Positive attitudes

[justin case]

I realize, people are tired of positive attitudes . When I had my colonoscopy I had 5 polyps, and ended up with a tumor in the sigmoid, and 1 in the rectum. I was given treatments that are not easy to go through, folfox, radiation, and surgery. Because I worked, and tried to have a positive attitude, my employer has given me a chance to work on state of the art equipment, new to the U. S. and I am currently being trained. If an employer can trust in a cancer survivor to this magnitude, why are people so down on a positive attitude
Regards,
Michael

[nitebreez]

...because it may get a little harder to have when you're stage III or stage IV?
And congradulations on that equiptment,...sounds complicated.

EDIT: I must explain that MOST of the time I really do try and keep a positive attitude (especially around family members). But I must admit that there are those little times I succumb to less than ideal attitudes.

[raym]

Having a positive attitude is great, and I try to radiate one the best I can. What I (we?) grow tired of is saying that the positive attitude will cure you or help your. Sure it can help get through things, but I'm not convinced it will make me better. I get similar remarks at work; people are amazed that I am there full time and pretty much getting things done as I always have, especially through chemo. So I agree it can help in a number of ways. I do get perplexed when people tell me what an inspiration I am, I really don't try to do anything extra-ordinary from my viewpoint..but I guess my attitude shines through. (but there are dark times as well).

But...look at many of the signatures here..many of us have had one setback after another with this disease. One step forward, two steps back. So it's all about perspective.

[Voxx66]

Here are my issues:

First off I don't want cancer to change the person I am and a positive attitude would be a change. Ha and double Ha.

Secondly, If I am optimistic and expect the best then I am often disappointed. On the off chance something good happens, I expected it so it isn't as big of a deal. If I expect the worst, I am rarely disappointed but on the rare occasions I am surprised, I am overjoyed.

Oh and grats on working with new equipment. I'd love to hear more about it either here or in a pm. But don't expect me to be happiness and sunshine ha.

[kiwiinoz]

Michael
Congrats about the new chance and the great opportunity. I think life is what you make of it and the old story of you reap what you sow. I'm with Ray in that the positive attitude means nothing in relation to the disease, but it is everything to how you live with the disease. You could have slacked off and taken the easy "poor me" option and let the disease determine what you can do but you chose to carry on being true to who you are and living the life that you wanted. Your employer probably doesn't see this as anything to do with cancer (bet they 100% consider you "cured" so it is no issue for them) and the decision is based on your attitude irrespective of cancer.

Ray, I agree in that you just have to live your life as you want to live it. You want to work, and do a good job as part of a team. Does having cancer change that? Not really in my opinion and the good attitude is all to do with living your life with the disease. At some point we are all going to get to the point where we can't do that but why move ourselves to that point before we need to.

Voxx,
Now that is attitude. Always find your posts amusing but I think the attitude you give off is one of more realistic reality than a "bad attitude". I always try to limit my expectations to avoid disappointment. Anything better than that worst case scenario is then an added bonus and you feel like you get a lot of bonuses in life rather than the reverse. This helps foster a better attitude too (like you need one huh)

Kiwi

[JDinNC]

Since being a teenager I always viewed myself as being a clown on the outside but always crying on the inside. And as I entered my adult years, I learned to face my problems with "it is what it is" because crap always happened that I couldn't control.
As for my stage 4 situation.....I'm determined to beat this or at least try living with it. Though I know what the final outcome will be. For some reason, I'm always making wisecrack comments...like "well I know I won't be around to deal with that" and so on. And everyone thinks I'm sick...well duh!!!
I hate it when they all say you're going to beat this, or you'll be fine I just know it or you have such a positive attitude. How about having a husband who has not once talked, discussed or even mentioned my cancer to me from day one. I feel like I have to watch what I say to friends if he's within ear shot. All he will say is why are you so negative when you're cancer free..because I know it won't be for long. I'm always searching for new cancer information and he keeps telling me to stop.

