NEW THREAD FOR LOVED ONES LEFT BEHIND ONGOING

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bitchslapped
Posts: 1295
Joined: Tue Sep 09, 2014 3:23 pm
Location: PNW/USA

Re: NEW THREAD FOR LOVED ONES LEFT BEHIND ONGOING

Postby bitchslapped » Mon Oct 12, 2015 1:23 pm

Thanks Kathleen. Looks like you recently passed your year of "firsts". We just know it's part of the deal on this planet. We don't call the shots & struggle through little by little.
Exaussie, I know all about dementia & it is heartbreaking, especially cruel for one's memories, identity to be stolen. I took care of my mother in my home who was on two medications part of the time to slow the progression down. How very difficult this must have been for you. I hope you found some enjoyment during your trip back home.

Best Wishes
BS
DSS,35YO,unresect mCRC DX 7/'14,lvr,LN,peri,rib
FOLFOX+Avstn 4 Rnds d/c 10/'14
Stent 9/'14
FOLFIRI+Avstn 10/'14
Gone From My Sight 2/20/15
Me:garden variety polyps + precancerous polyp
Carergver x2 DH,DM dbl occupancy,'03-'10
DH dx 47YO mCRC,'04-'07 fried x HAI
DM dx CC 85YO,CC,CHF,stroke,dementia,aphasia

pfCml73183
Posts: 653
Joined: Sat Jun 22, 2013 7:49 pm
Facebook Username: Celeste Marie Comeau
Location: FL

Re: NEW THREAD FOR LOVED ONES LEFT BEHIND ONGOING

Postby pfCml73183 » Sat Oct 24, 2015 4:50 am

I am thinking about everyone and hoping you are doing as well as possible.
I still can't believe Pete is gone and I get this sharp pain in my heart everytime I realize he is not coming back to me.It catches my breath and never seems to dull.
Celeste
Wife and BF to Peter, 54
mCRC/IV/BRAF+
Erbitux and Urelumab trial @MSKCC 3/15
went home 5/8/15

bitchslapped
Posts: 1295
Joined: Tue Sep 09, 2014 3:23 pm
Location: PNW/USA

Re: NEW THREAD FOR LOVED ONES LEFT BEHIND ONGOING

Postby bitchslapped » Tue Oct 27, 2015 1:29 pm

Yes, Celeste, it is hard to fathom & fill that empty space that was theirs & theirs alone. It's too soon yet to accept & process all that has happened.

Best to you

BS
DSS,35YO,unresect mCRC DX 7/'14,lvr,LN,peri,rib
FOLFOX+Avstn 4 Rnds d/c 10/'14
Stent 9/'14
FOLFIRI+Avstn 10/'14
Gone From My Sight 2/20/15
Me:garden variety polyps + precancerous polyp
Carergver x2 DH,DM dbl occupancy,'03-'10
DH dx 47YO mCRC,'04-'07 fried x HAI
DM dx CC 85YO,CC,CHF,stroke,dementia,aphasia

Val*pal
Posts: 860
Joined: Sun Feb 10, 2013 1:24 pm
Facebook Username: Valerie Barkus Kantner
Location: Metro Detroit, Michigan

Re: NEW THREAD FOR LOVED ONES LEFT BEHIND ONGOING

Postby Val*pal » Fri Nov 06, 2015 7:09 pm

I know there is no one typical pattern to grief, and I'm sure the pattern of grief is different for the various people you lose.

Recently, I have been feeling waves and waves of survivor's guilt. I did not feel this when my older relatives and mother passed, but I think it's because they had all lived long lives.

But with Danny, I know he was cheated out of extra years.

Also, because we were partners in his illness, I'm left alive after the grueling process of colon cancer treatment and he is gone.

I even have disturbing dreams in which he appears and seems unhappy with me.

I am moving on as everyone must, but I wonder if anyone else is feeling this guilt?
DH dx'ed May '11, age 62
Jul '11: resection Stage IV
10/11: 6 mo Folfox
8/12:thyr canc, surg/tx
2/13: peri mets
2/13: Firi/Avas
6/13: Ok
8/13: break
10/13: Lung, peri, mets
10/13: Firi/Erb
1/14: Erb Fail; spread
5/14: Tx stopped
6/20/14: At rest

User avatar
Sharon Brent
Posts: 288
Joined: Mon Oct 06, 2014 5:19 am
Location: London England

Re: NEW THREAD FOR LOVED ONES LEFT BEHIND ONGOING

Postby Sharon Brent » Sat Nov 07, 2015 3:27 am

Hi Val,

I have had these types of feeling many times before myself, the worst of them actually happened yesterday as it was Golden's Birthday, we bought a Birthday cake for him and the Girls sang happy Birthday, then my youngest who is almost 3 now, went and sat by the door waiting for Papa, I explained Papa was in Heaven and she said she knew, but Papa and Jesus where coming over for a piece of cake! I wished I could swap with him and he could be with the girls for just a while.

