We need some laughs here!

[sjring]

Did you hear about the new Extreme Fundamentalist Group planinning to use mathamatics to take over the world? They call themselves al-Gebra

[Carolinabluetec]

Lady calls Psychiatrist's office, "Doctor, I have a problem, my husband thinks he is a dog, he barks at the neighbors and eats his food from a dish on the floor, and hates cats"
Psychiatrist " My schedule is pretty full for the next week, I will prescribe some Xanax for him, call me the end of next week and we will get him in"
Two weeks go by, no call
Psychiatrist "Mrs Throckmorton, this is Dr. Jungfreud, I had hoped you would call me so that we could get your husband in this week"
Lady "My husband doesn't think he is a dog any more"
Psychiatrist "That's wonderful to hear, could you tell me a little more about it"
Lady " Well, it 3 days ago, and he was out in the street licking his testicles and a truck ran over him"

[singingholly]

Man comes home, finds his wife with his friend in bed. He shoots his friend and kills him. Wife says "If you behave like this, you will lose ALL your friends."
I can't belive I wrote it down...
Olivia

[skypup]

I posted this before, but am relying on chemo brains all around to have forgotten my favorite joke:

Do you know why they nail the lids on coffins?
So the oncologist can't stick his head in and say, "Wait, I've got one more thing we can try!"

[bitchslapped]

So many good ones on here. This thread should be titled "Comic Relief".

[peanut_8]

Why don’t you ever see hippopotamus hiding in trees?


Because they’re really good at it.

[sjring]

Notice to Employees:

The following policy changes, related to time off from work, have been placed into effect immediately.

SICKNESS

We will no longer accept your doctor's statemets as proof. We believe if you are well enough to go to the doctor, you are well enough to come to work.

Leave of Absence for Surgery

We are no longer allowing this practice. As long as you are employed here, you will need all of whatever you have and should not consider having anything removed. We hired you as you are, and to have anything removed would certainly make you less than we bargained for. Anyone having operations will be fired immediately.

Pregnancy

In the event of extreme pregnancy, you will be allowed to go to the first aid room when the pains are FIVE MINUTES apart. If it is false labor, you will have to take an hour's leave without pay.

Death

This will be accepted as an excuse, HOWEVER you are required to provide two week's notice, as we feel it is you duty to teach someone your job prior to...or after death. In addition we require anyone who elects to die while at work to fall down. Those who die while seated at their desk or propped up against a wall are very difficult to distinguish from living workers conducting work at a normal pace.

[WifeOfMike]

“God gave men both a penis and a brain, but unfortunately not enough blood supply to run both at the same time.”
hehehehehehehehe

“Never pick a fight with an ugly person, they've got nothing to lose.”

“Politics: Poli, a Latin word meaning many; and tics meaning, bloodsucking creatures.”

“In England, if you commit a crime, the police don’t have a gun and you don’t have a gun. If you commit a crime, the police will say ''Stop, or I’ll say stop again...”

“Do you think God gets stoned? I think so… look at the platypus.”

Vicki

[KWT]

Bitchslapped is the best screen name! Why didn't I think of that?

This is definitely a slap in the face.

[WifeOfMike]

ahhhhhhhhhh......... you walked into that wall buddy boy.....

kennyt-wisted » Bitchslapped is the best screen name! Why didn't I think of that?
This is definitely a slap in the face.

“God gave men both a penis and a brain, but unfortunately not enough blood supply to run both at the same time.”
hehehehehehehehe
hohohohohohohohohohohohoho


just kidding.... I love you buddy.... I just couldn't help myself
BUGGERS.....I just realized to get to the clinic tomorrow morning at 7:30 AM..... we have to get up at 4:45 AM....... FUBAR!!!!!!!

WELL, at least I am going to bed snickering about this post
We get to blame our lovely Delinda for this adult time out from reality..... thanks kiddo!!!!
xoxoxoxoxo
Vicki

[bitchslapped]

Tell ya what...You can call me bitch, I'll slap you in the face, then we'll both feel better!

Bitchslapped is the best screen name! Why didn't I think of that?

This is definitely a slap in the face.

bs

[bitchslapped]

James Bond and a chicken meet, the chicken asks: "Whats your name?" Bond reply's "Bond, James Bond" bond asks the chicken the same, he reply's, "Ken, Chick Ken"

[Phuong]

Tell ya what...You can call me bitch, I'll slap you in the face, then we'll both feel better!

Bitchslapped is the best screen name! Why didn't I think of that?
This is definitely a slap in the face.

bs

I just love that your initials are BS!

[CRguy]

HERE is irrefutable proof that WE, on the Journey, have been seeking levity since ......
bloody well ALWAYS !!!!!

compliments to our own dear cptmac, just one of many topics she and we have started over the years...
and just FYI .. cappy and I always had a great chuckle over anything by Steven Wright !!!!

AND....... veteran alert .... some really special folks laughing while they were with us,
and I just know they are hoping we are still able to laugh here, even without them still in our lives.

BUTT we are with them always in spirit.

Cheers and Harmony
CRguy

[bitchslapped]

I just love that your initials are BS!

There are @ least four different variations to address me; maybe more, or not at all. I'm telling ya, I'm here for you guys (albeit a small way). Get it out, I am!
Just swallowed it all for too long.


Again, more...

BS