I've realized I have more to say about this, to better clarify my thoughts about death, I guess. This beautiful little girl, beautiful though she is, obviously has some form of cerebral palsy. She is utterly and completely dependent upon others for her survival. Nature has forced her to be humbled. Almost certainly she has normal intellect, but she will never walk and may or may not be able to talk. I do not believe for a moment that she, or her parents, were being "punished" for anything when her prenatal accident determined that this would be her life. Shit happens. I don't believe there is a "why". Looking for a "why" that works, I'm convinced, is a total waste of time. Now, look at her dad. Just look at him. 100% love and compassion. He will love and protect her, cherish her, watch out for her no matter what. He kneels before her. He doesn't take his eyes off her. He lives for her. He knows she could not survive without him. As much as I hate children's beauty pageants, he sees his handicapped daughter, despite her disabilities, and the most beautiful, most precious, being in the world. And he's right.
What I think about God is that he sees each of us in exactly this way. I believe he grieves with each of us, and that we are not alone in our suffering. I believe that he hears all of our prayers, but for whatever reason, a reason we do not have the capacity to understand, our will is not always his will. I firmly believe though that his will is for our perfect peace, and that at the end of the day, when our time has come, we will somehow be able to see how it all made sense, how our suffering was both temporal and temporary. How there is no grief and no death that Heaven cannot heal. I just simply cannot fathom how anything else makes any sense at all. Energy can neither be created nor destroyed (on Earth anyway). How could our inherent energy (our souls?) just cease to exist? Nah. I think our eternal life will be in an infinitely better place, where (someone here said) we won't have cancer to talk about anymore.
58 yo Type1 DM 48 years
12/09 Stage IV 2/22 nodes + liver met, colon resec
3 tx FOLFIRI, liver resec 4/10
9/10 6 mos off chemo, Neg PET&CTC CEA nl
2/11 finished total 10 rounds chemo
9/13 ^17th clean PET/CT NED for now