Husbands Supporting Their Wives

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JDinNC
Posts: 771
Joined: Fri Jul 05, 2013 9:49 pm
Location: Murphy, N.C.

Re: Husbands Supporting Their Wives

Postby JDinNC » Tue Aug 12, 2014 10:40 pm

Bob,

Sorry to hear about your wife, but you came to a right place for help.

I'm kinda new at this myself being DX with stage 4 in July 2013. As you will learn everyone's situation will be different even though we are the same stage. I had a colon and lung resection, and also was told I was clear of cancer. But as the others have said, they did chemo to kill the micros that can't be seen on a PET scan. I did FOLFOX with the pump for 6 months...it wasn't easy but doable. She'll do fine...I just got my PET results this week since finishing chemo and I'm NED. It's a long road ahead but staying positive will help a lot.

Don't be afraid to get a second opinion...you mentioned Gainesville..Shands hospital was rated one of the top in 2011-12.

As for not eating...don't push her. It always made me mad when everyone told me I had to eat. They couldn't understand that I just couldn't. I found that Boost or Ensure was helpful during my non-eating times to get my nutritions and vitamins

You're a great husband, she's so luck to have you.
Best to your wife

Jan
61 y/o female @ DX...........
T3N0M1
6/13 DX- stage 4
Sigmoid colon cancer.
One met to lung
7/13 colon resection
8/13 lung resection
7/17 four years....NED
8/18 five years....NED
MELANOMA
63 y/o @ DX
6/15 stage 2a
7/15 surgery on arm
7/15 NED
4/16 recurrance
5/16 remove metastasis from back
5/16. Started immunotherapy
8/16 discontinue treatment
7/18...PET scan...NED

Bob S
Posts: 10
Joined: Sat Aug 02, 2014 5:50 pm
Location: Port Richey, Fl

Re: Husbands Supporting Their Wives

Postby Bob S » Tue Aug 19, 2014 10:23 pm

More setbacks... tonight is 5 nights back in the hospital due to major infections (e coli) took her off flagel and cant think of the name... now on a targeting antibiotic. Received 1 unit of blood, hemoglobin 6.5 now up to 8.5, bp 82/50 tonight up to 94/80. The onco is wanting this infection gone... he's looking at his window for chemo, The infection dr says no chemo and wants surgery to check for leak and clean out the infection, the surgeon says no to much scarring.... were looking at almost another week or more in the hospital 4 to 5 weeks befor chemo and the window starts to close... 2 drains put in with no anesthesia bp to low, readjusted the drains today... get to the hospital this morning and she's crying saying how we going to lose our retirement home because of her med bills, I assured her that we wouldn't ...and not to worry about anything but getting well. feel like we take 1 step forward and 2 back, her depression is really killing me and the delays in chemo is scaring me.
June 24, 14 Colonoscopy biopsy of tumor shows cancerous
July 16, 14 Right Hemicolectomy with resection
July 27, 14 Tumor invades Adherent Omentum, Graded IVb
Aug 14, 14 Pet Scan
Sep 24, 14 Start 6 months Folfox 6

stars9979
Posts: 135
Joined: Fri May 02, 2014 11:06 pm

Re: Husbands Supporting Their Wives

Postby stars9979 » Tue Aug 19, 2014 11:57 pm

Bob S wrote:More setbacks... tonight is 5 nights back in the hospital due to major infections (e coli) took her off flagel and cant think of the name... now on a targeting antibiotic. Received 1 unit of blood, hemoglobin 6.5 now up to 8.5, bp 82/50 tonight up to 94/80. The onco is wanting this infection gone... he's looking at his window for chemo, The infection dr says no chemo and wants surgery to check for leak and clean out the infection, the surgeon says no to much scarring.... were looking at almost another week or more in the hospital 4 to 5 weeks befor chemo and the window starts to close... 2 drains put in with no anesthesia bp to low, readjusted the drains today... get to the hospital this morning and she's crying saying how we going to lose our retirement home because of her med bills, I assured her that we wouldn't ...and not to worry about anything but getting well. feel like we take 1 step forward and 2 back, her depression is really killing me and the delays in chemo is scaring me.


