NEW THREAD FOR LOVED ONES LEFT BEHIND ONGOING

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recruiter
Posts: 77
Joined: Thu Feb 11, 2016 12:01 pm
Facebook Username: Bill Wilson

Re: NEW THREAD FOR LOVED ONES LEFT BEHIND ONGOING

Postby recruiter » Thu Mar 09, 2017 3:32 pm

My rectal cancer diagnosis, on Jan. 29, 2016, was the beginning of the end for my beloved mother, who died May 13, less than a month before her 90th birthday.

Mom lived with me for several years, as her mobility waned, so I could keep an eye on her. She took the diagnosis very hard, telling me, "I don't know what I'd do without you," and it started her health decline. As a result, I can't help but feel like this damn disease robbed me of my best friend, along with my health.

I have waded through a lot of guilt as a result. On New Year's Eve, I told her, "Remember how you said you didn't know what you'd do without me? Now, I'm trying to figure out how to go on without you."

Some counselors have told me, though, to remember the totality of our wonderful relationship, and that I became "stuck" in the end. It's good advice.
DX Stage 4 2/16 with lung mets
4/16 CT, PET show "marked improvement" in size and number of lung mets, rectal tumor.
8/16 "Great report" from scans, lung mets continue to shrink in size and number, CEA 1.6, cancer "in remission" but surgeon believes tumor remains too large.
10/16 Xrays for constipation problems reveal tumor occupies 25 percent of rectal canal: Occupied 80 percent upon diagnosis 2/16
12/16 Back on Avastin; tumor can be removed, but need better margins.

Mojo
Posts: 729
Joined: Sat Mar 26, 2011 1:43 pm

Re: NEW THREAD FOR LOVED ONES LEFT BEHIND ONGOING

Postby Mojo » Thu Mar 09, 2017 4:59 pm

Hi Lee.
Recruiter , I am sorry to hear about your mothers passing. It doesn't matter how old they are it's still such a kick in the gut. It takes a while but you start to remember the good times rather than the sad times. Once in a great while you'll still get moments they can knock you low. It's been five years and three months since my husband died and I'm surprised that I did as well as I did. I think I'm just an ornery old woman! Lol. Still working full-time I did go from Nightshift to dayshift. I work eight hour shifts rather than 12 hour shift but I am 63 years old. Couple more years and I'm going to retire, we had some plans which will never see happen but I am going to try to go on the rest of my life, and live it with happiness, because he wanted to live so badly. I can't not love every day . Because he fought for every day. Stay strong everybody we will get through this. Big hugs from Mojo a.k.a. Sharon
colon cancer stage 3 2n0mets 2002
cancer returns march 2010
emerg brain surgery, chemo may 2010 sterotactic radiation april 2010

progression of tumors march 2011 new chemo camptosar leukovorin 5fu avastin
Kenny age 58/died 11/21/11

Lee
Posts: 5076
Joined: Sun Apr 16, 2006 4:09 pm

Re: NEW THREAD FOR LOVED ONES LEFT BEHIND ONGOING

Postby Lee » Fri Mar 10, 2017 7:41 pm

Mojo wrote:Hi Lee.


Hi Sharon. Right back at ya :D

Lee
rectal cancer - April 2004
46 yrs old at diagnoses
stage III C - 6/13 lymph positive
radiation - 6 weeks
surgery - August 2004/hernia repair 2014
permanent colostomy
chemo - FOLFOX
NED - 10 years and counting!

