Sometimes it's hard to like people

[SoConfused]

Hi friends - I know it's only noon in Texas, but it has already been a very trying day.

It has recently come to my attention than the wife of one of my cousins has started a rumor about the state of my health. According to her, I am at death's door which is thankfully not true at all. She has falsely attributed this message to my daughter who has NEVER spoken to her in her life. She has spread this rumor so far that it has now reached my community of friends (frenemies really), etc. here in my current hometown from far far away where she is.

This morning, I woke up in a great mood, ready to take on the world. Stopped by local startbucks for my morning joe and ran into a friend who was shocked to see me standing upright. He said that his wife had told him about my deteriorating health and blah blah blah.

I guess my question is this: what would tempt someone to start something so completely baseless and incredibly hurtful? how can people be so awful? I am usually a softy and forgive, but this time, I am holding a grudge. This has been hurtful to me and my family. I don't like admitting this, but I am wishing the source ill --- I hope she suffers for putting me and my family through the emotional turmoil. This may be a reality we'll have to face that day, but until then, let me enjoy my life.

Thanks for listening.

[robinkaye]

She sounds like someone looking or attention...it's an emotional disorder. Sort of like the sociopath who is only concerned with something insofar as how it affects them. Someone dies, it becomes about how it upsets them, screw the person who died.

A lot of people say and do the wrong things when dealing with a friend or family member with cancer. I think in most cases they should be given a pass as they have their head in the sand or they mean well. In this case I think you should tell her to mind her own f'ing business...she's a nut

[ams5796]

I'm so sorry that you have someone like that in your life. It never ceases to amaze me that people would find it "entertaining" to gossip about someone's health, specifically someone's cancer diagnosis. I have noticed that there are some people who are out there actually gossiping about my situation. I feel sorry for them. if only they knew how difficult it is to live with cancer.



Ann

[KimT]

We have a family member like that. My moms cousin. She kept posting hysterical things on Facebook and I finally called her and told her to knock it off or we would cut her out of out lives. I have no patience for bullshit anymore.

[Coppercent]

It reminds me of my sister. She separated herself from the family years ago when my parents were still alive. When she and the small community I am from found out about my cancer, they would ask her how I was doing. They did not know that she chose not to speak to us and had no clue. She would make up "how I was doing" at that moment. She liked to tell people I was flying through treatment but I really liked the attention I got from having cancer. The people who knew me well know I do not discuss cancer at all and hated all of the questions and attention. I had one friend ask her at Easter how I was doing and she told my friend very well and I was not having any issues at all. Later that same day, the same friend asked my niece how I was doing and my niece explained I was in ICU and they were trying to figure out why I was so sick and she was concerned that they were having to call in so many specialists. It is sad but some people are down right ugly.

[PainInTheAss]

She sounds like someone looking or attention...it's an emotional disorder. Sort of like the sociopath who is only concerned with something insofar as how it affects them. Someone dies, it becomes about how it upsets them, screw the person who died.

A lot of people say and do the wrong things when dealing with a friend or family member with cancer. I think in most cases they should be given a pass as they have their head in the sand or they mean well. In this case I think you should tell her to mind her own f'ing business...she's a nut

Damn, sounds like two of my kids are sociopaths! They not only haven't been supportive or helpful at all, but I have recently had several confrontations with them where I was told I am not allowed to talk about "cancer" because it makes them depressed. Really? That just sounds completely self-centered to me. And on top of that, I don't talk about "cancer." Ever. I talk about (or try to) my treatment, how I'm feeling, or what happened at my last appointment, etc. Just what's going on with me which I think a person who cared would want to know. I'm going through chemo and each infusion seems to be a little worse than the last one. I just mentioned that my hands were " tingly" to these two, and I got attacked. Sadly, I decided I need to just stay away from them until I'm done with treatment. But I plan in the future to place restrictions on what they are "allowed" to talk about (like maybe everything) so they know what it feels like! I'm so mad and disappointed right now. Thank god I have two other kids who are supportive and accepting of me and my situation. They are going with me to Vegas for my "end of treatment" celebration.

I think you should call your cousin and explain calmly how hurtful her rumors have been and ask her to kindly stop and then end the call with, "by the way, go f*** yourself." Those kind of people are appalled and outraged when THEIR feelings get hurt. Sorry, but I just find that amusing. Maybe you are a lot nicer than I am! Haha

[justin case]

Social media has a place, as long as you don't take it seriously Friends have a place, as long as you can keep them at arms length Family needs to be family, when all things really matter But the strength that comes from within yourself, is all you can depend on
Regards,
Michael

[robinkaye]

Michael...that was deep!:-)

All kidding aside, good advice...

Robin

[ASTEPHENS33]

I find that cancer somehow brings the weirdness in people. I remember when I was in active treatment, people would usually go to their own experiences with someone they knew/family member that had cancer, with the bottom line usually negative - i.e., they didn't make it. Just what I needed! I stopped telling people as much as I could and spent time on this forum, people I met through here, and local support groups. The idea of people really spreading falsehoods that aren't even positive makes me angry and its not even happening to me.

[NWgirl]

She sounds like someone looking or attention...it's an emotional disorder. Sort of like the sociopath who is only concerned with something insofar as how it affects them. Someone dies, it becomes about how it upsets them, screw the person who died.

A lot of people say and do the wrong things when dealing with a friend or family member with cancer. I think in most cases they should be given a pass as they have their head in the sand or they mean well. In this case I think you should tell her to mind her own f'ing business...she's a nut

I pretty much agree with Robin. And Michael also makes some very good points. So I guess I'm saying I have nothing to add. So sorry you have been hurt this way.

[SugarBubbie]

Michael, I wish we had a "like" button......I'd hit that sucker twenty times!! Love your response and words to live by.

[mymom]

I do not have much to add aside from the fact that she clearly needs attention. Sorry you have to deal with this crap. All I can say is try to ignore it and focus on something that matters. Do not waste your time worrying over it.

[Cherie]

She sounds like someone looking or attention...it's an emotional disorder. Sort of like the sociopath who is only concerned with something insofar as how it affects them. Someone dies, it becomes about how it upsets them, screw the person who died.

Agreed. We all know people like this. Your family will learn to ignore this person. Just know that she is probably quite lonely and in need of desperate attention.

[WifeOfMike]

SO CONFUSED...........
I have a VOODOO doll you can borrow. (I really do, it was a gift from a friend when I had boss trouble & she gave it to me as a gift years ago) Brand new in the box.
I think I will dust it off and start letting some of us use it when appropriate

THIS scenario is WHY I and more importantly HUBBY has never SHARED his illness with anyone outside of us, our 3 sons and his & my IMMEDIATE family. We told them in NO uncertain terms.... we did NOT want ANYONE ELSE TO KNOW! We do not want meddling people sticking their noses in, giving wacko advice or snake oil. We do not want people to treat him any differently, and as HE is not a talker anyway, he REALLY does not want to talk about "IT" to strangers, well meaning friends or acquaintances. ONLY exception to my rule...... Here in the BIG C Chat land, where everybody "GETS IT". and it is SAFE to let your hair down

SO FAR it has worked. I may be 5'4 and 125 lbs......... put if I growl just right & bare my teeth (my dogs taught me) everyone I know, knows I mean business when I get adamant
walk softly, BUTT carry a sequined Louisville Slugger. You can borrow it too, but I warn you its PINK

HUGS,
wife of Mike,
Vicki

[justin case]

Thanks guys, even around here some don't like my take on things. This is a good place, but sometimes I revert to rule #1.
Written with good intentions,
Michael