I am so sorry you have to go through this. It is a very scary process, especially not knowing or knowing even where to turn.

One oncologist put ti to me this way when my mom was having a set back "If it is going to work today, it will work tomorrow" Which made me feel better. They specialize with this and know what they are doing. I know it is extremely hard to just have faith in their skills, but you really just have to. If you have a gut feeling or instinct, investigate, ask more questions, stay ontop of things.

As far as expenses, she needs to not focus on that, we as humans always find a way in order to survive, theres much adversity but we make it through. She is tough, and she will get through this. SHE IS TOUGHER THAN CANCER. I tell my mom that constantly, and even got a shirt made for her.

I wish you to make memories in the hospital just holding hands and chatting, asnd more importantly healing vibes coming her way!
Caregiver to 54 y/o mom
Dx April 4 2014
Stage IV CC w mets to liver
Illeostomy (temp) 05/05/2014
6 rounds FOLFOX 05/14-08/14
Primary tumor/colon resection/I'll take down 10/27/14

michelle c
Posts: 1914
Joined: Wed Dec 02, 2009 3:58 am

Re: Husbands Supporting Their Wives

Postby michelle c » Wed Aug 20, 2014 9:05 am

I'm sorry to hear about your wife's setback. Thinking of you both and hoping and praying for a quick recovery from the infection.
25 May 09 Dx with CC (sigmoid colon) 2 days after my 44th b'day
CEA prior to surgery 4.7
3 Jun 09 LAR - Stage III 3/10 lymph nodes
6 Jul - 10 Dec 09 12 cycles FOLFIRI
Genetic testing - inconclusive for Lynch
Jul 12 port removed & hernia repair

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Bev G
Posts: 5856
Joined: Thu Jan 07, 2010 11:19 pm
Facebook Username: Bev Golde
Location: Quechee, VT

Re: Husbands Supporting Their Wives

Postby Bev G » Wed Aug 20, 2014 9:54 am

I'm praying for a speedy recovery from this nasty infection. You appear to be a very wonderful husband and caregiver. It would be lovely if everyone had a "you". Godspeed to you both.

Gentle hugs for you both,

Bev
58 yo Type1 DM 48 years
12/09 Stage IV 2/22 nodes + liver met, colon resec
3 tx FOLFIRI, liver resec 4/10
9/10 6 mos off chemo, Neg PET&CTC CEA nl
2/11 finished total 10 rounds chemo

9/13 ^17th clean PET/CT NED for now

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pmterra
Posts: 599
Joined: Fri Jul 01, 2011 6:12 pm

Re: Husbands Supporting Their Wives

Postby pmterra » Thu Aug 21, 2014 7:04 am

I'm so sorry Bob. I hope things start to improve quickly. You both deserve a break from all this. All the different opinions must be driving you insane! Not that she needs another med but is your wife taking anything for the anxiety? I'm thinking the worry and stress she is going through is not helping her to heal. Sending prayers for both of you.
caregiver to survivor husband
Stage 3C - Colon
surgery June, 2008
6 mo. chemo/FOLFOX & Avastin
June 2015 - 7 year survivor :)

canadiandaughter
Posts: 676
Joined: Sun Aug 17, 2014 11:19 am

Re: Husbands Supporting Their Wives

Postby canadiandaughter » Thu Aug 21, 2014 7:39 am

Sending prayers and positive thoughts to you and your wife. I have no input as this journey is new to me as well. Just wanted you to know you are both in my thoughts.
Take care
DD to 81 year old father
dx 24/07/14 iv cc mets liver/lung
folifiri started 19/07/14
shrinkage of all mets
growth in the liver,started folfox/avastin 80% 13/01/16
reduced to 70% due to side effects 27/01/16
First scan on folfox shows shrinkage in lungs, but liver just stable
6 rounds of vectibix-fail. 3cm growth and new spots showing Waiting for panel recommendations
At peace January 8, 2017

Stanfordmom
Posts: 612
Joined: Wed May 14, 2014 1:32 am

Re: Husbands Supporting Their Wives

Postby Stanfordmom » Thu Aug 21, 2014 6:31 pm

You are such a wonderful husband!

Hope your wife's infection goes away soon, and she is able to get back on chemo.

