Dreading today's onc visit.

[Diane61]

My gut is telling me this is the last visit we'll have with him. It's now time to turn his care over to hospice. He hasn't had any chemo in over 5 weeks, he's been to weak, losing weight rapidly, and dehydrated. He's now at 120 lbs and he's 6'1". He's been getting extra fluids, but that stopped last week due to swollen legs, and pitting edema. I felt that it was easier (for lack of better word) when we had something to fight, but now we're truly facing the loosing battle. I want a crystal ball to see how much time we have left. We still have some last minute decisions to make, like officially retiring, he's staying on long disability as long as he can for the insurance benfits. Today I'll probably talk to my daughter about the possibility of postponing her wedding reception, it's scheduled for the end of dec. My DH wants the kids to move on with their lives and not change anything. So I'd like go forward with the marriage but postpone the reception. I wont be able to handle his death and her celebration in the same month IF it comes down to that. I realize this is all speculations, I've always been the type who needs answers, a path to follow, needs to know what to expect before it happens.

[dianetavegia]

Diane, May I be terribly honest? Forgive me if I offend.

I don't think from what you've told us that your husband will be here in December. I think, if you can get the doctor alone and get his honest opinion, use the retirement as an excuse or wedding date, I think he's going to tell you weeks, not 2 1/2 months.

I'm so sorry for what you're facing and wish there was a magic wand we could wave so those who MUST leave, could do so on our timing and in the way we choose, but it just doesn't work that way.

I don't know what time you'll be seeing the doctor so I'm going to pray for you and hubby right now that you get the answers you need and can work these needs out very soon. Praying, too, that your husband is in NO PAIN and that God give you and your family great comfort during this time.

Diane

[sadysue]

Wishing you and your family strength in the days to come. Pray for a miracle but prepare for reality.

[pfCml73183]

Praying for your peace and comfort right now.
God bless you and your hubby, Celeste

[skypup]

I hope you have a good hospice -- they can be incredible and it is better to start with them before the final days.

I hope you have considered whether it is financially better for your husband to pass on as an employee or as a retiree. Where I used to work, employee was better due to life insurance, etc.

I wish you peace and your husband some ease in this hard time.

[orcasres]

First, I want to wish you and your family peace and comfort in the coming days.

Next, I want to second what Skypup said. As an IT exec, I managed a number of different employee organizations, (I also pinch hit as an HR exec for a while but hated it) and normally you would be in better shape if he passed away as an employee. It is important that you do everything for your comfort, but you and your family must continue on with your lives and you would probably be better supported if he remains an employee. I worked at one company where one of our vice presidents had a very aggressive form of leukemia (he got one of the first stem cell transplants done at Stanford) and no one had a problem with him remaining an employee until he passed away. If there is a pension involved, 401K, life insurance, etc. all will require decisions to be made if he retires. At least, you should try and look into this before he decides to retire.

Starting hospice as soon as it is feasible will take some burden off you and make him more comfortable. My thoughts and prayers are with you. Lois

[Danieljt]

My prayers are with you and your husband. May the next part of your journey be peaceful.
Hugs, Jackie

[dianetavegia]

Diane, do you have an update for us? I've been praying and thinking about you and your family today.

Diane Tavegia

[Don.in.Dallas]

At the risk of being politically incorrect, perhaps your daughter could have a very private and simple wedding ceremony SOON so your DH can be present. Afterwards, a private reception for just the four of you (or small group). Your daughter can still have the full program in late December. Is that workable?

[Diane61]

Thanks everyone for all the all wishes. Doctors appt went as expected yesterday he wouldn't pin point a time frame but he did say that he "thinks talking multiple months is to long to consider" and we signed on with hospice. Everything has been moving so fast. Rn, aid, and clergy came today, they delivered medical equipment, and social worker will come tomorrow.

We have looked into all scenarios regarding retiring or staying employed. If he retires I'll get a better pension but we'll lose benefits, health and life ins., but we can pick up cobra and we can also pay the premiums to continue the life policy. That's one reason why he's trying to wait until last days to officially retire.

Our daughter is open to changing wedding plans. It's somewhat awkward to push it up as they have no place to live yet etc, but we've been talking and working through some possibilities.

[canadiandaughter]

So sorry Diane. Sounds like they had lots of supports available for you, that is a good thing. I can't imagine how overwhelming it must be right now with all the decisions that you are facing. I will keep you all in my thoughts and prayers. Take care of yourself!

[orcasres]

Diane, we' re thinking fondly of you and your family right now. Please take care of yourself. Lois