bitchslapped
Posts: 1292
Joined: Tue Sep 09, 2014 3:23 pm
Location: PNW/USA

Re: NEW THREAD FOR LOVED ONES LEFT BEHIND ONGOING

Postby bitchslapped » Sat Mar 11, 2017 2:59 pm

Recruiter, Your story reminds me of my own relationship w/my DM. Yes, no denying your dx took a toll on your DM. How could it not? It w/n have been possible to have such a wonderful relationship otherwise. Your DM wanted to go first, believe me, as no parent wants to bury their children. It is not the natural order of things. She was spared the biggest heartache ever for a parent. Save your guilt for things you can control, & a mother's love is not one of them. You are now wearing the pain so she doesn't have to. You were a huge comfort, providing a "safe place" for your mom to live. Please don't underestimate what you gave her during her more vulnerable years. I did the same. There is always a certain amount of guilt a caregiver can't easily shake, b/c let's face it; the could of, would of, should of's lurk in our minds & hearts when a loved one dies on our watch. But this I know: They would rather live in a shack w/their family than a castle of strangers.

Your story is heartwarming, really. Extending heartfelt condolences to you for the loss of your beloved mother.

Best Wishes
BS
DSS,35YO,unresect mCRC DX 7/'14,lvr,LN,peri,rib
FOLFOX+Avstn 4 Rnds d/c 10/'14
Stent 9/'14
FOLFIRI+Avstn 10/'14
Gone From My Sight 2/20/15
Me:garden variety polyps + precancerous polyp
Carergver x2 DH,DM dbl occupancy,'03-'10
DH dx 47YO mCRC,'04-'07 fried x HAI
DM dx CC 85YO,CC,CHF,stroke,dementia,aphasia

ronswife
Posts: 141
Joined: Mon Apr 25, 2016 12:25 am

Re: NEW THREAD FOR LOVED ONES LEFT BEHIND ONGOING

Postby ronswife » Sun May 14, 2017 7:52 pm

Hello,

I am new to this thread. My husband Ron passed away on 12/29/16.

I am slowly healing from deep grief and want to join in the conversation for ideas on how to better manage during this time.

Thanks a lot everyone!

And Happy Mother's Day to all!

:)
Husband Ron diagnosed with stage 4 colon cancer on 3/15/16, right after first colonoscopy at age 68. Had surgery to remove tumor on 3/31/16. Many mets on top and bottom of liver that are not resectable. Started chemo 4/28/16 using Fluorouracil (5-FU) and Irinotecan. Started Erbitux 5/26 on third chemo. Had very good results on 7/14 CT scan!! Treated with Avastin and Capecitabine 8/4/16. CT on 10/18 showed cancer growth. Now on FOLFOX. Placed in Hospice in early December and passed away 12/29/16.

Lee
Posts: 5076
Joined: Sun Apr 16, 2006 4:09 pm

Re: NEW THREAD FOR LOVED ONES LEFT BEHIND ONGOING

Postby Lee » Sun May 14, 2017 8:04 pm

ronswife, Happy Mother's Day to you too.

While I did not lose a spouse, I did lose a parent at an early age. I so feel your pain.

God be with you,

(((Ronswife)))

Lee
rectal cancer - April 2004
46 yrs old at diagnoses
stage III C - 6/13 lymph positive
radiation - 6 weeks
surgery - August 2004/hernia repair 2014
permanent colostomy
chemo - FOLFOX
NED - 10 years and counting!

Jacques
Posts: 408
Joined: Sun Dec 28, 2014 10:38 am

Re: NEW THREAD FOR LOVED ONES LEFT BEHIND ONGOING

Postby Jacques » Mon May 15, 2017 11:38 am

ronswife wrote:Hello,

I am new to this thread. My husband Ron passed away on 12/29/16.

I am slowly healing from deep grief and want to join in the conversation for ideas on how to better manage during this time.

Thanks a lot everyone!

And Happy Mother's Day to all!

