In the BLINK of an EYE- ***UPDATE*** + photos

[WifeOfMike]

My Dearest Friends,

I wanted to bring you up to date, so none of you are left wondering "What happened" to ME and my dear hubby Mike.

Many of you have cheered us on as we branched from traditional chemo & into the unknown Clinical Trail waters:
Tivantinib Clinical Trial- UPDATE- **NOT GOOD** viewtopic.php?f=1&t=47465&hilit=tivantinib

You stood by our side, as I shared the next fork in the road:
Another Brick in the Wall.... **UPDATE on Hubby** viewtopic.php?f=1&t=48592&hilit=brick

So with a heavy heart, I will give you a quick update here..........
A handful of months ago- had you asked, I would have made a pretty educated guess we had about 9 months to a year left of precious "TIME" left together
CT Scans between June & August and several oncological teams supported MY gut feelings. November 3rd Ct Scan showed hubby's lungs became blocked by enlarged lymph nodes-it caused partial lung collapse- catching everyone off guard
Phones were rung/ meetings were held, two radiation oncologists opinions were sought & both accepted my hubby for an immediate palliative radiation treatment-Everything was solidified a week ago Friday Nov 14th
WE just had to make it past last weekend and the goal line- this past Tuesday, Nov 18..... BUTT- our Time clock was shortened to 6 months.
We barely caught our breath, trying to continue somewhat "Normal routines" working in our store on Saturday Nov 15th.....together- setting a game plan for our shortened "Future".

The goal post within sight (via Radiation)-Then in the Blink of an Eye.... yet another cruel twist of fate- and TIME once more has been yanked from our hands
SLAM.........in the night he felt "funny", Sun morning he could barely breathe, couldn't stand...hubby hung on- with hopes he would "get over it" as usual & rejected going to a DR or ER
VOXX saved the day with his oximeter suggestion- I needed a convincing Proof WE needed help.....It read critically LOW & I called 911, Hubby & I were whisked off in an ambulance....
then 24 hours of HELL & another game changer...Long story short..... domino effect..... blockage pushed just enough to collapse more lungs- radiation is off table, no trials/ no chemo....
NOTHING left to do but run out the clock... NOTHING

I moved Heaven & Earth with a PERFECT team of family & medical team led by our new ONC to no avail. I did everything I could & then some, so feel no regrets, just heartache
Our three sons, Hospice & I Gutted my recreation/ pool table room and miraculously transformed it into a COZY hospital room in less than 5 hours- An AMAZING feat, under normal circumstances

I brought my love home Monday at 5...... Hospice set up completely- Bed, all equipment you can imagine, oxygen/pain mgmt/ in home medical, counseling- anything 24/7
It is unknown the damage the massive air blockage has done to all organs- unknown whether it is hours/ days/ months left-
If I have learned nothing else- none of us has an expiration date stamped on our asses. It is a master plan & we are just along on the journey where ever it leads

My love is stabilized- not bed ridden, but tethered to a 50' length of tubing to an oxygen machine, or portable tank for on the go (which won't be far)
Hospice IS all that they crack it up to be.... an entire team of whatever we need 24/7 & an "emergency "supply of meds covering WTF situations at my fingertips
Another thing I have mastered, but NEVER wanted to learn.

We have a few "T's" to cross.... a few "I's" to dot to tie up the last chapter of Vicki AND Mike
One of The MOST important- he wants to renew our Vows one more time.... and so we shall.......I feel blessed to have had 34 years with my soul mate, best friend & confidant.... he is in my heart for eternity
I will be Spending the loving moments I have left with my man, ensuring he is comfortable, pain free & surrounded by family and spoiled rotten
I have already stepped in overseeing our family business- run by my husband for 34 years- HUGE SHOES to fill by one of the Most dedicated, honest, hard working men in the world
We are watching our sons rally to our side as they blossom into their dads business legacy- bringing both Joy & tear filled moments- our life long dreams being fulfilled before our eyes
and last but not least..........I will be there to comfort him & our sons through the hardest lesson to learn- how to say goodbye
all else will follow the breeze- which ever way the wind blows us