Most days I feel as if I didn't do enough to save him or extend his life, I didn't ask the doctors the right questions or get the right treatments, I also feel guilty and sad after everything that makes me happy, as if I should be in a suspended state of forever grieving and sadness, otherwise it's like I don't care about him anymore and I've forgotten him.

It's almost 1 year he died but everything is so fresh and raw in my mind, my whole life is quite confusing and upside down still.

The girls are more focused as they have Nursery and School and this is such a blessing for them as its a stable safe environment for them.

Grief is expressed in different ways and people deal with it differently but when someone is snatched away by Cancer or any illness it's like everybody was cheated and the anger part of the grief is much larger than usual.

I don't really have any good advise of how to cope or get through this time Val, I just wanted to share apart of my story with you and let you know you are not alone.

I hope we will in the future be able to share some happier stories

I my Love Piyagarn
DH, 47yo, Dx Stg IV, mCRC, lvr, lng 1/14, Tx Capeciabine 9 rnds
Children 5 & 1
DH 48th Birthday 6 November in Hospital
Home palliative care on 12 November 2014
Called back to Jesus 4pm 15 November 2014
Life Celebration in Nigeria 8 January 2015

bitchslapped
Posts: 1295
Joined: Tue Sep 09, 2014 3:23 pm
Location: PNW/USA

Re: NEW THREAD FOR LOVED ONES LEFT BEHIND ONGOING

Postby bitchslapped » Sat Nov 07, 2015 8:40 pm

Any time we lose someone we so desperately want to help there is a sense of failure.
I was caregiver to my mother, DH & tried to help my DSS.
With a partner, the spouse also feels cheated.
I felt guilty because my grandson is really my step grandson & my husband died a few weeks before he was born. He would have been so proud & I am here to enjoy being the grandparent to his grandchild who I love so much. So I teach him about his grandpa & pass off some of grandpa's things to him. I would much rather be sharing our grandson together.
As in all things, it passes w/time as we accept our lives as they are, but we never forget.

Best Wishes
BS
DSS,35YO,unresect mCRC DX 7/'14,lvr,LN,peri,rib
FOLFOX+Avstn 4 Rnds d/c 10/'14
Stent 9/'14
FOLFIRI+Avstn 10/'14
Gone From My Sight 2/20/15
Me:garden variety polyps + precancerous polyp
Carergver x2 DH,DM dbl occupancy,'03-'10
DH dx 47YO mCRC,'04-'07 fried x HAI
DM dx CC 85YO,CC,CHF,stroke,dementia,aphasia

Mojo
Posts: 729
Joined: Sat Mar 26, 2011 1:43 pm

Re: NEW THREAD FOR LOVED ONES LEFT BEHIND ONGOING

Postby Mojo » Tue Jan 26, 2016 12:09 am

Hi all, just checking in. It was four years in November since my husband passed. I'm still standing. Still working full time at 62. Life goes on, not the same but you find your way somehow. I think we all second guess what else we could have done. My son told me yesterday he will divorce after 20 years and the first thing I thought was coukd I have been kinder, more involved? But then I stopped myself and said its life it will happen as it will. I hope you all find peace and happiness. Sharon
colon cancer stage 3 2n0mets 2002
cancer returns march 2010
emerg brain surgery, chemo may 2010 sterotactic radiation april 2010

progression of tumors march 2011 new chemo camptosar leukovorin 5fu avastin
Kenny age 58/died 11/21/11

Lee
Posts: 5089
Joined: Sun Apr 16, 2006 4:09 pm

Re: NEW THREAD FOR LOVED ONES LEFT BEHIND ONGOING

Postby Lee » Tue Jan 31, 2017 9:34 pm

Bumping this thread back to the top. It's been awhile, butt maybe it will offer hope and help to those who have recently lost a loved one.