Do I feel like I was cheated out of my life..you betcha. Before my dad died, I promised him I would care for my mom if anything were to happen. In the winter of 1996, my uncle died and my aunt was put in the hospital with pneumonia. Since they had no children and I lived near them I became her caregiver. She was in her mid 90,s but was sharp as a tack. I had to move her from her apartment into Assisted living, where I would visit everyday on my way home from work. In the winter of 1997, my dad died. I was living in So. Florida and they were living in central Fla.. He was in a coma for four week and I drove up there every weekend to see him and to help mom. Little did I realize she was in the early stages of Alzheimer and when my dad passed we knew mom couldn't stay alone. So we moved her down by us. For the next 4 years, I took care of my mom and Aunt, visiting with them after work, going to doctor appointments, shopping, making necessary phone calls, all while driving an hour to work five days a week plus trying to keep my husband happy. My aunt died in 2001, and I had to deal with her arrangements and personal belongs. Mom was slowly getting more confused and wasn't taking her medicines, meaning more doctor appointments and taking off from work. Finally in 2004, I quit work and moved her in with us. Her personality completely changed becoming totally confused as to who I even was, thinking she was living in a hotel and my husband was the help. In 2005, my husband retired and we moved to North Carolina, where we put her in a assisted living. I spent the next 5 years, being the best daughter I could. Going over and having dinner with her, taking her to the doctors, being a helper during their field trips. Until it got to the point where she didn't even know who I was anymore. In 2010' she passed away. There's so much more details I could write about but it wouldn't make any different regarding my situation. I made my promise to my dad and I would do it again. Was I stressed..on the outside I felt I was handling everything well.. On the inside, I must have been tearing up inside. It was 14 years of love and devotion to my mom. And now that it my turn to live my life again, I'm dealt the death hand. You always read about how caregivers are at health risk...well I've became an example.

Do I have a positive attitude...all I can say...I have a picture of my parents on my wall, which I always ask for their help and guidance, a cross by my bed, a good luck voodoo doll from a friend made from the power of water, wind, earth and fire, healing stones above my head, a lot of hope and praying and my 6 dogs who all sleeps around my bed every night. Is there anything else out there I'm missing??

I'm so sorry for venting..I finally had to let it all out... my husband doesn't want to hear anything and my friends feel uneasy when I try to talk about it.

Thank you,

Jan

[skypup]

You wrote: "I realize, people are tired of positive attitudes ."

It seems to me that the majority of posts do indeed exhibit and embrace a positive attitude. For example, we have a number of stage IV folks who manage to wake up looking at the good side of each day despite facing difficult issues from advanced disease and its treatments. A read of the mCRC thread shows me great positive spirit in the midst of much challenge. There is, perhaps, a difference between being tired of positive attitudes and not wanting to "blow smoke".

Here is what I find positive: that people can find the strength and spirit to love life and show up in support of others even when their own lives may be difficult. What else is positive? That a great number of people do beat this disease. Another positive: that so many who aren't going to beat CRC are very happy that others will. Have you noticed how often stage IV people respond with a congratulatory reply to posts that celebrate a success? One person's victory is all of ours.

[Bev G]

You wrote: "I realize, people are tired of positive attitudes ."

It seems to me that the majority of posts do indeed exhibit and embrace a positive attitude. For example, we have a number of stage IV folks who manage to wake up looking at the good side of each day despite facing difficult issues from advanced disease and its treatments. A read of the mCRC thread shows me great positive spirit in the midst of much challenge. There is, perhaps, a difference between being tired of positive attitudes and not wanting to "blow smoke".

Here is what I find positive: that people can find the strength and spirit to love life and show up in support of others even when their own lives may be difficult. What else is positive? That a great number of people do beat this disease. Another positive: that so many who aren't going to beat CRC are very happy that others will. Have you noticed how often stage IV people respond with a congratulatory reply to posts that celebrate a success? One person's victory is all of ours.

