin or ibuprofen for a week. I asked if any of them were big and she said, "you'll need to talk to the doctor." That raised immediate red flags but I wasn't expecting him to say they found a mass. I still feel badly for the doctor having to break the news. We'd been having a conversation about my kids just before I went under. I could tell he felt awful. He kept saying it's probably only stage 1 or 2--you won't even need chemo, but for some reason I didn't believe him. I spent the weekend planning my daughter's third birthday party and wondering if it would be the last one I'd see. By far it was the worst weekend of my life.

[DBF]

After my flex sig, my obstetrician came into my hospital room (I was admitted because I was already far along in my pregnancy) and said I probably have some "precancerous cells" on a polyp. He mentioned stage zero. The GI wouldn't commit to anything before the colonoscopy. Then, during the colonoscopy, I was devastated to see the big, black tumor, which looked huge on the big, flat screen. I kept asking the GI if it was a tumor, but no one would answer me. The nurse told me how the baby was doing, that he seemed to be handling things well, etc. After the colonoscopy, I was under observation while the epidural wore off, and I remember I was furious because the GI spoke with my family before he spoke with me. After the colonoscopy I was told the cancer hadn't spread, and the GI said he didn't think the tumor had grown out of the colon wall, so it was likely highly curable (wrong and wrong). I remember that first month just got worse and worse. By the time they found the liver tumor, I didnt think I could handle any more bad bews. This site was a constant support to me in those days. It took a while to recover from blow after blow of bad news. Of course, I though about my boys- stayed up all night crying at the thought of them growing up without me. I worried about my aging parents- I'm an only child. Now, a year and a half later, I'm NED right now. I still think about cancer every day, but I can honestly say that now at most times, I'm in a state of "Whatever happens, everything will be fine."

[KWT]

D, when you get that news it just keeps coming for a while doesn't it? I remember I hadn't processed the news from one test and more was already on the way.

It's 18 months later and I'm still waiting for the good news. Maybe the fact that it's 18 months later and I'm still here and healthy is the good news? hmm.... Never really thought of it that way.

[lauragb]

I went to see a colorectal surgeon because of the bleeding and other issues. I was by myself, an hour and a half from home. The doctor found the mass during the rectal exam and told me he thought it was Cancer. He set up a colonoscopy with ERUS for the following Monday so he could stage it. I felt like I was walking around in a nightmare. Those first few weeks were terrible, cried a lot, couldn't eat or sleep. (Thank you Valium for the sleep.) I felt like I was letting my family and even my rescued dogs down. Once the tests were done and treatment started, I felt better, not normal, but at least better. I spent a lot of time outside in nature to save myself.

[mrcytech]

I battled stage IV testicular cancer 11 years ago, which nearly killed me. When I was told about this diagnosis, I just looked at the doctor and said "ok.. hear we go again!!!". It hit me later, after talking with my oncologist, that this is a totally different beast.