My last post

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kathy49
Posts: 3
Joined: Sat Aug 09, 2014 10:29 am

Re: My last post

Postby kathy49 » Sun Sep 07, 2014 7:56 pm

Nice photo Marco...you really look good and that "Italian" sun looks very nice. September is such a beautiful month and I'm so glad you can enjoy it at home.

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Nester
Posts: 209
Joined: Tue Oct 22, 2013 3:37 am
Location: Milan,Italy

Re: My last post

Postby Nester » Sun Sep 07, 2014 8:53 pm

Hi guys ,

It's 4 am and can't sleep so I'm writing to you.
Tonight my BP was low and couldn't stand up, I am so weak. I fell on the floor like an idiot.
Beside this I'm grateful I'm still here pain free and able to post on this board still.

You were an encouragement for me I really feel I'm loved here. Thank you so much.
I Don t know how much time I have left but I feel readier to go day after day more.

It has been such a beautiful life that I'm crying and don't want to leave it even if I have to. So many projects uncomplteed, so many people I would like to stay with, but I know that I can't realise what's all in my mind, it is so awful.

My mother is sleeping besides me she such an angel and caregiver. I don't know if I could be so brave to do the same for her.

I hope I'll receive some more postcards tomorrow and I ĺl be able to post back them on this forum.

In the meantime thanks for being so supportive over my journey with over than 150 postcards , I really didn't expect so many.

XOXO XOXO XOXO XOXO Marco.
Diag @ 30yo St IV 12/11 Appdx crcnma (mets to peri)
12/11 2x Colectomy (1 HIPEC)
2/12 - 7/12 CAPOX
2/12 - 5/13 NED
5/13 Explorative Surgery (1 small nodule found)
9/13 Start FOLFIRI
10/13 Obstruction - Surgery + Colostomy
1/14-6/14
Life @ sunset

Delinda
Posts: 402
Joined: Sat Jul 12, 2014 8:39 pm
Location: Washington state

Re: My last post

Postby Delinda » Sun Sep 07, 2014 9:19 pm

Sweet Marco, just got home from my lovely trip to the ocean with five women in my family. The first thing I did was to log in here to see how you are doing. I am so glad that you are back in your own home with your loving mother and family. It breaks my heart that you are growing weaker, especially because I know how strong your soul is - and how beautiful. I blew kisses to you from the ocean beach, and bought 3 more beautiful postcards for you. The painting of two herons is my favorite & I will mail it tomorrow. Enjoy the sunshine from your balcony dear one. Hugs to your Mama & 10,000 kisses to you. I love you. XXOXO, Delinda
62 yo wife & mom
4/14 dx stage IIIC colon cancer
4.5cm tumor, 9/28 nodes
temp colostomy, take down 6/14
7/14 start FOLFOX, 6 mo

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Bev G
Posts: 5856
Joined: Thu Jan 07, 2010 11:19 pm
Facebook Username: Bev Golde
Location: Quechee, VT

Re: My last post

Postby Bev G » Sun Sep 07, 2014 11:09 pm

Hello, dear Marco,

I am sorry you are feeling weak, and very sorry you fell. That's probably very scary...to feel your body weakening while your spirit is so strong. That is the spirit you will take with you Marco. Your self that will live forever, your spirit that has accumulated all the love and beautiful memories of your life. I strongly believe you will never lose any of that. Those things, who you are, how you loved, and are loved with be with you forever. In time, we will all be with you again, and what an amazing party it will be!

I sent you another postcard from Quechee, VT on Saturday. I sure hope you will be able to read my awful writing. It's so weird, some days I can write pretty much OK, and some days, not at all (thanks, chemo)

I love you, Marco, you sweet and wonderful young man. Feel the love.

xoxox

Bev
58 yo Type1 DM 48 years
12/09 Stage IV 2/22 nodes + liver met, colon resec
3 tx FOLFIRI, liver resec 4/10
9/10 6 mos off chemo, Neg PET&CTC CEA nl
2/11 finished total 10 rounds chemo

9/13 ^17th clean PET/CT NED for now

skypup
Posts: 2598
Joined: Mon Dec 17, 2012 12:12 pm

Re: My last post

Postby skypup » Sun Sep 07, 2014 11:21 pm

Marco, you sweet young man, you are loved here. You have given more than you have received, I promise you!

Sorry you fell. Cancer just takes one thing after another away from us. I am so glad you have your mother to be with you. Is hospice taking good care of you still?

I know what you mean about accepting leaving this world, but it just hurting so bad to leave early. I feel similar things even now. Hard to imagine what it would be like at 30 and so sudden. I hope there is really an afterlife where you can have even greater joy. And meet us all when we come across. Or send us a postcard from heaven!!!