You both will be in my prayers.

Sha
DX 4/2/2014 at 44, stage 4, mets liver and ovaries
Mom to 2 boys
Three surgeries, HAI pump and lots of chemo
fighting!

WifeOfMike
Posts: 1495
Joined: Thu Dec 20, 2012 9:53 pm
Facebook Username: https://www.facebook.com/vbass123
Location: San Diego, California

Re: Husbands Supporting Their Wives

Postby WifeOfMike » Thu Aug 21, 2014 7:50 pm

Hang in there darling,
I have been caregiver to hubby sense Oct 2012. It can be done & you look like a great candidate for the job- she is LUCKY
I lurked here from 2 months later till May of this year to open my mouth & come out of the closet

You are in a GREAT place to learn & get support
Ask lots of questions, look up procedures/ drugs/ side effects & be prepared. Knowledge is your friend
Do not forget to spend quality time relaxing with Wife & smelling the ROSES

Best wishes for her speedy recovery & treatments
Vicki
Bad Ass WIFE
Hubs: CRC IVA,T3, N0, M1A
Resect/LN Mets 10/12
Folfox4/Avastin 11/12-5/13
Folfiri/Erbitux 6/13-10/13
Stivarga 12/13-4/14
Trial 4/14-/14
Trial 8/14-11/14
HOME Hospice 11/17/14
Guardian Angel 1/1/15
Cost of HOPE? PRICELESS

Bob S
Posts: 10
Joined: Sat Aug 02, 2014 5:50 pm
Location: Port Richey, Fl

Re: Husbands Supporting Their Wives

Postby Bob S » Sat Aug 23, 2014 10:43 pm

Patty came home last night with the 2 drains. Her appetite is GREAT (and I was worried sick over it for weeks). I realized today that you have to laugh sometimes in the face of adversity or rather incompetence. I stop at the pharmacy on the way home for her pain meds, Zofran and antibiotics... well the script was percodan ( not available for years) and not percocet like it was supposed to be and of course its Friday evening ( thank God we had lots of leftovers from the surgery )... The RN home health nurse comes today to irrigate the drains... oops she doesn't have the flush ( we had some ) and she never did one... well Patty and I did it... Next thursday is another CT and if the infection looks clear the drains come out, 2 more weeks of antibiotics and chemo hopefully starts... If the drains are pulled, Thursday afternoon were on the road to Lake Lure NC for about a week... we both need some mountain porch time.
June 24, 14 Colonoscopy biopsy of tumor shows cancerous
July 16, 14 Right Hemicolectomy with resection
July 27, 14 Tumor invades Adherent Omentum, Graded IVb
Aug 14, 14 Pet Scan
Sep 24, 14 Start 6 months Folfox 6

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Cherie
Posts: 590
Joined: Fri Jul 12, 2013 11:20 am
Facebook Username: cherie
Location: New Zealand

Re: Husbands Supporting Their Wives

Postby Cherie » Sun Aug 24, 2014 1:52 am

Hi Bob I had the exact same spread as your wife. I demanded to know what my chances were and without chemo I had a 3% chance that surgery would "cure" me even though my surgeon told me he got it all. With chemo I have a 30% at cure. Not great but i'm sure anyone here will tell you even if chemo doesn't cure you it will buy you some more time. Yes the after affects can be horrible and there are day I wish I wasn't here but there are many more I'm happy to be still here. Your wife MUST do chemo for any chance. We see our too many people pass due to this horrible disease. Give her a week to process this all, no nagging, then hit her with the facts.

Good luck.
36Yo F
2000 UC
2013 Stage 4 CC 15/126 LN spread to the omentum
June Collectomy all visible cancer removed
July Folfox + Avastin
2/14 clean scan
8/14 Ileo-anal pouch surgery still NED
1/15 Emergency illeostomy spread to peritoneum and small bowel

Julie YW
Posts: 170
Joined: Tue Aug 27, 2013 2:25 am
Facebook Username: Julie.yip-williams

