Anyone consider counseling going through this?

[Raleigh]

Hi, strange subject....

Just lately I've been kind of an emotional wreck... I don't even know why exactly cause I just finished up my 28 rounds of radiation and chemo... I should be glad that part is over... Lately I've been just angry over everything.... I've got my resection surgery up next in a few weeks... I'm fairly freaked out about it... I've never had surgery for anything before. I've been angry and snapping at friends and family from time to time who probably don't deserve it.

Girlfriend recently suggested I should possibly go to someone to talk with about everything I'm going through. Anyone here ever gone through a similar experience? I'm sure anyone who goes through cancer has hi and low emotional periods during their treatments... What do you do about it? Is it a good decision to seek out counseling to help myself work through this stuff? I personally have never been to any kind of counseling and even maybe have a little bit of a negative viewpoint towards it.

I didn't mention the fact that the person who told me to do this was my girlfriend and we were in a huge argument at the time... I'm not sure if she said it to hurt me, or if she was serious. However I have been going through a lot lately, and my emotions have been like a roller coaster so, not quite sure what to do.

Any thought or experiences with this sort of thing??

[BrownBagger]

It's not a strange subject at all. If anyone can benefit from counseling, it's someone facing a cancer DX.

Ask your oncologist for a referral. Most cancer centers have a counselor or counselors on staff to serve your needs.

Don't be afraid to ask!

[pukalania]

Hi Raleigh,
I've been thinking about this too for awhile and haven't made a step forward..but i've been trying to find some support to help with cooping for kids whose parents have cancer...and since our daughter is only 4..it' s been hard to find the right channel...but i think it's good to get all the help you need...not sure how this all works insurance wise...it certainly won't hurt to talk to someone...i'm sure others with more experience will pitch in

[shockandawe]

Well, my DH is the one going through this but my first appt was just after he got the life-changing news. I have found it helpful. I feel so many emotions, while my DH is definitely a more level-headed and positive person. i think it has helped me deal with anger, sadness, confusion, and all those conflicting feelings. You might not get someone who click with right away and it might help to meet a few before sticking with one, but you might be lucky and get someone you feel comfortable with quickly (I did). The lady I see really helps me see what it is I'm dealing with, dig past the superficial.

You've had a life changing event. Heck, it should affect you! How could it not?! There is nothing wrong with talking to someone about it, especially someone you don't have history with. They are not there to judge you or tell you HOW to feel, only to help you come to terms with your feelings and learn how to not let it affect you too negatively. Sometimes it's helpful to feel almost validated I guess, that it's okay to feel whatever you're feeling.
Like I said, i'm not the one going through the journey, but I'm with someone who is, so I definitely think that if you get comfortable with the idea of seeing someone impartial and you are willing to be honest with someone (but really it's with yourself) then it might be worth a go. If you feel like it's not for you, then no harm done!

[bitchslapped]

There is also a "Sticky" thread @ the top of the forum board that lists support groups in various communities.

[janderson]

I understand how you feel about surgery. I had never had any kind of surgery or even had to spend the night in the hospital before I had cancer. I have had several more surgeries since then and I still get real nervous. There is probably some truth to what your girlfriend said. I am not saying you should seek counseling unless you think that is right for you but it is just as hard if not harder on the spouse/caregiver. I have been dealing with this crap for nine years and I can constantly see the emotional toll it takes out of my wife. Most of the fights that we have had are cancer related or provoked by our emotions caused by cancer.

[ann13]

I lost my mom about 11months ago and just started going to counseling last month. I found someone through palliative care/hospice in our area. I've only gone twice and I've felt better each time. There's no "cure" for what is happening, because he can't take away the pain or bring her back but he's someone that I can tell everything to and he doesn't judge me. I've suffered with a lot of guilt through this and he has helped me to deal with that. I can tell him all of the dark horrible things that I feel and ask myself and he listens and validates it.

[ziggymonster]

You have had a major life changing event....it is normal to have strong feelings of fear, anger and act in ways you hadn't before.....talking to someone is an excellent idea it can help you cope with these feelings. I've been dealing with advanced prostate cancer for over 10 years, then the advanced rectal cancer. I would have gone nuts if I didn't talk to someone. My GF is very understanding but is emotionally involved and that isn't the best idea. Talking to a therapist has been a major help for me. There is no stigma. who knows what your GF's motives were, it will benefit you both to seek outside help.

[Raleigh]

Well I just got back home from my Oncologist appointment. I made this thread just before going in to see him for suggestions.

I asked him about counseling, he told me that yes, I could go to counseling... But strangely, he felt that the types of counseling available in my area are not very good. Also, that counseling or other similar care would definitely not be covered by my insurance. I have very little money at the moment.....

Instead, he convinced me to try (Lexapro) which is a mild antidepressant, anti-anxiety med. To be honest, this isn't what I wanted to hear.... I'm very hesitant about going on antidepressants SSRI type drugs. In fact its about the last thing I want to go on. However he said its very mild, and might help. Soooo.... I drudgingly went to the store to get even more pharmaceuticals, to put into my body... ugh!

Anyone have any experience with Lexapro? 10 Mg. tabs?

