We need some laughs here!

Please feel free to read, share your thoughts, your stories and connect with others!
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Maggie Nell
Posts: 1151
Joined: Wed May 27, 2015 1:57 am
Location: Central Highlands, Victoria, Oz

Re: We need some laughs here!

Postby Maggie Nell » Mon Jul 25, 2016 2:59 pm

Image
DX April 2015, @ 54
35mm poorly diff. tumour, incidental finding following emergency R. hemicolectomy
for ileo-colic intussusception.
Lymph nodes: 0/22
T3 N0 MX
Stage II CRC, no adjuvant chemo required.

User avatar
Maggie Nell
Posts: 1151
Joined: Wed May 27, 2015 1:57 am
Location: Central Highlands, Victoria, Oz

Re: We need some laughs here!

Postby Maggie Nell » Mon Aug 15, 2016 11:54 am

Image
An Oddly Worded Instruction




Fuhu Si (Crouching Tiger Monastery) was originally built during the Tang Dynasty (618 - 907), but the present temple buildings date back to 1651.
It is the largest temple on the mountain.

At 3,099 metres (10,167 ft), Mt. Emei is the highest of the Four Sacred Buddhist Mountains of China.
The patron bodhisattva of Emei is Samantabhadra, known in Chinese as Puxian. 16th and 17th century sources
allude to the practice of martial arts in the monasteries of Mount Emei.
DX April 2015, @ 54
35mm poorly diff. tumour, incidental finding following emergency R. hemicolectomy
for ileo-colic intussusception.
Lymph nodes: 0/22
T3 N0 MX
Stage II CRC, no adjuvant chemo required.

Mairsey22
Posts: 1
Joined: Wed Aug 03, 2016 11:48 am

Re: We need some laughs here!

Postby Mairsey22 » Tue Aug 16, 2016 4:27 pm

:D :D :D

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Maggie Nell
Posts: 1151
Joined: Wed May 27, 2015 1:57 am
Location: Central Highlands, Victoria, Oz

Re: We need some laughs here!

Postby Maggie Nell » Mon Aug 22, 2016 11:28 am

“Bozone”
The substance surrounding stupid
people that stops bright ideas from
penetrating.

(Source: Washington Post, neologism contest)
DX April 2015, @ 54
35mm poorly diff. tumour, incidental finding following emergency R. hemicolectomy
for ileo-colic intussusception.
Lymph nodes: 0/22
T3 N0 MX
Stage II CRC, no adjuvant chemo required.

User avatar
Maggie Nell
Posts: 1151
Joined: Wed May 27, 2015 1:57 am
Location: Central Highlands, Victoria, Oz

Re: We need some laughs here!

Postby Maggie Nell » Mon Aug 22, 2016 6:55 pm

Image


From Passport New Zealand: A Guide to the Kiwi Identity, Jamie Murphy
DX April 2015, @ 54
35mm poorly diff. tumour, incidental finding following emergency R. hemicolectomy
for ileo-colic intussusception.
Lymph nodes: 0/22
T3 N0 MX
Stage II CRC, no adjuvant chemo required.

justin case
Posts: 4269
Joined: Sun Sep 04, 2011 8:26 am
Location: Katy, Texas

Re: We need some laughs here!

Postby justin case » Wed Aug 24, 2016 7:35 pm

Maggie Nell wrote:Image

Is that what that was , damn, been following Me around for years ! :shock:
7/11 diagnosed Stage 2 colon and rectal cancer
chemo/rad
lar/temp ilio
Reversal & port removal
21 round of chemo Folfox 9tx, 5fu 12 tx
Last treatment July 2012

User avatar
Maggie Nell
Posts: 1151
Joined: Wed May 27, 2015 1:57 am
Location: Central Highlands, Victoria, Oz

Re: We need some laughs here!

Postby Maggie Nell » Fri Aug 26, 2016 8:29 am

Image

What if god was one of us.
DX April 2015, @ 54
35mm poorly diff. tumour, incidental finding following emergency R. hemicolectomy
for ileo-colic intussusception.
Lymph nodes: 0/22
T3 N0 MX
Stage II CRC, no adjuvant chemo required.

User avatar
Maggie Nell
Posts: 1151
Joined: Wed May 27, 2015 1:57 am
Location: Central Highlands, Victoria, Oz

Re: We need some laughs here!