[Coppercent]

I honestly think having a positive attitude is what has gotten me through the last few years. My philosophy in life is that things can always be worse and to appreciate what I have today. Yesterday is gone and no one is promised tomorrow. I get up in the morning and decide to make the day the best day because it could be my last. I drive through highway construction for an hour to get to work everyday which is more dangerous than the cancer. No one ever really knows when the end will be. I was diagnosed stage III and had a recurrence. Depending on who you talk to I am either a stage III because staging doesn't change or a stage IV because things have changed. To me those are just numbers and it doesn't matter. I, II, III, IV it is what it is. I have seen people with stage II get worse in no time and die and people with stage IV living for 20 years. Cancer is cancer no one stage is better than the other.
The most interesting thing to me is that since I stay positive and don't dwell on my cancer, people really do think I am cured and that cancer is not even an issue any more. Life has moved on with a few schedule changes. Which honestly, I like. Recently, I changed jobs and I have chosen to keep cancer out of the conversations. No one needs to know why I am taking off of work. Heck, most of my co-workers call off sick more than I do and they don't have cancer. Or maybe they do and are just not discussing it.
My oncologist was big into exercising and staying of the couch. Did I stay off the couch because I had a positive attitude or did the exercise help me keep a positive attitude? Either way, I keep active and keep my life on the same schedule I did pre-cancer. Although with my new job I am working longer hours but that is because I love my job! So for me, a positive attitude helped but we are all different.

[JDinNC]

I'm trying to stay positive by doing the things I enjoy. I was never a go to the gym type of person but my passion for renovating has always kept me in shape. Months before I was diagnosed, I decided to buy an old turn of the century cabin. The best way to describe it is to remember the cabin Jed Clampett lived in before they became rich. This old cabin is tucked away in the woods near where I live. It doesn't even have a kitchen or bathroom. I can walk there in 15 minutes so there's my daily exercise. At the moment, I'm tearing down the ceiling and walls...and dreaming of ways to turn this place into a cute country cottage. All of this thinking has helped to keep my cancer pushed back into the deep corners of my mind.
I decided to follow though with my plans even after learning of my cancer. I kept hearing that one should continue to do the things that they enjoy in order to keep a healthy body and mind. Since finishing chemo at the end of Feb., my body has gotten stronger and I'm happy to say I feel as good as I did before my DX.

I'll be having my first three month check up along with my follow up colonoscopy , in two weeks. Yes, I'm nervous about this since I have been having aches and pains in my body at times. As Coppercent mentioned, I've read everyone stats and it doesn't seem to matter at what stage you're at, each person's body is different. A person with stage 2 or 3 could be having more problems then someone with stage 4. Even at the age of 61 when I was Dx, I was healthy and strong with no medical problems or medications. I hope all of this will mean a continual NED for me...though I'm also realistic about my situation.
In any case, this cabin will be my legacy to my son. I told my husband to sell the cabin if anything were to happen to me and give the money to him for his family.

So with hammer and crowbar in hand..I continue on.

Jan

[skypup]

I'm trying to stay positive by doing the things I enjoy. I was never a go to the gym type of person but my passion for renovating has always kept me in shape. Months before I was diagnosed, I decided to buy an old turn of the century cabin. The best way to describe it is to remember the cabin Jed Clampett lived in before they became rich. This old cabin is tucked away in the woods near where I live. It doesn't even have a kitchen or bathroom.

So with hammer and crowbar in hand..I continue on.

Jan

That is soooo cool!!!!!

[juliej]

I'm trying to stay positive by doing the things I enjoy.

Agree. I run, hike, and climb mountains even though I've had double lung surgery. Climbing a mountain after a lung resection is a brave, ridiculous act of endurance and hope and derring-do and personal triumph. It makes me proud. It makes my thoracic surgeon proud. Every time I reach a summit, I feel like I'm giving cancer the finger.

Months before I was diagnosed, I decided to buy an old turn of the century cabin. The best way to describe it is to remember the cabin Jed Clampett lived in before they became rich. This old cabin is tucked away in the woods near where I live. It doesn't even have a kitchen or bathroom. I can walk there in 15 minutes so there's my daily exercise.

That is so cool, Jan. Makes me want to be Elly May and make friends with the critters around your cabin!

[KWT]

I love a positive attitude, I wish I had one

I'm working on it.

[CRguy]

I'm working on it.

.....THERE ... ya' see, you are on the right track already !!!

Cheers bro'
CRguy

[pfCml73183]

I, for one, am tired of people saying my husband needs to have a positive attitude. I think many days he IS TOO TIRED to have a pleasant attitude. He is weak, scared, drugged and STILL he has PAIN!
It is unfair to judge others. They are the way they are for reasons only they can understand. I am pretty sure stage 4 survivors use their energies as best they can. I know my husband does his best. If that is not good enough for others...TOO BAD.