(((Hugs to ALL the caregivers left behind)))

Lee
rectal cancer - April 2004
46 yrs old at diagnoses
stage III C - 6/13 lymph positive
radiation - 6 weeks
surgery - August 2004/hernia repair 2014
permanent colostomy
chemo - FOLFOX
NED - 10 years and counting!

Mojo
Posts: 729
Joined: Sat Mar 26, 2011 1:43 pm

Re: NEW THREAD FOR LOVED ONES LEFT BEHIND ONGOING

Postby Mojo » Tue Jan 31, 2017 11:22 pm

Good idea Lee. It's been 5 years now for me. Good wishes to all.
colon cancer stage 3 2n0mets 2002
cancer returns march 2010
emerg brain surgery, chemo may 2010 sterotactic radiation april 2010

progression of tumors march 2011 new chemo camptosar leukovorin 5fu avastin
Kenny age 58/died 11/21/11

ronswife
Posts: 141
Joined: Mon Apr 25, 2016 12:25 am

Re: NEW THREAD FOR LOVED ONES LEFT BEHIND ONGOING

Postby ronswife » Wed Feb 01, 2017 12:36 am

Hello All,

My dear Ron passed away on 12/29/16. This past Sunday, 1/29/17, would have been his 69th birthday. He really wanted to live to reach this milestone but just couldn't.

His funeral was on 1/3/17. Still having trouble sleeping and getting back into a normal, daily routine. Also I am a self-employed CPA with a small, home-based practice and my work has really suffered too.

Hugs to All,

Candy
ronswife

:cry: :cry:
Husband Ron diagnosed with stage 4 colon cancer on 3/15/16, right after first colonoscopy at age 68. Had surgery to remove tumor on 3/31/16. Many mets on top and bottom of liver that are not resectable. Started chemo 4/28/16 using Fluorouracil (5-FU) and Irinotecan. Started Erbitux 5/26 on third chemo. Had very good results on 7/14 CT scan!! Treated with Avastin and Capecitabine 8/4/16. CT on 10/18 showed cancer growth. Now on FOLFOX. Placed in Hospice in early December and passed away 12/29/16.

Lee
Posts: 5089
Joined: Sun Apr 16, 2006 4:09 pm

Re: NEW THREAD FOR LOVED ONES LEFT BEHIND ONGOING

Postby Lee » Wed Feb 01, 2017 7:25 pm

(((Mojo))

(((Ronswife))) You are both in my thoughts and prayers,

Lee
rectal cancer - April 2004
46 yrs old at diagnoses
stage III C - 6/13 lymph positive
radiation - 6 weeks
surgery - August 2004/hernia repair 2014
permanent colostomy
chemo - FOLFOX
NED - 10 years and counting!

canadiandaughter
Posts: 672
Joined: Sun Aug 17, 2014 11:19 am

Re: NEW THREAD FOR LOVED ONES LEFT BEHIND ONGOING

Postby canadiandaughter » Wed Feb 01, 2017 8:40 pm

I am sure finding that my grief is nothing like I expected it would be. My mom has really struggled since dad passed away. One of us slept with her every night for the first two weeks then she said the nightmares stopped so she could manage, but she has not been alone yet. Her sisters came to stay to help her out. It sounds like one of them might be moving in with mom, which will be ok. Mom has NEVER lived alone and will be 79 this month. For me, things are different. When I am at my moms, I cry a lot because it feels like dad is still there. His things are around, the pictures, so many triggers. I cry a lot in the car when traveling. A song or a thought will trigger it. At work I am fine. I can escape for awhile. This month will be hard. It is dads birthday on the 28th, same day as my sons. They celebrated every year but one together, and that was because my son was away playing basketball, his 18th birthday actually. I am not sure what we can do to help my son with this very hard first. It will be hard to try and smile and celebrate for him knowing we are all missing dad so much. As I said to Lois (BS) the other day, I was so naive thinking dads age of almost 82 would make this pain easier because we were truly blessed, how dumb was I!!
DD to 81 year old father
dx 24/07/14 iv cc mets liver/lung
folifiri started 19/07/14
shrinkage of all mets
growth in the liver,started folfox/avastin 80% 13/01/16
reduced to 70% due to side effects 27/01/16
First scan on folfox shows shrinkage in lungs, but liver just stable
6 rounds of vectibix-fail. 3cm growth and new spots showing Waiting for panel recommendations
At peace January 8, 2017

bitchslapped
Posts: 1295
Joined: Tue Sep 09, 2014 3:23 pm
Location: PNW/USA

Re: NEW THREAD FOR LOVED ONES LEFT BEHIND ONGOING

Postby bitchslapped » Sat Feb 04, 2017 5:11 pm

Yes, good idea to bump this thread. It is one avenue to throw one's feelings, thoughts out there. Plenty of threads to read & identify with. It can be helpful to know that there are others who understand.

