My Mom has departed

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My Mom has departed

Postby Elvie » Fri Aug 29, 2014 12:14 pm

My mom departed this world at about 2 a.m. yesterday. She had been admitted into in-patient hospice on August 20 where she received totally awesome care. The hospice staff was incredible to me as well as I spent hours upon hours sitting with my mother each day she was there.

She had finally been referred to in-home hospice care by her oncologist on August 8. Her in-home hospice care ended up being only one day by the time the sign-up process was complete (although she was seen by several nurses at home from the hospice during the sign-up process). This was after many phone calls to her oncologist and radiologist which I reported to them her extreme state of sleeping for 20+ hrs a day and minimal eating and drinking and days of doing neither eating or drinking.

By the time the of initial contact with the hospice marketing director (who is also an R.N.) I was finally told the truth…my mom was in the end stages of life. Her fatigue was not fatigue from radiation…her body was shutting down. It was then I was told not to force her to drink or eat, only suggest food and beverages. Had my mom been referred to hospice sooner, I would have been a better caregiver! I have regrets that I wasn't given the appropriate tools even though I was reaching out to the Cancer Institute for them.

Her suffering is now ended.
live-in caregiver/daughter to 83 yr old mom DX 4/14
Stage IV colorectal cancer
mets to liver
palliative chemo/radiation
In-patient Hospice Care 8/20/14
Departed to greener pastures 8/28/14
At peace in heaven with my dad.

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Re: My Mom has departed

Postby Val*pal » Fri Aug 29, 2014 1:18 pm

I'm so sorry to hear about the loss of your mother. My thoughts are with you.

As far as being a better care-giver, don't dwell on that. Most of us are neophytes when it comes to the dying process, so we do the best we can. It's human nature to try to get people to eat or drink, so it makes sense that we caregivers tend to focus on that. I had a little more awareness of not forcing feeding with my husband since, when my mom died in 2002, I realized then that her inability to eat was not her being difficult, it was simply the way dying people are. But I had learned that lesson earlier.

Hospice is a tremendous help, and I'm glad your mom was able to take advantage of it.

I wish you strength in the coming days.
DH dx'ed May '11, age 62
Jul '11: resection Stage IV
10/11: 6 mo Folfox
8/12:thyr canc, surg/tx
2/13: peri mets
2/13: Firi/Avas
6/13: Ok
8/13: break
10/13: Lung, peri, mets
10/13: Firi/Erb
1/14: Erb Fail; spread
5/14: Tx stopped
6/20/14: At rest

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Re: My Mom has departed

Postby singingholly » Fri Aug 29, 2014 1:26 pm

I'm very sorry for your loss...
Dec2011 sigm IIIst res T3N1(2/18)M0 Xelox
Oct2012 5liv.mets Dec 2012 liv.res
Jan2013 1liv.met Folfiri+avastin
Jul2013 liv.res Folfiri+/av
Feb2014 10+2lu.mets & 1abd node Folfoxiri+SBRT
Sep2014 Res rx l. BUT spot on diaph:SBRT
Dec2014 3+6lu.mets.Immuno

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Re: My Mom has departed

Postby pfCml73183 » Fri Aug 29, 2014 1:51 pm

Elvie, I am sorry you have lost your mom. She is with your dad now and does not want you to regret anything. I am sure she loved and appreciated everything you did for her. Being by her side was the best thing you could have done.
Peace to you loving daughter, Celeste
Wife and BF to Peter, 54
Erbitux and Urelumab trial @MSKCC 3/15
went home 5/8/15

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Re: My Mom has departed

Postby deb1223 » Fri Aug 29, 2014 2:12 pm

Sorry for your loss. Your mom is at peace now.

52 Yr. old Female, DX July 2010
Stage IV CC, 21 mets to liver, 1 to lungs
12 Rounds Folfox
To date no surgeries
Enlarged spleen
Been on Avastin only since Mar. 2011

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Joined: Sun May 25, 2014 1:31 pm

Re: My Mom has departed

Postby peanut_8 » Fri Aug 29, 2014 2:48 pm

Elvie, very sorry for your loss. I'm sure your Mom knew how much you loved her.
female, diagnosed Jan 14, RC stage 2a, age 56
April 14, 28 chemo/rad with Xeloda
June 14 adjuvant Xeloda 6 rounds
currently NED

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Joined: Mon Dec 17, 2012 12:12 pm

Re: My Mom has departed

Postby skypup » Fri Aug 29, 2014 3:32 pm

Elvie, I am so sorry for your loss. I am glad you had time to just be with her at the end while she was in hospice. That was, no doubt, a great comfort to you both.