I will be here intermittently, but know YOU are ALL in my heart each & every day..... I will pop in when I CAN...... mostly in the dark of night
A VERY special thanks to many friends who have helped along the way & still are- Voxx... you helped give me what time I have left..... xoxo... and a reminder to us ALL- your input MATTERS & makes a difference
Michael, Bitchslapped, O' Stoma Mia, MAIA, Peanut, Val, CRGuy, KennyT..... I could type names all night.....FORGIVE ME if I did not list YOU....... YOU KNOW who YOU are..... XOXOXOXO

I wish you ALL well on your journey,
Wife Of MIKE............Vicki

[singingholly]

Vicki, my heart just breaks... I thought so many things to tell you because I think I understand... but it's too heavy my soul to put it down in words...
You are a very special one. Your stenght, love, balance in this story is just an inspiration to us all. That's why right now you, Mike an your family are surronded by an immense and warmest love...
Olivia

[Valorie]

I am so sorry your and Mike's journey has taken this turn on the road. There is just nothing fair about this disease. You and your family have been and will continue to be in my thoughts and prayers. I'm sending you a big hug Vicki.

Val

[Marian1961]

I'm so sad for you. These are hard days, know others are keeping you in their thoughts and wishing you all peace.

[canadiandaughter]

So sorry to hear this news. I send you strength to help you on this stage of the journey, although you have proved over and over again that you are a pillar of strength and Mike is very blessed to have such a dedicated wife and partner in so many different aspects of his life. Renewing your vows is such a wonderful way to reaffirm you love for one another. I hope that is a special time for you both surrounded by your loving family. I pray that Mike is pain free and can feel the love that surrounds him. Positive thoughts for comfort, peace and strength being sent to you and your family. Take care of each other. You have been and continue to be an inspiration to caregivers on this message board.

[FatBob2012]

Vicki,

You are doing a wonderful thing taking care of DH and rallying family. What comes next can be harder to do than one would think. Please. Please, take care of yourself as well!! I hope that there is someone where you are that can be your confidant and share your personal tears, fears and joys...so important at a time like this.

Blessings of Peace and Comfort,
Art

[Val*pal]

I'm so sorry to hear this update. It does seem that everything does change in the blink of an eye. I felt that way when I suddenly realized one day that there was nothing more we could do for Danny medically. Then the focus immediately shifts to making the end as good as possible.

I know that Mike has a great warrior by his side.

My thoughts and prayers are with you both.

[horizon]

So sorry for what your husband is going through. You can feel the love you have for him through every word you typed.

[tammylayne]

I am so sorry to read this turn of events. This has been such a challenge for you, and you have risen to this challenge time and time again. The love you have for each other is breathtaking, and I am sure Mike feels it wrapped around him now,,, and always.

Sending you and your family positive thoughts...may Mike's time be painfree...so many gentle hugs to all of you...

[peanut_8]

Vicki,

YOU ARE TRUELY AMAZING.

Mike is so lucky to have you, and you are so lucky to have had so many years together.
I really hate cancer.
love, peanut

[NWgirl]

This is heart breaking. This is cancer. It sounds like you have created a beautiful, warm, loving environment for your husband to spend his last days, surrounded by those closest to him. That's what I hope for when my time comes. Sending love and prayers your way.

[CRguy]

Sometimes there are just no words Vicki.

We are with you both in spirit but with these new challenges
you need to spend your time with Mike.

Be with us when you can, but you'll never be far from our hearts.

Love Peace and Harmony my friend
CRguy

[Girl111]

So sorry to hear this .

Mike is very lucky to have someone like you . I pray that he has strength and both of you enjoy every moment .

You both seem to have battled this disease as best you could.

Tina x

[Sharona]

Vicki,
I am so saddened by your post. How quickly things can change! I shed tears for you and you beautiful family and for all touched by this #%^}*+ disease. Know that you are lived.
Sharon

[bitchslapped]

Am fighting back tears that don't come easily for me. So used to suckin it up. Thank you, WifeOfMike, as no one can articulate quite like our Miss Vicki, bringing you right into her home, feeling the emotion, still posting links to help others w/her story. Yes, Vicki, you are a role model for all caregivers...and the rest of us on how to illustrate in a meaningful way so as to help others through our own pain.
I am so touched that Mike wants to renew your vows...that in all he is going through he is thinking of how much you mean to him. You two are a very special couple is all I can say.
My heart breaks for you. I have learned from this CC forum, that we can truly care about the plight of those we have never met...that cyber friends feel real...are real.

Cyber Hugs/Thoughts/Prayers
Bitchslapped