:)


ronswife - You might want to check the post below. It mentions a website for widows and widowers that some caregivers have found helpful:

http://coloncancersupport.colonclub.com/viewtopic.php?f=1&t=45200&p=326781#p326688
DX(2012): RC
Stage IIc,T4b N0 M0 L0 PN1 H0 D0 P0 I1
LAR
MSI: not tested
Chimio-radiothérapie
Chimiothérapie adjuvante : capécitabine + oxaliplatine
CEA < 1.0,
5 years NED,
End of 6-month follow-ups: 7/2017
----
Info links:
Create Your Signature
How to Select a Surgeon
List of Forum Features
Colorectal Cancer Stages (TNM)

ronswife
Posts: 141
Joined: Mon Apr 25, 2016 12:25 am

Re: NEW THREAD FOR LOVED ONES LEFT BEHIND ONGOING

Postby ronswife » Mon May 15, 2017 12:04 pm

Thanks much Jacques!

:)
Husband Ron diagnosed with stage 4 colon cancer on 3/15/16, right after first colonoscopy at age 68. Had surgery to remove tumor on 3/31/16. Many mets on top and bottom of liver that are not resectable. Started chemo 4/28/16 using Fluorouracil (5-FU) and Irinotecan. Started Erbitux 5/26 on third chemo. Had very good results on 7/14 CT scan!! Treated with Avastin and Capecitabine 8/4/16. CT on 10/18 showed cancer growth. Now on FOLFOX. Placed in Hospice in early December and passed away 12/29/16.

Regan
Posts: 248
Joined: Sun Mar 02, 2014 11:58 pm

Re: NEW THREAD FOR LOVED ONES LEFT BEHIND ONGOING

Postby Regan » Thu Jun 01, 2017 1:51 pm

OMG!!!
I remember all of you who haosted! I followed your journey and many others. . .Skypuppy, Kennytwiste, Queen Gwen, and so many others.
below is a post I made on another thread.

Hi Everyone
So many new people on here since I was such an avid reader/researcher and supporter.

My husband died last August 10, 2016. He said to me -- four days after being diagnosed with Stage IV Rectal -- "Don't give up on me honey, I'm gonna beat this thing"

Well, he gave it a heroic effort and made it four years. Four years of hell. But, he finally succumbed but not from the cancer. The torture of the treatments messed his internal organs up so much that he ended up starving to death. So, he didn't let the cancer get him--in a sickening sort of thought.

I know this is a very depressing message. Just wanted to reach out. I am not handling this well. We met when I was 11, dated at 14, and married at 16. I had 41 splendid years with him. I cannot get over how such a precious man (who worshiped the ground I walked on) could be tortured and die in such a fashion.

I am an agnostic, so belief in a higher power does not help me. Meds dont seem to help. My family is begging me to get professional help, but I am balking. I cant believe talking to a complete (paid) stranger can help me by talking.

Has anyone reached out to a professional??
DH dx 7/12
Stg IV RC liver mets
11/12 Hrt Attk by Folfox
1/13 Liver resct
4/13 LAR-Temp
NED
1/14 revrsal
4/14 Hrnia surg 4/14
1/15 local recur, liver, lung, aortocaval region of retroperitoneum, anterior wall of distal abdominal aorta
2/15 Irinotecan
1/16 Lonsurf (fail--just zapped. Strength)
Aug 10, 2016 at rest

ronswife
Posts: 141
Joined: Mon Apr 25, 2016 12:25 am

Re: NEW THREAD FOR LOVED ONES LEFT BEHIND ONGOING

Postby ronswife » Thu Jun 01, 2017 5:50 pm

Hi Regan'

I totally understand your feelings! I lost my beloved Ron on 12/29/16.

I pray you can soon get some help overcome your depression.

Hugs & Prayers!

Candy
:(
Husband Ron diagnosed with stage 4 colon cancer on 3/15/16, right after first colonoscopy at age 68. Had surgery to remove tumor on 3/31/16. Many mets on top and bottom of liver that are not resectable. Started chemo 4/28/16 using Fluorouracil (5-FU) and Irinotecan. Started Erbitux 5/26 on third chemo. Had very good results on 7/14 CT scan!! Treated with Avastin and Capecitabine 8/4/16. CT on 10/18 showed cancer growth. Now on FOLFOX. Placed in Hospice in early December and passed away 12/29/16.

