January Blog - When is Enough, Enough?

[momof3]

I'm a regular reader and seldom poster...of both cc and your blogs. I just wanted to thank you for being so open and sharing with us. Wishing you love, peace and miracles.

[juliej]

Belle, thanks for showing us true grace and freaking honesty. My hope is that the courage and wisdom that you show to the world will continue to overshadow the dark moments so that you can choose each step, no matter how many more there are, with clarity. And I hope with every atom of my being that things change so you can stay around for years more. Sending lots of heart-felt love!

xo,
Julie

[lauragb]

Belle, you are brave to open up this topic and share your feelings. I feel like you are a backbone to this community from the support and honesty you share. My hope for you is that you will keep feeling better as the trial drug leaves your system and that your discomfort is mainly due to that and not cancer. Quality of life is everything and I hope you have a lot of that left. You just might, you know.

Love and light to you.

[tammylayne]

If this world had more Belles,,,,it would be a much smarter, much kinder, much better place.

There are so many parts to this journey,,,to have someone speak about this topic with such clarity, with such truth, with such vision is a gift. We often struggle with our thoughts, and to have someone voice those concerns allows us to process, to understand, to accept and to give ourselves permission to go where some think we should not.

Thank you Belle....thank you.

[li001sp]

Belle God bless you. Glad you're starting to feel better. You are a true warrior. Thank you for helping us.

May I ask what the name of the trial drug you were on?

I'm on stivarga now.

Thank you.

[CRguy]

It doesn't usually take me this long to get my thoughts together and chime in.
This is different.
This is about you, Belle.

I always say … " follow your gut and do what IS best for YOU " … to anyone.
… but this is about Belle, and since Feb 2008 when we both joined …… you NEVER made it about yourself. You would always just be there to support, chat, joke, question, share … without piq or malice, despite how "hot" things got on here ( and they DID ! ) …… you are always just yourself.

You ARE yourself to this day, and if I read the sentiments correctly here …. for MANY more days…. MANY MORE DAYS !

BUTT …. now your friends here have to consider what you have told us.

We MUST support you ( unanimous response from what I have seen. )
We don't want to contemplate the forum without you, OR your blogs, OR COC, OR the COLONDAR, OR each and every way in which you have touched us….. and you have … and you do.

SO …why my delay ????
I could have written you an edgy verse … would not be the first time.
I could have sent you a PM .. and kept it off forum.

BUTT … here is what I need ….

I need to support you and help you in any way I can.
I believe that is really what all of us are saying Belle….
We need to support you in the way YOU decide you need supporting….
so tell us what you really NEED from us.

This is just another reload ma sista' …. just a reload … and YOU get to choose what the reload IS !

Take your time, regroup, reach out … OR pull back and reflect.

What YOU need …..

I-FIVES
LOVE
Peace and Harmony

CR

[michelle c]

Dear Belle,

Love your blogs, thank you for sharing....❤❤❤

I have "known" you for many years here and I know just how important it is for you to have quality of life. I know how much you enjoy and love your family and friends and garden. Sometimes it is the small things that are important and mean the most. When I was on chemo, I was really sick, I didn't tolerate it very well. Mind you, I didn't find this board until my treatment had finished, unfortunately. I didn't really complain to my onc, I just sucked it up and suffered...ugh! Friends would say that I should go on a holiday when my chemo was finished....me, I just wanted to cook my family a meal or take my kids to school...it was the simple things that meant the most. I wanted to feel normal, or at least somewhat normal. I was so far from normal on chemo. Some people tolerate chemo better than others. Belle, you have gone through more than me, much more, and you've tolerated much more chemo....I understand where you are coming from....enough is enough.

Belle, you know what is best for you, I respect and understand your decision. It is a tough one, but right for you. I support you all the way....I wish that I could do something for you but all I can do is offer my support and send you love from across the miles.

Love you,
Michelle xxx

[Frenchie's Wife]

I made this difficult decision almost one year ago. I was surprised and disappointed when I told my friends and family about my decision.

With the exception of my wife and my two eldest sons, most thought that I was being selfish !!
In their minds, I was depriving them of my company. Several urged me to continue treatment, claiming that they would be devastated when I passed and they did not want to feel that way. When I tried to explain my reasoning for this decision they refused to listen and cut me off, claiming that I was upsetting them !!

My prognosis is very grim at the moment. My cancer has spread quite a bit and I am not expected to see another summer. As a matter of fact, I am meeting with my oncologist in a few hours to decide my next move. Another surgery at this time would give me a few extra months to live. I just looked at the clock and I have exactly 4 hours to make that decision !!