Postby SkiFletch » Thu Nov 13, 2014 1:17 am
Five years ago today (Friday the 13th no less) I woke up groggy from my first ever colonoscopy at the young age of 29 and heard those fateful words. Following surgery I learned initial testing was insufficient and what we thought was easily treatable colon cancer became a nearly lethal Stage IV diagnosis with peritoneal spread. I had already been devouring every piece of information I could about CRC by that point and that was the largest mind F of my life. My onc told me the stats despite me already knowing them: 10% 5 year survival, 5% or less progression free survival. Well, for anyone that was wondering, miracles do happen. Tears run down out of my eyes as I am able to finally say I made it! 5 years. Moreover, progression free. Dragged those statistics up kicking and screaming the whole way!
The range of thoughts and emotions as I type this is remarkable. I am filled with joy, humility, sadness, thanks, love and even still a modicum of skepticism all within the flash of an instant. My mind flitters from ‘You frigging made it!’ to thanking God and all the people who have gotten me this far to ‘Why do I get to be the lucky one?’ to love for my wife for sticking around when she could have bolted and finishing up with a healthy dose of ‘Pinch me, there’s no way this is real.’ They all sort of congeal together in the melting pot that is my continuous consciousness.
No matter what, I am truly blessed to be alive today. It is only with a heavy dose of tremendous medical care, a heaping side of prayer, and a big stinking pile of swung chickens from the wonderful support here that I’m still able to write these words. Each day of my life has been a blessing the magnitude of which I’ve only been able to realize since that fateful day 5 years ago.
As always such good news does not exist in a vacuum and it stands alongside the struggles of countless others both here on this board and throughout the world. I do not mean to write this to brag or detract from anyone’s personal struggles. I will however always, always, always remember first reading this site and then joining shortly after my diagnosis. My first lurking happened the afternoon following that scope in the hospital bed. I SCOURED these boards looking for good news. It was the ONLY thing that kept me sane that evening and allowed me to sleep. There was at least some comfort in the knowledge that however bad it could get, there was at least a chance. Shortly thereafter I promised myself that if I ever “made it” in my cancer journey that I would make sure to pay it forward. So consider this former scared kid’s debt the tiniest bit paid. If you’re newly joined or newly diagnosed and lurking, there is hope. If I can still be here today, so can you.
It’s been a unique transition from worrying about cancer to living life as though it never happened. Some memories of the experience are forever burned into my mind. Others are a fog of uncertainty. Regardless, the levels of fear, anxiety, and stubborn drive/focus to beat this have been de-throned. Replaced by normalcy and the challenges of new fatherhood. I’ve had to re-invent what defines me many times in the last 5 years, though I imagine that’s just life. I hope and pray that going forward I can be a good man and a quiet help to any others who have to trudge down the road I travelled. In the short term though, it is time for dinner, 18 year Glenlivet (still corked waiting for this day), some quality time for the family, and a Bills game on national TV. I hope there can be countless days of those things for everyone here reading this.
So everybody, I'm giving yourselves an excuse. Enjoy a glass of your favorite refreshment in honor of miracles. Cheers!
11/13/09 5cm Stage IV 9/25 lymph nodes w/2cm peritoneal met at 29 YoA
12/15/09 LA right hemi-colectomy
6/16/10 Folfox
FINISHED8/10/10 Prophylactic HIPEC
10/9/10 got Married
Still NED and living life to the fullest
"Can any one of you by worrying add a single hour to your life."