[sjring]

Raleigh,

I tend to be the logical male, and in the past tended to not put a lot of stock in counseling, in part because I saw how other family member were able to wrap the therapist around their little finger to get what they wanted. But I did start seeing one a few years back before the cancer and found it beneficial to have a neutral third party to bounce thoughts off of. I had stopped seeing him and went back right after the cancer diagnosis. Between the death of my grandmother and the cancer Dx all within a month...and then the staging news getting worse and worse, I was in a pretty dark place.

The best suggestion he gave me was to keep a journal, and just have some sort of outlet to express how I was feeling. The hardest part for me was not having a plan of attack and when we came up with one, additional staging information came in and as they say, "No plan survives contact with the enemy." Getting my feelings out was very therapeutic. I only had a couple of sessions and I have his phone number if I ever need a tune-up so to speak. It's worth looking into (and check with your insurance before dismissing it entirely) but definitely find someone you connect with. Not buddy-buddy, but someone you feel comfortable opening up with.

I don't have experience with antidepressants so I can't help you there.

[NZJay]

When I finished chemo, I had an emotional meltdown and could barely function or sleep.

My doctors suggested antidepressants and sleeping pills. I dabbled in the sleeping pills when things got unbearable but avoided the antidepressants as I really want a life without pills.

I took the offer of free counselling through our local cancer society, and additional counselling via my workplace employee assistance program.

The cancer society counselling (with a "counsellor") made me feel good after each session, probably due to airing my thoughts and emotions to a neutral bystander. But it didn't really improve the REAL problems of insomnia, anxiety and depression.

However the EAP counselling (with a "psychologist") almost immediately gave me tools via practical suggestions and cognitive behavioural therapy, which fixed my insomnia and consequently the anxiety and depression.

Now I'm sleeping 7-8 hours per night without medication, functioning at work, not thinking about cancer much at all, and getting my life back on track. Without evil medications which only treat the symptoms and avoid addressing the problem.

So I highly suggest trying a service and if it does not work, trying a second or third one until they help.

Disclaimer: I am very opposed to medication, partially as I am a Side Effect King. But no offence intended to those of you who successfully use meds to control anxiety and depression.

[Jachut]

My surgeon pushed heavily but I refused. Truthfully, I felt so violated by treatment, it was so humiliating, there was no way I wanted to be opened up emotionally in front if another stranger. People had already seen every bit of me Ive never seen myself, Id suffereed so many indignities.

Ive always felt rather negatively towards counselling too - particularly since my sister xis a psychologist and is more dysfunctional and nuts than almost anyone I know. I love her dearly but seriously.....

I finally went in desperation after treatment and it was exactly what I expected. Me baring my soul and somebpdy telling me to try not to think that way. Honestly, I recognise the destructive thought processes, I recognise how illogical depression can be etc, to pay someone to tell me that and then give me pathetic suggestions such as saying "no" everytime my thoguhts wander in the wrong direction, I did my six sessions, it helped not one bit (and I wanted it to, I really embraced it at the time) but foe me, it was a waste of time. That said I am apretty insightful, reflective etc and I already naturally did all the things she was suggesting to me. I needed pharmacological help, in the form if HRT. No psychologist was ever going to fix my hormones, it was all menopause related. And still is, I have tried to come off hrt and am suicidal within two or three weeks. Otherwise, completely normal.

So counselling - not my cup of tea. But certainly worth a try.

[Itsdana]

Raleigh,
It can't hurt to try seeing a Counselor. I try to keep positive to my family and friends and sometimes just want to scream how I really feel when I hit a period where I'm scared or worried. I use a journal sometimes to rant and rave but even then I find myself being more polite than I feel! I am in the same place you are in the process. I have my surgery coming in less than 3 weeks and am worried about what to expect. I read a lot of the posts here which really help me understand the process and how things may go always understanding everyone is different. For me it helps to read the good and the not so good so I feel I know the range to expect. Hope for the best but prepare for the worst is what works best for me.

If you end up not liking the Counselor, don't go back. I would recommend finding one through one of the Organizations that someone listed though. Good luck with your surgery. I'll be watching for your updates!
Dana

[ann13]

Raleigh, can you contact the local palliative care? They have counselors that might be of no cost to you. I pay nothing for counseling.

[dianetavegia]

I talk with my pastor if things get to really bothering me but I do have horrible anxiety starting 6 or 7 weeks before my tests.

I take .5mg Klonopin the minute I wake and then usually one more later in the day tho during those 4 months right after the 'all clear', I don't need them at all much of the time.

My Gastro, onc and primary all have told me that when you've had major surgery, 2 major surgeries, PTSD is quite common. My liver surgeon had a booklet on depression after liver resection. His office forgot to give me a copy until I called and asked him 'should I be feeling like this?' Part of my horror story is that I was unable to tolerate any of the take home pain meds and had to heal from the open resection without pain relief.

My husband says I'm not the same person I was before my liver resection. I used to smile constantly. I was up and scrubbing the house while most people were just waking. Everything was kept perfect. Now none of that matters. The house is clean and stuff is put away but I find joy in ........ very few things. I'm still praying for ME to return.