Postby Maggie Nell » Thu Oct 06, 2016 6:10 pm

Image
DX April 2015, @ 54
35mm poorly diff. tumour, incidental finding following emergency R. hemicolectomy
for ileo-colic intussusception.
Lymph nodes: 0/22
T3 N0 MX
Stage II CRC, no adjuvant chemo required.

User avatar
Maggie Nell
Posts: 1151
Joined: Wed May 27, 2015 1:57 am
Location: Central Highlands, Victoria, Oz

Re: We need some laughs here!

Postby Maggie Nell » Thu Dec 15, 2016 2:33 am

The Dysfunctional Section of a Hallmark Store...


1. I always wanted to have someone to hold, someone to love. And now that
you've come into my life...
(Inside card) - I've changed my mind.

2. I must admit, you brought religion into my life...
(Inside card) - I never believed in Hell until I met you

3. As the days go by, I think how lucky I am....
(Inside card) - That you're not here to ruin it for me.

4. Congratulations on your promotion. Before you go....
(Inside card) - Will you take the knife from my back? You'll probably need
it again.

5. Someday I hope to marry...
(Inside card) - Someone other than you.

6. Happy Birthday! You look great for your age....
(Inside card) - Almost lifelike!

7. When we were together, you said you'd die for me...
(Inside card) - Now we've broken up, I think it's time to keep your promise.

8. We've been friends for a very long time...
(Inside card) - What do you say we stop?

9. I'm so miserable without you...
(Inside card) - It's almost like you're still here.

10. Congratulations on your new bundle of joy....
(Inside card) - Did you ever find out who the father was?

11. You are such a good friend. If we were on a sinking ship and there was
only one life jacket...
(Inside card) - I'd miss you terribly and think of you often.

12. Your friends and I wanted to do something special for your birthday..
(Inside card) - So we're having you put to sleep.

13. Happy Birthday, Uncle Dad!
(Available only in Alabama, Mississippi, and Arkansas)

14. Looking back over the years we've been together, I can't help but
wonder...
(Inside card) - What was I thinking?

15. Congratulations on your wedding day!...
(Inside card) - Too bad no one likes your husband.
DX April 2015, @ 54
35mm poorly diff. tumour, incidental finding following emergency R. hemicolectomy
for ileo-colic intussusception.
Lymph nodes: 0/22
T3 N0 MX
Stage II CRC, no adjuvant chemo required.

User avatar
Maggie Nell
Posts: 1151
Joined: Wed May 27, 2015 1:57 am
Location: Central Highlands, Victoria, Oz

Re: We need some laughs here!

Postby Maggie Nell » Thu Dec 15, 2016 2:36 am

Dear Friends,

I have been watching you very closely to see if you have been good this
year and since you have I will be telling my elves to make some goodies
for me to leave under your tree at Christmas. I was going to bring you
all gifts from the 12 days of Christmas, but we had a little problem.

The 12 fiddlers fiddling have all come down with VD from fiddling with
the 10 ladies dancing, the 11 lords leaping have knocked up the 8 maids
a-milking, and the 9 piperspiping have been arrested for doing weird
things to the 7 swans a-swimming.

The 6 geese a-laying, 4 calling birds, 3 French hens, 2 turtle doves
and the partridge in a pear tree have me up to my sled runners in bird
shit.

On top of all this Mrs. Claus is going through menopause, 8 of my
reindeer are in heat, the elves have joined the gay liberation and some
people who can't read a calendar have scheduled Christmas for the 5th of
January. Maybe next year I will be able to get my shit together and
bring you the things you want.

This year I suggest you get your asses down to Walmart before everything
is gone.

Love, Santa.
DX April 2015, @ 54
35mm poorly diff. tumour, incidental finding following emergency R. hemicolectomy
for ileo-colic intussusception.
Lymph nodes: 0/22
T3 N0 MX
Stage II CRC, no adjuvant chemo required.

User avatar
Maggie Nell
Posts: 1151
Joined: Wed May 27, 2015 1:57 am
Location: Central Highlands, Victoria, Oz

Re: We need some laughs here!

Postby Maggie Nell » Thu Dec 15, 2016 2:38 am

One December day we found an old straggly cat at our front door. She was
a sorry sight, starving, dirty, smelled terrible,skinny and hair all matted
down.

