I can’t believe it has been 8 years (yes I did have surgery on6/6/6) since I was told don’t worry darling it’s only a cancer cell or two….everything will be fine by this time tomorrow.
Things are fine now but it took a very long time for my life to be anywhere near normal or fine.
When I look back I am shocked by how little I knew going in how uninformed and unprepared I was. Though I guess like any major life changing event you can never really understand it until you live it.
So here I am 8 years older and hopefully a little bit wiser
What have I learned you ask or maybe you didn’t but since I no longer have a filter on my mouth or my brain I will tell you.
Life is hard, it sucks at times but it is also pretty great at other times..so if the great/good times outnumber the bad then you have won.
You can stand up for yourself without being a bitch, in fact you have to stand up for yourself.
It’s ok to ask for what you want or need..it doesn’t mean you definitely will get it but if you never ask you will never get it.
It’s ok to drop people from your life if they only make you feel bad about yourself and others. This can be very difficulty with family and at work but it can be done and feels wonderful.
It’s ok to be nice to others for absolutely no reason at all, in fact it makes you feel pretty good.
I am much stronger than anyone (myself included) thought I could be.
Today I weigh less than I did on the date of my surgery, am in better shape (thanks to working our 2 – 3 times a week). I would like to lose 10 more pounds but I am not killing myself over it, this seems to be the weight my body wants and who am I to argue with it. So far all my tests have been great, I finally got rid of my anal fistula and the neuropathy is under control, every 6 months or so my pain management doc asks me to go off the meds and see if
I still need them, so far the answer is YES, after about 7 days the pain is back as bad as it was in 2007.
I am going through the long insurance process to hopefully have breast reduction surgery in the fall.
By the end of this year, I will be 50 on Dec 30 I hope to feel even better than I do today.
I want to thank everyone who has helped and encouraged me over the years, if it wasn’t for the colon club talking me into see a pain management I don’t know where I would be today. I have cheated on the club over the years but have never found as good a group of people, it’s amazing how while people drift in and out we always seem to attract such high quality compassion people….It’s kind of interesting how such a horrible disease can bring out the best in people ….or were we just great people to begin with?
For those of you just starting your cancer story I just want to say while it sucks you couldn’t have found a better place to be and it will get better. it's the only place where you can laugh about pooping in your pants and know someone else did it to.
Thanks for listening to me, can’t wait to see what the future holds for all of us.