Survivor Depression...?

[chronain]

First of all I am new and this is my first post, so hello, and thanks for being here. In April of 2013 I was diagnosed with stage IIIC colorectal cancer, I under went a month of radiation and concurrent 24/7 chemotherapy followed by 8 bi-monthly chemotherapy sessions. In January of this year I had the very large mass removed along with my rectum and a good portion of my sigmoid colon. The surgery went well, for the most part, and I am now cancer free. I was left with several urological problems, which are slowly getting better and a permanent colostomy. A small price to pay for surviving what my doctors thought I would not survive. However, as of late I have been feeling rather blue, I don't think I would characterize it as clinical depression, but I am certainly not as happy as I thought I would be if I came through the surgery free of cancer. I kind of thought I would have this "new lease on life" and all that other stuff you hear about. Has anyone else experienced this? Or, am I just being whiney?

[justin case]

It's not survivor depression, it's living with cancer. All of us have gone or are going through the same thing, and that's why we are here. I'm sure the surgeon told you everything is fine, he did a wonderful job. If the cancer could just be cut out, like an abscess, we wouldn't have to have fundraisers to find the cure. You have only taken the few first steps. Hopefully your story stops here, but you would not have posted, if you were that confident. Please relax, take a few breaths, and know we will be here, when you need an ear.
Regards,
Michael

[JustinCase]

He is right. Or at least in my case he is. I am thrilled to be alive after what is usually considered a death sentence. I was never depressed during the long struggle but after I made it through I had to figure out how to live with the new me. The comprimised me. At that point I became depressed. I sought out help and I received it. I'm over it now and working hard to overcome my new limitations. Surrounding yourself with supportive and active people can be helpful.

[Ravin17]

Hi,

it is quite natural for you to feel so. However, Don't take it into heart. Instead, engage yourself in activities that will distract you from the thought of cancer and its side effects . Also, don't discuss about cancer instead think about all the goodness happened in your life and also that will happen in future. This way you can divert your mind to other useful things. Again, it will be better if you don't stay alone as much as possible and be among people. That will strengthen you mental condition and slowly , but steadily you forget about the disease. Further, pl don;t forget to visit your oncologist periodically to ensure that everything is fine.

[Jachut]

I feel exactly the same way four years out! I too thought I would be grateful for every day of life and live it to the full but instead I feel like the life I had and was totally happy with is gone - I am not the same person and I just cant get "me" back. I struggle to find a lot of enjoyment in life now, i dont totally hate it but its not what I hoped to be experiencing once I was better. My libido has gone, i avoid socialising, make excuses to remain isolated at work, cant find interest in the plans we had as a family and all in all tend to ve very pessimistic. Id say I have had a fair few health problems related to treatment but I am beginning to suspect I gave a touch of hypochondria going on too - I always thought that was something you did on purpose for attention, but now I realise its a genuine anxiety. Life since cancer has been pretty tough so I compketely sympathise. But it serms very self indulgent to still be moping when ithers arent lucky enough to even be here.

[singingholly]

I think that living with cancer: the fear o the consequences of therapies, or just the shock of discovering our "sudden" mortality... forces us to think and build a new self. Depression may be a call to this...
I found very useful dr. Simonton's books as a starting point to work on my soul.
Olivia

[disco nap]

I wouldn't say you have survivor depression. You've just been through a LOT, and it's all still very recent, and you need time to get past it.

Take it easy on yourself, and know that every day is another day you are further away from the whole ordeal. Take whatever time you need to grieve, heal, and adjust. The new lease on life part will come later.

[Ontario Guy]

Am I just being whiney?

No, you aren't. Cancer is draining; so is the treatment. It is coming around for three years since I was diagnosed, and I am only now starting to feel "normal". Post-chemo fatigue hit me hard and kept knocking me back down when I tried to get up.

Nasty stuff, cancer.

Best,

OG

[FatBob2012]

I am personally familiar with this feeling. For me, I see it as waiting for the next shoe to drop, or, when will it recur and can this little pain in my abdomen be the beginning of the next battle (In my case it would be the fourth). I also communicate regularly with at least one other who has been cancer free for 25 years but reports the same feelings today even after that long. Some suggest that the diagnosis of cancer in itself is traumatic with long lasting emotional consequences.

That being offered, it sounds like you are not alone, or odd. Just part of this cancer battle each of us fights.

Let us know how you are doing and share your experiences with others.

[bitchslapped]

Now wait a minute...we have two justin cases here? In other post I thought our justin case had eliminated the space in his signature. Now I see this post, we have a new one...or our justin case now has a split personality, JustinCase. This could get interesting.

[JustinCase]

Now wait a minute...we have two justin cases here? In other post I thought our justin case had eliminated the space in his signature. Now I see this post, we have a new one...or our justin case now has a split personality, JustinCase. This could get interesting.

Yeah. I didn't see his username before I created mine. If it's any consolation it's my real first and middle name.

[lhawk0730]

Isn't cancer what happens to other people or other people's relatives/loved ones...until it happens to YOU? Now that you are NED, maybe you're waiting for a similar (or the same) shoe to drop again? I don't hear you as whining, but as someone who has looked mortality in the eye. I wish you all the best in breaking out of your blue. I hope others' advice, more time, or whatever you need helps you move past these down feelings and onto more enjoyment for the life you are here to experience.

[bitchslapped]

bitchslapped wrote:
Now wait a minute...we have two justin cases here? In other post I thought our justin case had eliminated the space in his signature. Now I see this post, we have a new one...or our justin case now has a split personality, JustinCase. This could get interesting.

Yeah. I didn't see his username before I created mine. If it's any consolation it's my real first and middle name.

Well, if either of you receive any obscene, rude or just plain nasty pm's, the sender can always say it was meant for the other one Of course I would never even think of doing something like that.

BS

[sadysue]

I feel the same way you do. I definitely have my ups and downs. Before I found zoloft, way too many of my days were downs. Living with a cancer diagnosis can be very difficult. Although we go through our daily lives like most everyone else does, we also know that the big "C" could be lurking in the background. A pretty scary thought. I am cancer free for three years and it's taken that long for things to start to fall back into place for me. Cancer is a bitch.

[chronain]

Thanks for all the responses...since I first posted I had a check-up with my surgeon, who is a fellow colon cancer survivor, I told him how I was feeling, and he reccomended I see a therapist to rule out PTSD, but he said the same that you all have been saying, give it more time, you've been through a lot, etc. It is good to know I am not alone...I wish there were some support groups around here...perhaps I should start one.