Candy, sleep disturbance + grief can certainly affect one's ability to focus, or possibly even to care. Hoping you can find purpose through your business again & lose yourself in the craziness of the tax season. Don't know how to pull it off, but you know you have to for your customers & ultimately yourself. So very tough to do. I was still caregiving for my DM @ the time I lost my DH, so I had to function for her. Wish I had some kind of magic to share.

CD, Hoping it's somewhat of a relief for you that your mom & aunt may team up. Thinking of your son's BD may be a time to break tradition in how or where you celebrate. Considering tradition is already broken for your family now & not to take away from your son, consider changing it up entirely somehow this year. Maybe keeping it neutral such as dining @ a restaurant or some other activity you normally have not done. Your dad w/b missed; no changing that, but some type of small diversion may ease things a bit. It may also be a time to honor grandpa w/everyone sharing a favorite story or memory.

Wishing peace & continued healing for all.

BS
DSS,35YO,unresect mCRC DX 7/'14,lvr,LN,peri,rib
FOLFOX+Avstn 4 Rnds d/c 10/'14
Stent 9/'14
FOLFIRI+Avstn 10/'14
Gone From My Sight 2/20/15
Me:garden variety polyps + precancerous polyp
Carergver x2 DH,DM dbl occupancy,'03-'10
DH dx 47YO mCRC,'04-'07 fried x HAI
DM dx CC 85YO,CC,CHF,stroke,dementia,aphasia

ronswife
Posts: 141
Joined: Mon Apr 25, 2016 12:25 am

Re: NEW THREAD FOR LOVED ONES LEFT BEHIND ONGOING

Postby ronswife » Sat Feb 04, 2017 8:38 pm

bitchslapped wrote:Yes, good idea to bump this thread. It is one avenue to throw one's feelings, thoughts out there. Plenty of threads to read & identify with. It can be helpful to know that there are others who understand.

Candy, sleep disturbance + grief can certainly affect one's ability to focus, or possibly even to care. Hoping you can find purpose through your business again & lose yourself in the craziness of the tax season. Don't know how to pull it off, but you know you have to for your customers & ultimately yourself. So very tough to do. I was still caregiving for my DM @ the time I lost my DH, so I had to function for her. Wish I had some kind of magic to share.

CD, Hoping it's somewhat of a relief for you that your mom & aunt may team up. Thinking of your son's BD may be a time to break tradition in how or where you celebrate. Considering tradition is already broken for your family now & not to take away from your son, consider changing it up entirely somehow this year. Maybe keeping it neutral such as dining @ a restaurant or some other activity you normally have not done. Your dad w/b missed; no changing that, but some type of small diversion may ease things a bit. It may also be a time to honor grandpa w/everyone sharing a favorite story or memory.

Wishing peace & continued healing for all.

BS


Thanks SO much bitchslapped, I will try VERY hard to follow your suggestions. I am already going to be up VERY late tonight working on an audit for tomorrow.

:D
Husband Ron diagnosed with stage 4 colon cancer on 3/15/16, right after first colonoscopy at age 68. Had surgery to remove tumor on 3/31/16. Many mets on top and bottom of liver that are not resectable. Started chemo 4/28/16 using Fluorouracil (5-FU) and Irinotecan. Started Erbitux 5/26 on third chemo. Had very good results on 7/14 CT scan!! Treated with Avastin and Capecitabine 8/4/16. CT on 10/18 showed cancer growth. Now on FOLFOX. Placed in Hospice in early December and passed away 12/29/16.

Lee
Posts: 5089
Joined: Sun Apr 16, 2006 4:09 pm

Re: NEW THREAD FOR LOVED ONES LEFT BEHIND ONGOING

Postby Lee » Wed Mar 08, 2017 7:28 pm

Bumping to top

Lee
rectal cancer - April 2004
46 yrs old at diagnoses
stage III C - 6/13 lymph positive
radiation - 6 weeks
surgery - August 2004/hernia repair 2014
permanent colostomy
chemo - FOLFOX
NED - 10 years and counting!


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