We felt sorry for her, so put her in a carrier and took her to the vet.
We didn't know what to call her, so we named her "Pussycat." The vet
decided to keep her for a day or so. He said he would let us know when we
could come and get her.

My husband (the complainer) said, "OK, but don't forget to wash her, she
stinks." He reminded the vet that it was his WIFE (me) that wanted the
dirty cat, not him.


My husband and my Vet don't see eye to eye. The vet calls my husband
'El-Cheap-O' and my husband calls the vet 'El-Charge-O'. They love to
hate each other and constantly 'snipe' at one
another, with my husband getting in the last word on this particular
occasion.

The next day my husband had an appointment with his doctor, who is located
in the same building, next door to the vet. The doctors' waiting room and
office was full of people waiting to see the doctor.

A side door opened and the vet leaned in - he had obviously seen my husband
arrive. He looked straight at my husband and in a loud voice said, "Your
wife's pussy doesn't stink any more and it's finally clean and shaved, so
she now smells like a rose. Oh, and, by the way, I think she's pregnant.
God only knows who the father is!" Then he closed the door.

Now THAT, my friends, is getting even!
DX April 2015, @ 54
35mm poorly diff. tumour, incidental finding following emergency R. hemicolectomy
for ileo-colic intussusception.
Lymph nodes: 0/22
T3 N0 MX
Stage II CRC, no adjuvant chemo required.

User avatar
Maggie Nell
Posts: 1151
Joined: Wed May 27, 2015 1:57 am
Location: Central Highlands, Victoria, Oz

Re: We need some laughs here!

Postby Maggie Nell » Thu Dec 15, 2016 2:43 am

2017 Australian Citizenship test


1. Do you understand the meaning, but are unable to explain the origin of, the term "died in the arse"?

2. What is a bloody little beauty?

3. Are these terms related: chuck a sickie; chuck a spaz; chuck a U-ey?

4. Explain the following passage: "In the arvo last Chrissy the relos rocked up for a barbie, some bevvies and a few snags. After a bit of a Bexand a lie down we opened the pressies, scoffed all the chockies, bickies and lollies. Then we drained a few tinnies and Mum did her block after Dad and Steve had a barney and a bit of biffo."

5. Macca, Chooka and Wanger are driving to Surfers in their Torana. If they are travelling at 100 km/h while listening to Barnsey, Farnsey and Acca Dacca, how many slabs will each person on average consume between flashing a brown eye and having a slash?

6. Complete the following sentences:
a) "If the van's rockin' don't bother _____?
b) You're going home in the back of a ___?
c) Fair crack of the ___ ?

7. I've had a gutful and I can't be fagged. Discuss

8. Have you ever been on the giving or receiving end of a wedgie?

9. Do you have a friend or relative who has a car in their front yard "up on blocks"? Is his name Bruce and does he have a wife called Cheryl?

10. Does your family regularly eat a dish involving mincemeat, cabbage, curry powder and a packet of chicken noodle soup called either chow mein, chop suey or kai see ming?

11. What are the ingredients in a rissole?

12. Demonstrate the correct procedure for eating a Tim Tam.

13. Do you have an Aunty Irene who smokes 30 cigarettes a day and sounds like a bloke?

14. In any two-hour period have you ever eaten three-bean salad, a chop and two serves of pav washed down with someone else's beer that has been flogged from a bath full of ice?

15. When you go to a bring- your-own-meat barbie can you eat other people's meat or are you only allowed to eat your own?

16. What purple root vegetable beginning with the letter "b" is required by law to be included in a hamburger with the lot?

17. Do you own or have you ever owned a lawn mower, a pair of thongs, an Esky or Ugg boots?

18. Is it possible to "prang a car" while doing "circle work"?

19. Who would you like to crack on to?

20. Who is the most Australian: Kevin "Bloody" Wilson, John "True Blue" Williamson, Kylie Minogue or Warnie?

21. Is there someone you are only mates with because they own a trailer or have a pool?

22. What does sinkin piss at a mates joint and getten para mean?
DX April 2015, @ 54
35mm poorly diff. tumour, incidental finding following emergency R. hemicolectomy
for ileo-colic intussusception.
Lymph nodes: 0/22
T3 N0 MX
Stage II CRC, no adjuvant chemo required.