Brikee
Posts: 21
Joined: Sat Oct 29, 2016 10:00 pm

Re: NEW THREAD FOR LOVED ONES LEFT BEHIND ONGOING

Postby Brikee » Thu Jun 01, 2017 9:42 pm

I stopped by the forum to see how things were going. My husband passed away on jan 23 2017.

Regan - if you don't want to pay for help then please reach out to your local hospital or the one that treated your husband to see if they have any bereavement groups. I just started attending one and it has been a big help. The one I see was specific for spouses who have lost a loved one. I'm very sorry to hear about your loss. The Lord gave me 7 wonderful years with my husband. I feel really blessed to have that time with him. I wish I had more but there are other plans for him. I hope you will find some peace. My relationship with Jesus and God has really helped me through these past few weeks.
Hubby DX CC IV 7/15/16 - primary 6cm (mets to peri, liver, lungs) 36yo. BRAF mutation.
Folfox. 9x (7/22 – 11/3)
Neulasta 7x (9/10- 12/29)
Folfox + Irinotecan (folirinox) 1x(11/17)
IVC Filter, Endo 1cm ulcer stomach (11/25)
Folfirinox 1x(12/1)
Tenkoff (12/9)
5FU + Panitumumab (Vectibix) (12/15)
CEA: 958 (7/21), 186 (11/17), 252 (12/1), 337 (12/29)
Last CT: 10/27, two sm nodes in lung decr in half. 2 nodes prev in liver, 1 decreased, 1 not vis.
Joined Lord @ 1/23

ronswife
Posts: 141
Joined: Mon Apr 25, 2016 12:25 am

Re: NEW THREAD FOR LOVED ONES LEFT BEHIND ONGOING

Postby ronswife » Fri Jun 02, 2017 9:45 am

Wonderful post Bryce!
:)
Husband Ron diagnosed with stage 4 colon cancer on 3/15/16, right after first colonoscopy at age 68. Had surgery to remove tumor on 3/31/16. Many mets on top and bottom of liver that are not resectable. Started chemo 4/28/16 using Fluorouracil (5-FU) and Irinotecan. Started Erbitux 5/26 on third chemo. Had very good results on 7/14 CT scan!! Treated with Avastin and Capecitabine 8/4/16. CT on 10/18 showed cancer growth. Now on FOLFOX. Placed in Hospice in early December and passed away 12/29/16.

User avatar
Sharon Brent
Posts: 288
Joined: Mon Oct 06, 2014 5:19 am
Location: London England

Re: NEW THREAD FOR LOVED ONES LEFT BEHIND ONGOING

Postby Sharon Brent » Mon Jun 05, 2017 8:17 pm

Hi Regan,

I to lost my Husband on 15/11/2014 but it still at raw as if it was yerserday, our girls where only 1 and 5.

To be honest I never seeked out Professional help but instead found great comfort in a friend I became close to while my husband was sick and now we are Best friends.

In my case it wasn't the fact of having professional help or not but the ability to have someone who I could be open and honest with, and not feel judged or pushed into doing things, or Grieve in a manner that other people wanted me to.

She was and still is the reason I was able to try and find the strength to go on without my beloved husband of 20 years.

What I'm saying is, you do what's right for you, either professional help or not, but the most important thing is to talk, let out your grief, anger, dismay or whatever you have inside, don't bottle it up, take time to express everything inside.

In my case in my case I built a 20 foot tree house in my back garden, repainted, redecorated, dismantled the tree house as it didn't have planning permission :shock:
Took up Tae Kwon Do again, went to the Gym etc you get my point?

But I spent the past 2 and a half years not keeping anything inside and at the same time making sure my two girls didn't miss out.

Yes of course I also had bouts of depression and uncontrollably crying but in the end it all helped me.

