Recurrence always in your mind?

[Regan]

NEDville. . .a wonderful thing.

Living daily life, dealing with effects of surgeries, pretending not to think the monster may come back.

Going through the motions.

Minor pain in abdomen (inner self --TERROR, outer self --just normal)

Life decisions different (inner self --DOESN'T MATTER, outer self --weigh options)

on and on and on and on and on

[GreenMonkey]

I really try not too but yes, I do.
I am hoping that the longer I am NED, the easier it will be (but I doubt it).
This is not to say that I have stopped living. I smile more and laugh louder than before.
I am truly happy.

thoughts are so powerful. when fear leaks in I acknowledge it and then release it. Shift back to whats in front of me. 99% of the time, its sweet.

[justin case]

As I get older and try to keep up with the normal things that I do, run my machine , lift paper, crawl under various objects for maintenance, mow the lawn, etc. I have various muscle pains which I know are cancer related for a few days, and then they go away. Recurrence is often on my mind. I keep a prescription for pain meds at all times, and my oncologist is OK with that.(obviously) Also getting to that age, I try not to let those thoughts affect my quality of life, so I haven't become vegan, or taken my few libations away from myself. Basically for me, it is what it is.
Regards,
Michael

[nitebreez]

I guess I'm just a bit paranoid about the possibility of recurrance. I seem to worry about it pretty often, and think about what I would do,...that I need to get something like a pre-paid cremation service in place (so as not to burden my daughter if and when the time should come). And how I would even be able to do the needed chemo this next time (as I had to get help with the chemo co-pays the first go around).

I guess the idea of recurrance being a real possibility,...is that my initial diagnosis was just a bit weird. I was rushed to the ER for emergency surgery. It was thought to be perforated colon by diverticulitus. So the general surgeon operated, with the diverticulitus in mind. No nodes were taken. It was only later, when the tumor sample came back that it was known that I actually had colon cancer. So with no nodes taken or checked,...I was placed in the "high risk" category, and received the same treatment as stage III-something.

Now I always am left wondering if there were perhaps cancer cells that got all over from the perforated colon (and/or any nodes affected). My first scan after chemo showed "No Evidence of Cancer". But I go around almost feeling them thar little cancer cells roaming around inside me somewhere!!!! Ya may not be able to see 'em,....but I almost can feel the little beggars.

So I stay paranoid,...and take all my many suppliments (like D3, PSK, aspirin, cimetidine,..etc. etc. etc. etc. etc)

[Coppercent]

I choose not to give cancer that much energy. If I end up in treatment I will face it at that time. I keep up on the newest treatment etc since I have a friend that is currently in treatment. I don't stress over scans or blood tests since I see those as things that will let me know if I need treatment. Life is a bumpy road whether it be cancer or another obstacle.

[vilca11]

Sorry to break it to all, but in my opinion, even at stage 3, it is better to be safe than sorry... Just get on ADAPT with Dr. Lin at the NED point, and do not fear recurrence anymore... It is just Xeloda and Celebrex for 3 years, but there a chance that you are going to be alive and without recurrence for many more years... A good chance, not just 5%...
Hugs, Vilca

[stu]

Hi ,
My mum was diagnosed five years ago this summer as stage 4 . She had a very quick recurrence the following year and had more chemo and surgery. She has the most amazing attitude and focuses on living( also faced her recurrence with the same attitude). She has lived the last three years without treatment and for that I am very grateful. To be honest it took me a little longer to get on board partly because I am inclined to worry over most things and also because I have a background in health, my husband was actually working in the operating room next to my mum when she was initially diagnosed and he was brought out to support us but the surgeon was caught up with another patient and the strain was showing all over his face and my mum asked him and he took her in his arms and told her. It took many months for that image to subside in my mind as it told a thousand stories. However , I felt compelled to match my mum's courage and with time I realised it was not dominating every thought, then days went by without thinking about it and although it is there it is not just as loud. Anxiety surges before scans but I adopt a patients recommendations to set a point in time when I give myself permission to worry and not before it.
She has just celebrated her 50 th wedding anniversary by taking us all on holiday. It was priceless . Pure joy and cancer was far from our minds. She endured so much for times like this and it certainly takes discipline to control your thoughts but its possible with time.
Much love to you all
Stu

[jvaime21]

Hello., My husband is always positive thinker, even when we found out that he was a cancer and not easy to cure., or treat, Before he started to his treatment 1st round chemo (28x of XELODA + adjuvant radiation ) . Our Doctor asked me what is our plan., He said there is a very little chance for his life if we do the treatment., or after surgery he will undergo another 2nd round Chemo ( XELODA + OXIPLATIN ) so tell me because during the chemo only two things will happen -- if he will survive the chemo or not !., or after surgery stop the chemo. because there is a big chance of recurrence., But I or we continued the treatment we finished it.
Now he still recovering ., but in my mind the recurrence is always with me., especially the other day. that after he poop there is a blood and a lot of blood came up when he is in bed lying .For him he said its nothing maybe its because of hard to poop so maybe got a wound inside. almost everyday I have that feelings of the Recurrence., we are now waiting for the appointment to our ONCO>


aime

[TheLadySkye]

For me, the fear of recurrence is always there. It is THE things I fear. Especially now that the chemo is done, I feel less like I am DOING anything to beat it into submission. And as my docs are quite keen to remind me, the recurrence thing really is out of my control. Alas, it doesn't stop me from worrying and I find myself periodically searching for ANYTHING that might give me a little more piece of mind. Alas, there is no doctor or website or medical article or any reputable source that I can find that will say, "Oh, you're going to be just fine." And I suspect that's what I need

[helen098]

every headache is a brain tumor, every bump leukemia then the ration part of my brain says no I don't think so
since I never had any symptoms while the cancer was growing I have spend many hours wonder what kind of time bomb I could have in my body
have a scan then feel great with a clean scan but what about the next day
it gets better but there is still the fear..... earlier this afternoon I was contemplating calling my colon doc on Monday because my stool was red...then I remember the red licorice I ate last night.....I think the chances of it being the red dye is a lot higher than bleeding
I will see what happens tomorrow but I think it was the licorice
once I was worried about my dog .....I though no it's not fair for him to have cancer too (when I was on chemo) well it turns out he had eaten red licorice the day before
a urgent vet visit and a couple of hundred dollars in tests....to find out jerry was fine and i was one of those pet parents (i refuse to identify myself as his mommy i am his human).
i wonder if it ever stops ?

[JDinNC]

I'm one year after my diagnose with one year to go for the two year 80% chance recurrence. My family and friends all tell me I'll be fine but I'm still prepared. If it does come back, I'll do what is necessary to be NED again. Until then, I continue doing the same activities I did before cancer. I do worry about aches and pain but I don't over think them.

On the morbid side, I'll be making my own urn box...I'll have my husband scroll saw the cancer ribbon along with the words....Faith, Hope and Courage within the box. I built my mother and father box since Mom wanted to be buried with dad. I made a box big enough to hold both their ashes. Dad hung out in my closet for 13 years....until her time came.