Re: Husbands Supporting Their Wives

Postby Julie YW » Mon Sep 22, 2014 6:29 pm

Bob, how are you and your wife?
DX July 2013, 37yo
12 of 68 LN
Stage IV w/ drop peri met
Folfox 8/12/13
Clean scans 1/24/14
Rising CEA 2/13/14
HIPEC 3/13/14
Folfiri 4/21/14
Recurrence in lungs 12/19/14
Xeloda & Avastin
Follow my blog: http://julieyipwilliams.wordpress.com/about/

Bob S
Posts: 10
Joined: Sat Aug 02, 2014 5:50 pm
Location: Port Richey, Fl

Re: Husbands Supporting Their Wives

Postby Bob S » Mon Sep 22, 2014 8:50 pm

The drains came out and we did take a week in NC and had a couple of NORMAL weeks at home. Last week we were back to reality, seeing the onco and going to chemo school . Today the surgeon put the port in which went pretty well and now the anticipation of Wednesday which is day 1 treatment 1. They said not really expect any symptoms until Thursday or Friday. I pray she has a good time through this. We have the zofran, compazine, imodium and gloves. She is panicking about losing her hair...even dreams about waking up and being bald on one whole side... I try telling her that everyone is different and like the doc said not everyone gets all the symptoms and we'll deal things as they come. 24 weeks and counting.
June 24, 14 Colonoscopy biopsy of tumor shows cancerous
July 16, 14 Right Hemicolectomy with resection
July 27, 14 Tumor invades Adherent Omentum, Graded IVb
Aug 14, 14 Pet Scan
Sep 24, 14 Start 6 months Folfox 6

justin case
Posts: 4269
Joined: Sun Sep 04, 2011 8:26 am
Location: Katy, Texas

Re: Husbands Supporting Their Wives

Postby justin case » Mon Sep 22, 2014 9:54 pm

Bob S wrote:The drains came out and we did take a week in NC and had a couple of NORMAL weeks at home. Last week we were back to reality, seeing the onco and going to chemo school . Today the surgeon put the port in which went pretty well and now the anticipation of Wednesday which is day 1 treatment 1. They said not really expect any symptoms until Thursday or Friday. I pray she has a good time through this. We have the zofran, compazine, imodium and gloves. She is panicking about losing her hair...even dreams about waking up and being bald on one whole side... I try telling her that everyone is different and like the doc said not everyone gets all the symptoms and we'll deal things as they come. 24 weeks and counting.

Actually my hair got a little thin for about 4 months, and then, after Oxiloplatin, in got more of a natural color, than the old gray I used to have. I'm going on 59, and still need a haircut every 2 or 3 weeks, or look like a damn Hippie :shock:
Michael
7/11 diagnosed Stage 2 colon and rectal cancer
chemo/rad
lar/temp ilio
Reversal & port removal
21 round of chemo Folfox 9tx, 5fu 12 tx
Last treatment July 2012

orcasres
Posts: 836
Joined: Mon Jul 01, 2013 10:23 pm
Location: Orcas Island, WA

Re: Husbands Supporting Their Wives

Postby orcasres » Tue Sep 23, 2014 2:25 am

Hi, Bob,

I hope this helps a little with your wife's concerns about her hair. I had very thick long hair before I started FOLFOX that was also quite curly and starting to gray quite a bit. I am the very unusual person; I actually lost about 95% of it, but I kept enough around the edges that I could wear a cap or scarf and not look like I had lost so much hair. I had a wig, but did not like it and just stuck with the caps and scarves. Within weeks of finishing FOLFOX my hair was returning and within four months I had thick, darker (no gray - but it is slowly returning) even curlier hair and I love it. I like it much more than I did my previous hair. My hair loss is very unusual. Most folks thin a fair amount, but do not lose anywhere close to as much as I did. If your wife is very concerned, the common suggestion is that she get a wig now while she can match her own hair. I got mine through the American Cancer Society but we live on an island where services are pretty limited. There are wig makers that specialize in cancer patients. Also, the cost of a wig made for cancer patients might be covered by insurance or, if not, can be deducted as a medical expense. I wish you both the best. Lois
63 yo F
Colon resection Sept. 2010
pT3N0M0 Stage 2A
Medullary Tumor 6.5cm long
Lymphovascular invasion
Lynch negative
12 FOLFOX 11/2010 to 5/2011 8 w/Oxi
NED so far


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