Sorry it's a bit of a long post, but please express yourself how you want, you will feel a part of the burden slowly lift.

I hope this helps

Love Piyagarn
DH, 47yo, Dx Stg IV, mCRC, lvr, lng 1/14, Tx Capeciabine 9 rnds
Children 5 & 1
DH 48th Birthday 6 November in Hospital
Home palliative care on 12 November 2014
Called back to Jesus 4pm 15 November 2014
Life Celebration in Nigeria 8 January 2015

Lee
Posts: 5076
Joined: Sun Apr 16, 2006 4:09 pm

Re: NEW THREAD FOR LOVED ONES LEFT BEHIND ONGOING

Postby Lee » Mon Jun 05, 2017 8:43 pm

Sharon Brent wrote:In my case in my case I built a 20 foot tree house in my back garden, repainted, redecorated, dismantled the tree house as it didn't have planning permission :shock:
Took up Tae Kwon Do again, went to the Gym etc you get my point?

Love Piyagarn


Okay, this comment put a smile on my face. We spent a few years in Atlanta, GA. Been at the house a few months, come home one day and someone mowed the lawn, in front and back yard. Really I was gonna do it later in week, didn't think it was that bad yet. A few hrs later, my neighbor came over to say it was her. Sometimes she had to take care of her parents for several day. Frustration would build, she found mowing her lawn to be therapy and cheaper than a therapist. Sometimes one lawn was not enough. Would we be offended if she moved our lawn here and there. My response, be my guest, ANYTIME you want.

At least once, she mowed her lawn, our lawn and at least one other lawn, sometime more. She was concerned if neighbors were offended. Told her, tell them what you told us, I'm sure they will be HAPPY to accommodate her ANYTIME you want to move the lawn.

In time, I found she was right, pick a topic and go. Had to stop when I was diagnosed, Onc said being out in the sun was a bad idea for awhile her in Arizona.

Lee
rectal cancer - April 2004
46 yrs old at diagnoses
stage III C - 6/13 lymph positive
radiation - 6 weeks
surgery - August 2004/hernia repair 2014
permanent colostomy
chemo - FOLFOX
NED - 10 years and counting!

justin case
Posts: 4180
Joined: Sun Sep 04, 2011 8:26 am
Location: Katy, Texas

Re: NEW THREAD FOR LOVED ONES LEFT BEHIND ONGOING

Postby justin case » Tue Jun 06, 2017 6:05 pm

Lee wrote:
Sharon Brent wrote:In my case in my case I built a 20 foot tree house in my back garden, repainted, redecorated, dismantled the tree house as it didn't have planning permission :shock:
Took up Tae Kwon Do again, went to the Gym etc you get my point?

Love Piyagarn


Okay, this comment put a smile on my face. We spent a few years in Atlanta, GA. Been at the house a few months, come home one day and someone mowed the lawn, in front and back yard. Really I was gonna do it later in week, didn't think it was that bad yet. A few hrs later, my neighbor came over to say it was her. Sometimes she had to take care of her parents for several day. Frustration would build, she found mowing her lawn to be therapy and cheaper than a therapist. Sometimes one lawn was not enough. Would we be offended if she moved our lawn here and there. My response, be my guest, ANYTIME you want.

At least once, she mowed her lawn, our lawn and at least one other lawn, sometime more. She was concerned if neighbors were offended. Told her, tell them what you told us, I'm sure they will be HAPPY to accommodate her ANYTIME you want to move the lawn.

In time, I found she was right, pick a topic and go. Had to stop when I was diagnosed, Onc said being out in the sun was a bad idea for awhile her in Arizona.

Lee

Ha! 8) 8) 8) 8) 8)
7/11 diagnosed Stage 2 colon and rectal cancer
chemo/rad
lar/temp ilio
Reversal & port removal
21 round of chemo Folfox 9tx, 5fu 12 tx
Last treatment July 2012


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