User avatar
Maggie Nell
Posts: 1151
Joined: Wed May 27, 2015 1:57 am
Location: Central Highlands, Victoria, Oz

Re: We need some laughs here!

Postby Maggie Nell » Thu Dec 15, 2016 2:58 am

None of that Sissy Crap

Are you getting tired of those sissy "friendship" poems that always sound good,
But never actually come close to reality?

Well, here is a series of promises that actually speak of true friendship.
You will see no cutesy little smiley faces on this card-

Just the stone cold truth of our friendship.


1. When you are sad --
I will help you get drunk and plot revenge against t he sorry bastard who made you sad.

2. When you are blue --
I will try to dislodge whatever is choking you.

3. When you smile --
I will know you are plotting something that I must be involved in.

4. When you are scared --
I will rag on you about it every chance I get.

5. When you are worried --
I will tell you horrible stories about how much worse it could be until you quit whining.

6. When you are confused --
I will use little words.

7. When you are sick --
Stay the hell away from me until you are well again.
I don't want whatever you have.

8. When you fall ----
I will point and laugh at your clumsy ass.

9. This is my oath....
I pledge it to the end. "Why?" you may ask;

" because you are my friend ".

Friendship is like peeing your pants,
everyone can see it,
But only you can feel the true warmth.


Send this to 10 of your friends;
Then get depressed because you can only think of 4.
DX April 2015, @ 54
35mm poorly diff. tumour, incidental finding following emergency R. hemicolectomy
for ileo-colic intussusception.
Lymph nodes: 0/22
T3 N0 MX
Stage II CRC, no adjuvant chemo required.

Nik Colon

Re: We need some laughs here!

Postby Nik Colon » Thu Dec 15, 2016 10:09 am

Maggie Nell wrote:The Dysfunctional Section of a Hallmark Store...


1. I always wanted to have someone to hold, someone to love. And now that
you've come into my life...
(Inside card) - I've changed my mind.

2. I must admit, you brought religion into my life...
(Inside card) - I never believed in Hell until I met you

3. As the days go by, I think how lucky I am....
(Inside card) - That you're not here to ruin it for me.

4. Congratulations on your promotion. Before you go....
(Inside card) - Will you take the knife from my back? You'll probably need
it again.

5. Someday I hope to marry...
(Inside card) - Someone other than you.

6. Happy Birthday! You look great for your age....
(Inside card) - Almost lifelike!

7. When we were together, you said you'd die for me...
(Inside card) - Now we've broken up, I think it's time to keep your promise.

8. We've been friends for a very long time...
(Inside card) - What do you say we stop?

9. I'm so miserable without you...
(Inside card) - It's almost like you're still here.

10. Congratulations on your new bundle of joy....
(Inside card) - Did you ever find out who the father was?

11. You are such a good friend. If we were on a sinking ship and there was
only one life jacket...
(Inside card) - I'd miss you terribly and think of you often.

12. Your friends and I wanted to do something special for your birthday..
(Inside card) - So we're having you put to sleep.

13. Happy Birthday, Uncle Dad!
(Available only in Alabama, Mississippi, and Arkansas)

14. Looking back over the years we've been together, I can't help but
wonder...
(Inside card) - What was I thinking?

15. Congratulations on your wedding day!...
(Inside card) - Too bad no one likes your husband.

LOL! Actually, I can see me or others I know buying these (we have twisted humor).
The uncle/dad. Funny thing, reminds me of my bil's family. His mom left his dad for his uncle (who was married to his dad's sister, or whatever, too confusing.) He died a couple yrs ago sadly. Anyway, so then it was his uncle/step-dad (he always remained uncle to him), so he was also then my bil's and my sisters kids uncle/grandpa (they also called him uncle, and my bil's actual dad grandpa). It was messed up, alot of hurt feelings, anger, some not ever talking again, etc.

peanut_8
Posts: 2340
Joined: Sun May 25, 2014 1:31 pm

Re: We need some laughs here!

Postby peanut_8 » Fri Dec 16, 2016 11:42 am

For some reason, this pic of the President of Finland, his wife, and their dog, cracks me up.

Image

:mrgreen: :mrgreen: :mrgreen:
peanut
female, diagnosed Jan 14, RC stage 2a, age 56
MSS
April 14, 28 chemo/rad with Xeloda
June 14 adjuvant Xeloda 6 rounds
currently NED


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