Bless you!

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Nester
Posts: 209
Joined: Tue Oct 22, 2013 3:37 am
Location: Milan,Italy

Re: My last post

Postby Nester » Mon Sep 08, 2014 1:37 am

Oh dears thanks for such beautiful words.
I donthink know what's past the line but I will do anything to make contact to you if it will be feasible.

I'll keep you always in my mind. Marco.
Diag @ 30yo St IV 12/11 Appdx crcnma (mets to peri)
12/11 2x Colectomy (1 HIPEC)
2/12 - 7/12 CAPOX
2/12 - 5/13 NED
5/13 Explorative Surgery (1 small nodule found)
9/13 Start FOLFIRI
10/13 Obstruction - Surgery + Colostomy
1/14-6/14
Life @ sunset

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ANDRETEXAS
Posts: 662
Joined: Fri Feb 14, 2014 11:01 am
Location: Austin, Texas (University of Tennessee alumnus)

Re: My last post

Postby ANDRETEXAS » Mon Sep 08, 2014 2:40 am

Marco....Thanks so much for keeping us updated, even when there's nothing new necessarily to report. Hope you are always comfortable and know that people all over the world are keeping you in their prayers. Wishing you a peaceful and calm week ahead. Andre
2/10/14 - Colon resect
2/13 - DX- Stage IIIb
6 of 18 lymph nodes cancerous
3/7 - Port placed
3/11 - FOLFOX (12 rds w/full oxi)
8/14 - Chemo finish
8/25 - CT- Inc
9/5 - clean PET
12/10- clean CT

3/2/15 - Clean colonoscopy & port removed
3/4 - clean CT
9/21- clean CT

3/23/16 - clean CT

2/22/17- clean CT

3/21/18 - clean CT
4/1 - clean colonoscopy

3/11/19 - clean CT
9/23 - Five-year release - Annual visits now !

4/13/23 - clean colonoscopy

ONE DAY AT A TIME !

pukalania
Posts: 454
Joined: Mon Aug 06, 2012 2:54 am
Location: Honolulu, Seattle

Re: My last post

Postby pukalania » Mon Sep 08, 2014 4:23 am

Dear Marco
Thank you for always coming here and sharing... I think I lot of us first check on you when logging in... You have been such a gift!!! I can't even imagine how hard it must be for you ... Your mom and all the people who love you and are next to you... You never cease to amaze me and I truly hope somehow all of this would make sense and bring you and everyone you love peace and happiness... You deserve it so much !

I hope you have a good day today and enjoy the sun and all the simple things you love :)
Hugs across the ocean :)

Ps that Italian sun is shining brighter than the Hawaiian sun today :)
wife 34 dx DH stage IV
Feb10 col res
May10 12 x FOLFOX
Aug12 tumor in sig colon,mets in liver
Aug12 Xeliri Ava
Oct12 xel celebrx rad
Feb13 liver/colon res
Sep13 ill reversal, fistula,
Folfiri SBRT,ADAPT ava
Apr 15 continued growth liver and lungs

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Cherie
Posts: 590
Joined: Fri Jul 12, 2013 11:20 am
Facebook Username: cherie
Location: New Zealand

Re: My last post

Postby Cherie » Mon Sep 08, 2014 5:35 am

Hi Hunny Bunny, yes totally agree that this is a wonderful place where we get to met brave men like you!

I am imagining your mum sleeping next to her baby. Give her a big kiss from all of us, for her hard work raising a fine young man.

xox
36Yo F
2000 UC
2013 Stage 4 CC 15/126 LN spread to the omentum
June Collectomy all visible cancer removed
July Folfox + Avastin
2/14 clean scan
8/14 Ileo-anal pouch surgery still NED
1/15 Emergency illeostomy spread to peritoneum and small bowel

Val*pal
Posts: 860
Joined: Sun Feb 10, 2013 1:24 pm
Facebook Username: Valerie Barkus Kantner
Location: Metro Detroit, Michigan

Re: My last post

Postby Val*pal » Mon Sep 08, 2014 10:55 am

Dear Marco, I hope you continue to be pain free. You have a wonderful mother who is helping you so much through this time. For that alone you are really blessed. Please take care when attempting to move about since you don't want to suffer an injury on top of your weakening condition. I think about you every day and hope you have more good days to communicate with us.
DH dx'ed May '11, age 62
Jul '11: resection Stage IV
10/11: 6 mo Folfox
8/12:thyr canc, surg/tx
2/13: peri mets
2/13: Firi/Avas
6/13: Ok
8/13: break
10/13: Lung, peri, mets
10/13: Firi/Erb
1/14: Erb Fail; spread
5/14: Tx stopped
6/20/14: At rest

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Nester
Posts: 209
Joined: Tue Oct 22, 2013 3:37 am
Location: Milan,Italy

Re: My last post

Postby Nester » Mon Sep 08, 2014 2:08 pm

Hi dear friends,

Two things happened today I wanted to share about my journey.
After the fall I feel weaker, I used to go to the park for a few minutes but I can't do it anymore.