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Re: My Mom has departed

Postby Delinda » Fri Aug 29, 2014 4:01 pm

Elvie, I am so sorry for your loss. But the mother/child bond is never broken, it simply changes. I know that doesn't help now but it has brought me a lot of comfort since my mom pssed when I was 18. We are here for you. XXOXO, Delinda
62 yo wife & mom
4/14 dx stage IIIC colon cancer
4.5cm tumor, 9/28 nodes
temp colostomy, take down 6/14
7/14 start FOLFOX, 6 mo

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Joined: Sun Aug 17, 2014 11:19 am

Re: My Mom has departed

Postby canadiandaughter » Fri Aug 29, 2014 5:44 pm

Elvie I am so sorry for your loss. I am sure your mother knew that you did everything you could to help her. She was very blessed to have a daughter who cared so much! Take care of yourself. Sending lots of hugs your way
DD to 81 year old father
dx 24/07/14 iv cc mets liver/lung
folifiri started 19/07/14
shrinkage of all mets
growth in the liver,started folfox/avastin 80% 13/01/16
reduced to 70% due to side effects 27/01/16
First scan on folfox shows shrinkage in lungs, but liver just stable
6 rounds of vectibix-fail. 3cm growth and new spots showing Waiting for panel recommendations
At peace January 8, 2017

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Re: My Mom has departed

Postby coloradowalt » Fri Aug 29, 2014 6:28 pm

I am sorry for your loss.
DW 53
12/13 DX Stage IV liver, Peritoneal and LN
12/13 Colon resection
02/14 FOLFOX with Avastin (thru 08/06)
08/26 Aborted liver resection
09/26 Obstruction, massive tumor (pelvic floor and left abdomen)
10/02 Our journey ends

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Re: My Mom has departed

Postby TheLadySkye » Fri Aug 29, 2014 11:03 pm

My deepest sympathies. You and your family are very much in my thoughts and prayers.

*hugs you to itty bitty pieces*
Stage 2b (T4N0M0) small intestine (jejunum) 8/13
Small bowel resection 9/13
CT 10/13 - NED
FOLFOX chemotherapy 11/13 - 4/14
CT 6/14 - NED and my nemesis (the power port) out!
Clean colonoscopy and endoscopy 9/14
CT 12/14, 6/15 - NED!!!

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Location: San Diego, California

Re: My Mom has departed

Postby WifeOfMike » Sat Aug 30, 2014 1:02 am

I am truly sorry for the loss of your Mom,
I lost my dad on his 96th Birthday in 2012 & I miss him every day
She is in the Arms of the Angels now
May you find some comfort in that

Candles added on tonight for you & your mom
Much Love,
Bad Ass WIFE
Hubs: CRC IVA,T3, N0, M1A
Resect/LN Mets 10/12
Folfox4/Avastin 11/12-5/13
Folfiri/Erbitux 6/13-10/13
Stivarga 12/13-4/14
Trial 4/14-/14
Trial 8/14-11/14
HOME Hospice 11/17/14
Guardian Angel 1/1/15

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Re: My Mom has departed

Postby so-scared » Sat Aug 30, 2014 11:54 am

My most sincere condolences. I am so sorry.
DH 51 yo
dx 5/16/11 stg 4 RC
mets both lobes liver & lung
6/11 chem/rad
FOLFOX 9-12/11
12/11 TME/liver resect/rfa (15 tumors)
more Folfox w/Avastin
5/12 innumerable mets liver
Folfox/Avas FAIL
HAI pump 12/12
Had to leave 5/23/14

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Location: Connecticut

Re: My Mom has departed

Postby mymom » Sat Aug 30, 2014 12:46 pm

i am so sorry.
Stage 4 CC DX 5/11
colon/livr rsct 5/11(1 met)
Folfox July-11/11
NED to 5/12
New Primry BC-4/12,Stage 1
2 livermet 5/2012
Liver rsct,HAI 6/12,Folfiri
NED to 10/13,1 liver met,ablation, Folfiri
NED to 12/14, another spot
3/15 NED
Ablation 1 liver met 10/15
1/16-current NED

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Re: My Mom has departed

Postby jvaime21 » Sat Aug 30, 2014 4:30 pm

Elvie., you're mom was so lucky to have you. You are a responsible daughter.. I am sure she had fruitful life before . My deepest condolence to you and to your family.

wife of Stg 4 SRC
04/16/14 Clear CT-
8/25/14Kidney blockd nepro.
Rec. lung 1 enlrg. Abdomen
Inoperable/incurable /Chemo for life
11/21/14 Xeloda+Irinetocan 6x
hoping for a bright sunny day

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