In the BLINK of an EYE- ***UPDATE*** + photos

[Cb75]

Thank you for your update. I have always really appreciated your posts because they are so real and filled with raw emotion. Thank you for being honest and for sharing this really special time with us. I know we all wonder what is in store for us, whether we are patients, caregivers, or just standing by and watching. Sometimes when our relationships are guarded by a screen it is difficult to see the truth that is really behind the messages. You and your family are in my thoughts...

carmen <3

[Cj51]

Praying for peace and strength for you, your husband and your family.
cj

[singingholly]

When I felt death was taking my mom from my hands and that there was nothing left to do for me to avoid or even delay that... One thought came to my mind and gave me peace: death does not exist, only life exists. Life that grows, changes and then ends. So I could thouch my mother's hand, she already was in a coma..., and I didn't felt someone who was dying, but someone who was living. I felt her energy and recognized it. It was the same of ever... So holding her hand was like embrace each other, and talk about us and our love... Only the very last two days I could not find her anymore. Mike is still far away from this. He cheers for a football match! Maybe he is not denying... he is just living. I hope my words are not misunderstood.
Olivia

[Icesk8tr]

Dearest Vicki,
You and Mike have been on my mind and in my heart. I pray for your continued strength, peace and love to surround you. I'm am so sad and MAD this horrible disease is taking it's toll.

Love & Light,
Christine

[tammylayne]

Vicki...you talk about not being strong at this moment with all that is happening. I think sometimes we are strongest in those moments when we don't feel it - for those are the moments we are needed most, and we rise to the occassion. As my signature says...we don't often realize how strong we are until we have to be our own hero...or in this case - Mike's hero.

You are good. You are kind. You are awesome. You are amazing. You are love. Your are loved. AND YOU ARE STRONG.

Please be kind to yourself....many gentle hugs...

[bitchslapped]

Very much appreciate the update Sister. You deserve all the support you can get from us. Two things I loathed to hear:
1. Take care of yourself
For me that meant getting the flu shot every year so I didn't expose anyone, getting good sleep (dropped like a rock/fatigue), late night talks w/BFF for encouragement, support, wisdom
2. You are strong
Yes, I am because I have to be, not because I want to be...others are depending on me. But I didn't always feel strong due to fear, responsibility, heartache, fatigue.

Truth is you are strong & you will do what you have to do because of that. You will see this through w/whatever tools/support it takes & you will challenge yourself to do it better. I can see that from here. My axles were always grinding. Burden, stress, fatigue, heartache, fear...there is no crack in your armour. Even Jesus needed help carrying the cross.

Family stuff as far as the kids - all normal & to be expected. The rest of them - other than an occasional visit (except for parents maybe) need to save it for when you really need it; not when they need it. IMO the last thing he needs is a vigil surrounding his bed or your privacy completely invaded w/a constant stream of people. If DH enjoys it is one thing, but there may come a time when you will need help, not visitors to come sit w/him while you run errands, or they run errands for you, or bring meals, help out around the house etc. If there was a polite manner in which to get this across, I would do it because you may need the help down the road.

Who am I to question denial, but I suspect this is not the case w/DH. He is coping. When someone is told nothing more can be done, they don't need to be told twice. However, I can only speak from my experience that when the crystal ball was presented to us, we were in the final details of selling our business of which I was stuck handling because he was Done. And from DH's response, he gets it.

I'm going to follow your lead by publicly posting a few suggestions that may help, if not you, then possibly someone else as does not apply to hospice patients alone.
Given the fact that I'm not a nurse, LPN, or even a CNA, but, a caregiver I was, so here goes:
If there are a lot of flowers in the house, remove from the room he spends most of his time in or spread them throughout the house. He doesn't need the fragrance further irritating the lungs.
Hospice usually provides a type of foam egg-crate mattress topper w/channels to allow for airflow, to help soften pressure points, prevent bedsores.
The last year, my DH slept on an air mattress on the floor w/a hospice foam topper a friend no longer needed + ultra cushioned mattress pad on top of that. It allowed him to adjust the air volume for comfort. If he was hospitalized for any reason, I would request a bed w/air mattress. Last 6 mos, I got a double decker air mattress for ease of getting in & out of.
There came a time when I was sleeping on that double decker next to DM.
For DM when hospitalized I would request sheets laundered w/no detergent or fragrance-free detergent which I also used at home to prevent skin/breathing issues.
If DH chooses to lie in bed, try to encourage him to at least do foot exercises by moving his ankles/feet forward, backward, (all around if he wants to) during commercials here & there while watching TV in sets of 10 for instance, morning, noon, night to keep some muscle tone + circulation going. Additionally giving him even short leg massages w/good lotion/cream also to help w/circulation to help prevent blood clots.

Don't be too hard on yourself Dear Vicki. Try not to perceive struggles w/coping as weakness or lack of strength. It is through that process in which we find our inner strength. It is OK to feel the way you feel & OK for Mike to feel the way he feels & deal the way he deals. None of this is fair; life is not fair. But never were we ever promised fair. Cancer is dirty & we are but mere humans and is all an experiment on this earth anyway. We are here for you & each other.
XOXO
Bitchslapped

[Cb75]

When I felt death was taking my mom from my hands and that there was nothing left to do for me to avoid or even delay that... One thought came to my mind and gave me peace: death does not exist, only life exists. Life that grows, changes and then ends. So I could thouch my mother's hand, she already was in a coma..., and I didn't felt someone who was dying, but someone who was living. I felt her energy and recognized it. It was the same of ever... So holding her hand was like embrace each other, and talk about us and our love... Only the very last two days I could not find her anymore. Mike is still far away from this. He cheers for a football match! Maybe he is not denying... he is just living. I hope my words are not misunderstood.
Olivia

This has really touched me. I was having a similar thought earlier this morning, it's like you read my mind with your intent of this message. <3

[singingholly]

Hi Carm, it often happens that people on this forum find themselves thinking and feeling the same, sooner or later. I guess it's because we all have the same terrible teacher...
Big hug.
Olivia

[bitchslapped]

@singingholly -

Touching words to me also.

BS

[elise]

Vicky,

you're AMAZING. ((((((((HUGS))))))))) to you and every member of your family. You're in my heart.

Elise

[raeanne-ME]

my thoughts are with you.

[DarknessEmbraced]

So sorry to hear of this sad turn of events! Mike, you and your family are in my thoughts! Wish there was more I could say!

[drebay]

I am so sorry for what has happened.

Debbie

[lauragb]

Hugs to you. I hope sharing your thoughts spreads them out and alleviates the pressure you are feeling. You are strong and continue to be bad ass wife.

Laura

[carrie]

Dearest Vicki, you are an inspiration. Holding you and your family in my heart and sending you much love and comfort.
Karen. xxxx