I discovered that my pain deliverance elastomer was stuck since 24h ago and my pain was getting worse, as an engineer I did some calcs and discovered the dosage was not right.so I called the hospice nurse. She came in half an hour.
Indeed the needle was broken in my arm, just got it replaced and feel a little better now.

I spoke with my doctor and started to realise the days are getting near to my end and we started two discuss about palliative sedation. She told me she will put me to sleep and my heart despite is young and sane will probably stop in a week or so.
It's more than 2 months that I just drink and don't eat anything, feel week at home and miss my 30yo energy. I'm getting ready to go. Seems the cancer is slow growing inside me but after 4 surgeries there's nothing that can be done to my peritoneal carcinomatosis.

Today I cried a lot with my mother , my father , maybe for the first time and with my fiancee. I still wait to talk to my syster, she's in London and I wanted to tell her face to face.

This is how things are going.

Thanks for letting me vent here and I love you all.
I hate this dam disease.

A big hug and a big kiss
Marco


I wish I could go back to change things
Diag @ 30yo St IV 12/11 Appdx crcnma (mets to peri)
12/11 2x Colectomy (1 HIPEC)
2/12 - 7/12 CAPOX
2/12 - 5/13 NED
5/13 Explorative Surgery (1 small nodule found)
9/13 Start FOLFIRI
10/13 Obstruction - Surgery + Colostomy
1/14-6/14
Life @ sunset

Yvetoro
Posts: 50
Joined: Mon Apr 16, 2012 10:59 pm

Re: My last post

Postby Yvetoro » Mon Sep 08, 2014 2:24 pm

Hi Marco,I just saw your update as I was ready to submit a posting to you. It breaks my heart to hear that your end is so close.Truly. Know that you have touched so many and you will not be forgotten. How will it be determined when to sedate you? Is your fiance or a close friend aware of this site? Will someone update us when you're not able to? We think of you all the time. Still hoping and praying for your well being. My daughter who is 14 years old always says, "mom, did Marco update today, how is he?" I wonder how much she truly understands about this illness and your current condition.

Gentle ((hugs))
Yvette

peanut_8
Posts: 2340
Joined: Sun May 25, 2014 1:31 pm

Re: My last post

Postby peanut_8 » Mon Sep 08, 2014 2:48 pm

Hugs and kisses to you Marco. You are such an amazing person. I wish I could change things for you also.
love, peanut
female, diagnosed Jan 14, RC stage 2a, age 56
MSS
April 14, 28 chemo/rad with Xeloda
June 14 adjuvant Xeloda 6 rounds
currently NED

Don.in.Dallas
Posts: 179
Joined: Sun Aug 31, 2014 10:43 pm
Location: Dallas, Texas USA

Re: My last post

Postby Don.in.Dallas » Mon Sep 08, 2014 3:29 pm

Marco,

I am inspired by your strength and courage. You are a great role model for dealing with an insurmountable challenge. I hope one day to measure up to you.

Warm regards,

Don
Male 56 at DX 05/14
05/14 Resection, 3.2cm sigmoid CRC Stage IIIb, 2/17 nodes, T3N1M0
06/14 PET scan clear, portacath install
06/14 Begin FOLFOX6 12x, End 01/15
09/20 Still NED!
----
Previous: Laryngeal cancer
33 x rad
NED since 12/09

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kirac
Posts: 258
Joined: Sun Jun 09, 2013 10:34 pm

Re: My last post

Postby kirac » Mon Sep 08, 2014 4:13 pm

Marco:

Thanks for updating us. We are all thinking of you and hoping for pain free days. I, as everyone else, look forward to meeting you in the future. And, when I travel, I will always think of you. Not sure if I should ask this, but I'd love to send your mom a card. Can I do that? She takes so good care of you and I want to make sure she knows we're thinking of her too. If you think it's not a good idea, no worries.

Love,
Holly
Husband (Age 36) 1/13 Dx Stage 3B rectal cancer
3/13 Chemoradiation
6/13 Tumor removed, Temp ileo, 1/15 nodes
7/13 Chemo = Oxaliplatin, Xeloda
1/14 Reversal
7/14 NED, CEA 1.8
12/14 CLEAR CT scan! NED

http://kickingasscancer.com/


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