When to tell my son about my diagnosis

[DarknessEmbraced]

You mean tell him after I see the doctor on November 17th?

[Krim4fun]

Hi-

I'll add my experience with telling my boys (12 & 14) last year about my cancer. They already knew that I had been having problems and had been in for tests. When I said that I found out what was wrong with me my older son guessed that it was cancer. After assuring them that it was caught early enough and it was treatable they seemed to be ok with it. But what I found to be really helpful to them was that I was able to point out about 5 neighbors and close friends that are cancer survivors. Once my 12 year old heard that and digested it all he asked if he could go outside and play. And that was pretty much it!

The best of luck to you and fingers crossed that you are truly stage I

Kim

[justin case]

You mean tell him after I see the doctor on November 17th?

If you are scared, and don't have all the answers, why would you want to take away from your child's school lessons, while you try to intake your own mortality? Whether you have cancer, or do not have cancer, should not reflect on your children's ability to gain an education, and live a relatively normal life.
You are in control of what people need to know, how you distribute that information, is purely your decision.
Michael

[Cathie]

Only you are the best judge of when and where to tell your children. Children will react differently. I agree that they don't always need to know all the details. But, again, your the best judge of how much information you give them.

Blessings

Cathie

[dianetavegia]

Tell him you're having surgery but do NOT mention cancer until you find out exactly what is going on.

[Don.in.Dallas]

From the other side of the tracks...

A visiting seven-year-old grandson pointed at a carrying case and asked "what is that?" I described that my chemotherapy regimen requires that I receive medication for 44 hours and the carrying case is what I use to attach the portable chemo pump to my belt-loop. Naturally my grandson asked about chemotherapy so I began to describe how it is used to treat my cancer. His mother, my daughter, interrupted and said "we don't talk about that stuff" and rushed the kid off to play. Nothing more was made of it.

I didn't know the position my daughter had taken so I inadvertently spoiled her secret.

My grandson eventually circled around to talk about the belt clip, cancer and chemotherapy. In the meantime I had pondered the awkward circumstance and decided that, since I didn't agree to withhold any truths from my grandchildren, I do not feel bound by the decision my daughter made. She is free to make her decisions and I am free to make mine. I am not comfortable being deceptive with my family.

So, my daughter is keeping a secret from my grandson. And my grandson and I are keeping a secret from her.

Bad me.

[NZJay]

@Don In Dallas. Awesome story! I remember having secret conversations with grandparents when I was a kid, often poking fun at my parents. They're pretty warm memories and, despite the dark topic, I am sure your grandkid will look back fondly upon those moments where you had your secret chats. Good stuff!

[canadiandaughter]

Sometimes when you keep secrets from kids it scares them more because they think it must really be bad if you are not telling them. Their imaginations run wild!

[DarknessEmbraced]

I agree secrets aren't good.

[canadiandaughter]

But in reality Darkness, you know your son, we don't, so you will be the best judge at what he can and cannot handle. Whatever you do, I know you will have his best interests at heart as you are his mom! Good luck to you, I know this is not easy.

[lhawk0730]

I just had this conversation with my husband. But we are getting ready to tell our kids (7 & 12) about my mom (their grandma). She lives down the street and they see each other often. Because she is starting chemo radiation in the next week or so, we don't want them to be unnecessarily afraid of what the potential side effects are or by keeping them away do from her for months when the norm is to see her every few days. We are going to wait until we see how mom responds tobtreatment. Then we will tell them she is sick and needs to take some medicine which might make her feel pretty bad, followed by a surgery. We decided to take a very optimistic to route with them. Our 12 yr old may ask questions and we will answer those with more details if/when that comes up. Keep us posted on how your son does...and you of course.

[Deb m]

I agree with everyone. Tell you children the truth!. Our sons were 12 & 13 years old when my husband was diagnosed. We told them the truth about everything.

[mymom]

i would not say anything until after surgery and you have all te facts.

[Icesk8tr]

Belle, remember our late friend from a couple years ago (the guy who bought the plane and then the FFA wouldn't let him fly it because he was Stage 3 at the time. I forget his handle)? I remember he said that they didn't tell their kids that he was going in for surgery, and when things got complicated and he had to stay in the hospital for longer than planned, his daughter thought he'd died and that they were not telling her. So yes, Cherie, that's an excellent point. Kids do have vivid imaginations.

Hi BB I think you were referring to Tim- joeyooser.

Christine