New Blog (Mine!) - It's About Forgiveness

[NWgirl]

http://www.colonclub.com/?p=3474&preview=true

My latest blog. Sometimes blogs come quickly to me and other times I write them and rewrite them and rewrite them and rewrite them. This was one that was tweaked a million times to try to get it to say what I wanted. I hope it finally worked. I don't suppose I view "forgiveness" in a stereotypical way. Or maybe I do and I just don't realize it. I'll let you be the judge. I do know that as cancer patients, forgiveness (or not forgiving) is something we are forced to deal with in a more urgent manner than those not facing a life threatening disease. And with that, I'll leave it up to you what to think - of the blog - and of how you handle the whole issue of forgiveness. I'd be curious to see how others feel.

[Elizmed]

Loved your blog!
Wasn't sure myself if I should reach out regarding the whole forgiveness thing.
It's true, we don't have to do it. Just do what feels right, the rest...live alone.

[Guinevere]

Another great post, Belle. I do believe this one might stay with some a little longer than most posts do. It's the eternal and internal struggle we all go through no matter what kind of health issues might or might not be going on in our lives. I won't presume to advise you.

You're right - cancer does not give us the right to create havoc because we believe we have X amount of time left and we want to get it off our chest. My response to that is - fine! Write it down on a piece of paper, tear that paper into tiny pieces and then burn the pieces.

One thing that sticks in my mind is if you had decided to just wade into the situation and let that person know you forgive them and hope they can forgive you. Something similar happened to me once and I wasn't ready emotionally or physically up to dealing with the stress that discussing said problem would bring. In the end, I realized I had already forgiven them but the stress of dealing with it kicked the CFIDS into high gear and that was four months or so that I was sick.

Thanks for giving us something positive to think about!

God bless ~
Guinevere

[NWgirl]

Thanks Elizmed and Gwen. No easy "one size fits all" answers. Or at least that's the way it feels to me. Maybe I just tend to over complicate matters. I don't know.

[CRguy]

As always Belle a very astute look inside the "person inside the disease" as I like to say.

Caring for and looking out for others is talked about a lot on here. While we pay lip service to being kind to ourselves … as you noted, that doesn't always come so easily. Best advice I ever got was from a psychologist who said " You only ever have ONE nervous system to look after in life … your own." Being a poster child for any given human triumph may not be in the cards for most of us folks, and those who expect us to be their poster child just don't get it.

Being kind to yourself is tough, and however we may find the path that leads to forgiveness is the best path we have, here, today with what we are dealing with … whether from cancer or not, and we have to own it as OUR own path.
I spoke with you in PM, in another context, about my granddaughter singing "Let It Go" a while ago, and seeing that little blonde munchkin selling the performance of a lifetime ….. I chose to "let it go" as well.

The only person you can truly answer to is the one you face each morning in the mirror.
" Is this the best day I can have for me ? "
If No, then accept it or do something about it.
if Yes, then live it like you own it, because either way it is still the only today you will ever have.

Tomorrow ?… well that is an other question entirely !

Cheers and Harmony my friend
I-FIVES on the Journey
CRguy

[Guinevere]

I like that, CRGuy! Well said!

[NWgirl]

Beautifully said CRGuy - thank you.

[Lee]

Very well written. Belle, I like your words!!

I can so relate to walking away from some people. I did this once with someone who hurt me. Situation happened prior to my cancer diagnoses, she tried to reconnect after my diagnoses. I decided I could not trust her anymore and after getting a cancer diagnoses, I decided I didn't need bad luggage in my life.

That was years ago, and I still don't regret my decision.

Lee

[NWgirl]

Very well written. Belle, I like your words!!

I can so relate to walking away from some people. I did this once with someone who hurt me. Situation happened prior to my cancer diagnoses, she tried to reconnect after my diagnoses. I decided I could not trust her anymore and after getting a cancer diagnoses, I decided I didn't need bad luggage in my life.

That was years ago, and I still don't regret my decision.

Lee

Sounds like you made the right decision. The right decision isn't always easy but when it brings you peace, you know you did the right thing.

[CRguy]

Hey Belle,
was going to throw this in earlier ….
BUTT ….I will throw it in now
seems to fit I think

You know me and lyrics
it just has the vibe I think we are dealing with right now

…. In Harmony

I've been tryin' to get down to the Heart of the Matter
Because the flesh will get weak
And the ashes will scatter
So I'm thinkin' about forgiveness
Forgiveness
Even if, even if you don't love me anymore - Don Henley

always thought this was a great song
CR

[NWgirl]

OK CRGuy - you're giving me goose bumps. I swear to you that song has been stuck in my head for weeks while I've struggled with this blog. I love that song too and it is so appropriate.

[skypup]

Belle, many of your blog entries have resonated with me, but this one rung a huge, huge internal bell that is still sounding in my head and heart. I have one of those friends, too, one of my best that just finally... enough was too much. Or actually, not enough was too little. I have never quite forgiven myself for letting a friend go even though my head knows I was getting a bit beaten up in the relationship. It really did me good to read your words. I realized that I need to disinfect and put it away in the box. Yep, I'm okay with it... Thank you.

[NWgirl]

I'm so sorry about the friendship Skypup. Losing a friend under any circumstances is hard (I think) even if it's in our best interest. I hope you're able to come to terms with it. Dr. Phil always says "time heals nothing, it's what you do with the time that matters" or something to that effect. For me, time has allowed me to look back over the years - a cross country move to a place where I knew no one, the birth of 2 kids, cancer - so many times when she could have reached out to me but never did. It makes me realize who my true friends are - both old and new and who I need to let go. Sometimes time helps put things into perspective more clearly than when you're right in the middle of it all.

[lauragb]

And accepting and moving forward could be called forgiveness. I think that is what it is especially for ourselves. Thank you for this blog.

Laura

[Don.in.Dallas]

The extra effort you describe in writing this blog resulted in gold! Smart advice smartly delivered. :thumbsup: (In lieu of a "Thumbs Up" smiley)