New diagnosis. I'm terrified

[hawkowl]

Just had my first colonoscopy Thursday, and Friday learned I have biopsy proven adenocarinoma of the rectum. The CT scan shows enlarged lymph nodes. Have trans rectal ultrasound Monday, oncology consult Tuesday, and meet with surgeon Wednesday. I am a 53 year old male, and I am totally freaking out. Lucky to have a supportive wife and family, but so scared I won't be there for them. My son just told me he plans to get married in 2017, and I am thinking the worst.

I know there is no predicting anything right now, but I just needed a place to vent, because as usual I cannot sleep. Ugh.

[KWT]

Hang in there. You have a busy week coming up and hopefully you will get some good info and a plan in place. We're all freaking out. You're hangin with the right group here.

[singingholly]

Worst scenarios are just immagination, reality is a hard marathone that's just begun. Please concentrate on winning this fight, it's in your possibilities and it's what you have to do now.
Olivia

[bitchslapped]

Welcome to the forum. You have taken the right step for information & support. You are not alone. Try not to get too far ahead of yourself & as you gain more information the "search box" will be a useful tool as well as the members here are a great resource. A cancer diagnosis is very scary, we know. Take one step @ a time as you & your doctors get a full diagnosis & a plan in place.

Best Wishes
Bitchslapped

[Val*pal]

I'm so sorry you received a cancer diagnosis. You're probably experiencing the worst days right now, but soon you will regain your footing once you begin the treatment process. I still remember the shock and numbness I experienced upon hearing my husband's diagnosis. It took me days to process the news. If you are having trouble sleeping, I suggest you get something to help with that from your doctor. You need to be alert and rested as you begin the decision making process regarding treatment. All of us need a little help at times, so it's nothing to be ashamed of.

You've made an important step in joining this colon board. The people on here will become your real support group, plus you will learn more from others who have experienced similar diagnoses than you will from your doctor.

Good luck and please keep us informed of your progress.

[lauragb]

Yes, it is terrifying, and those initial days are the worst. Once all your testing is done and you have a plan in place, you will feel better. I remember sometimes feeling simply panicked and it helped to get outside and just breathe. I worried I'd be dead in a few months but here I am three years later. You will get through this. If you can get outside in nature, I highly recommend it. Also, there is nothing wrong with getting medication for anxiety or to help you sleep when you need it. This site will provide you with so much info and support. Keep coming back and sending thoughts of support for your upcoming tests.

Laura

[orcasres]

The first days are very terrifying. This is a normal reaction. If possible, have someone go with you to the appointments since they may hear things you do not from the doctors, have a list of questions you would like answered before you go to each appointment, and plan out a way to collect the large amount of paperwork that will be coming your way soon (bloodwork, scan results, etc.). Lois

[justin case]

Just had my first colonoscopy Thursday, and Friday learned I have biopsy proven adenocarinoma of the rectum. The CT scan shows enlarged lymph nodes. Have trans rectal ultrasound Monday, oncology consult Tuesday, and meet with surgeon Wednesday. I am a 53 year old male, and I am totally freaking out. Lucky to have a supportive wife and family, but so scared I won't be there for them. My son just told me he plans to get married in 2017, and I am thinking the worst.

I know there is no predicting anything right now, but I just needed a place to vent, because as usual I cannot sleep. Ugh.

Not many GIs perform the rectal ultrasound, with a sigmoid scope. You are in good hands, and doing all the right things. I would be very surprised if a wedding in 2017 was not on your agenda
Michael

[vancouver eve]

We all think the worst until the DX and treatment actually start. Many people on the Board have had terrrible Dx and are still here, including me. Just hang in there and know we all support you.

[Valorie]

Hawk- I know you are feeling a multitude of emotions right now. Try to calm and not worry. Worry saps your strength and won't change what is. Sometimes what we imagine is worse than the reality. Hang in there. We are here to support you when you need it. There are many on this board that have been in similar situations. They will be an unlimited amount of information for the questions you will undoubtably have. Don't be afraid to ask. I've found that people here are generous, caring, and at times, a little comedic. Please come back and let us know how your appointments went. Good luck!

Valorie

[helen098]

Sorry you have to be here but glad you found us
The beginning is the hardest as everything is new
Try not to go crazy with dr Google
Remember no matter what someone here is either feeling the same way as you
Are or have been their
We are here to support, help and give you a place to vent or have a pity party....
But not for too long
Hang in there.

[lpas]

Hawkowl -- you and I are in roughly the same place. I was diagnosed in November and am still waiting for surgery and further info on staging, prognosis, etc. It's been the hardest month of my life. We celebrated my daughter's third birthday 2 days after my colonoscopy and all I could think about was how many more birthday parties I'd live to see.

I'm thinking of starting a support thread specifically for those of us who are newly diagnosed, if you have any interest.

[hawkowl]

thank you SO MUCH for all of the support. It really helps to know I am not alone. Just starting the prep for my TRUS tomorrow, so at least I will be preoccupied with that tonight. I will ask for a prescription for something tomorrow, and it is comforting to know that what I have been going through this weekend might not last forever. i am so glad that I found this community!

[FatBob2012]

Hawk,

Can not agree more with the other posters. The first days are the worst with many questions that can be reduced to "why me?" These questions will make you crazy with worry and doubt. This is not your fault and there is nothing known at this moment that could have prevented the disease (IMHO). All sizes, genders, fitness levels, skin shades and individual body shapes can, and do, struggle with this condition. I am guilty of wanting to rush to the finish line, even when there is no reason or purpose in the effort. You are in the hands of apparently skilled doctors. Learn all that you can about your condition from Internet sites such as the American Cancer Society (cancer.org) and Cancer.gov . Avoid general searches in Dr. Google! If you find that you can not sleep or are overcome with worry discuss this with your Oncologist and Primary Care Doctor since they may be able to help.

Lastly, as others have said, this is a great place to ask questions. There has not seemed to be any off limits topics. Someone here has either had the emotion or the experience.

Best wishes and welcome to the cancer marathon,
Art

[cathy123]

I was just diagnosed in October and remember that I barely slept the first week. It did get easier as I got more information and started focusing on treatment rather than just worrying I was going to die and not see my kids grow up. So hang in there, and ask lots of questions, get a second opinion. Wishing you all the best.