NEW THREAD FOR LOVED ONES LEFT BEHIND ONGOING

Please feel free to read, share your thoughts, your stories and connect with others!
Helen
Posts: 240
Joined: Wed Jul 11, 2012 11:50 pm
Facebook Username: helen.andersen

NEW THREAD FOR LOVED ONES LEFT BEHIND ONGOING

Postby Helen » Wed Apr 02, 2014 9:08 pm

Hello I have been a member of this board for a couple of years….I was the caregiver for my darling wife Pamala who passed December 19,2013.I received so much love and support from the board during our journey.I would like to start a thread for those of us who have lost our loved ones.Will someone please advise me if I may do so.I met so many here that helped me and I know many of us have lost our loved ones.I feel for me the thread would be useful,please advise.

Peace

~Helen
Last edited by Helen on Fri May 16, 2014 11:26 am, edited 3 times in total.
My partner of almost 18 years ***Wife as of July 1 2013***Pam was dx in Nov 2011
Stage IV advanced mCRC
Nov 2011 colostomy
Feb 2012 Folfiri
March 2012 Erbitux
May 2012 3 blood clots
June 2012 Lovenox
May 2013 FOLFOX
Dec 19 2013 My beloved was set free

User avatar
CRguy
Posts: 9281
Joined: Sun Feb 10, 2008 6:00 pm

Re: ? for those in charge

Postby CRguy » Wed Apr 02, 2014 10:54 pm

Hey Helen you absolutely should, and in fact just DID start the topic ! :mrgreen:

Many times folks choose to move on after losing a loved one, but the plain truth is that folks who have been through it often have so much to offer others just going through the same thing ... and let's face it.... sometimes would also benefit themselves from talking and sharing with others in the same position.

This forum is absolutely for support of all folks, regardless of stage on the Journey, whether patient, caregiver or loved one.

Post on people !

Cheers
CRguy
Caregiver x 3
Stage IV A rectal cancer/lung met
10 Year survivor
my life is an ongoing totally randomized UNcontrolled experiment with N=1 !
Review of my Journey so far

Helen
Posts: 240
Joined: Wed Jul 11, 2012 11:50 pm
Facebook Username: helen.andersen

Re: ? for those in charge/new thread for loved ones left beh

Postby Helen » Mon Apr 07, 2014 8:49 pm

Hi Everyone,

Today is my 51st birthday.I hope that people will come to this thread and share their experiences. I believe we all still have a lot to offer each other as so many of us have lost our loved ones.Our nephews came and spent the weekend with me and they were great.We did lots of gardening and it was so sweet they had little presents for me all weekend,the best part is they were things they knew would mean something for me.

Ok so truth is I started crying as soon as I woke up today,but as the day has progressed it has gotten a fraction easier.Since my beloved Pam passed I have been looking for one of her iPads and I found it on friday!! Today while I was looking at it I found a note that Pam had written to me in August of 2012.I would like to share it with you all because for me it was the best present I could of asked for.

Hi Helen,
Our life together has been the best adventure ever. I will always be with you wherever you are.
I love you ilove you ,I love you. But most of all I like you.
Today we went to walmart, we took the Saturn - big mistake. I think I had a mild heat stroke, whatever it was zapped me. My onc. Is always telling me to practice sun safety, now I know what she means.made it home and feel fine now, in fact I'm having a beer!
I love you HELEN GALE!

Peace and Love

~Helen

ps I will update my signature line soon
My partner of almost 18 years ***Wife as of July 1 2013***Pam was dx in Nov 2011
Stage IV advanced mCRC
Nov 2011 colostomy
Feb 2012 Folfiri
March 2012 Erbitux
May 2012 3 blood clots
June 2012 Lovenox
May 2013 FOLFOX
Dec 19 2013 My beloved was set free

User avatar
CRguy
Posts: 9281
Joined: Sun Feb 10, 2008 6:00 pm

Re: New thread for loved ones left behind

Postby CRguy » Tue Apr 08, 2014 12:34 am

Happy B-day to you Helen and so glad you found Pam's note for your birthday.

I edited the title of this topic so it is NOW officially New thread for loved ones left behind

Cheers and Harmony to you.
CRguy
Caregiver x 3
Stage IV A rectal cancer/lung met
10 Year survivor
my life is an ongoing totally randomized UNcontrolled experiment with N=1 !
Review of my Journey so far

vickitwo
Posts: 696
Joined: Thu Apr 26, 2012 9:56 am
Location: USA

Re: New thread for loved ones left behind

Postby vickitwo » Tue Apr 08, 2014 7:26 am

HAPPY BIRTHDAY HELEN !
Vicki

DH Dx 1/2012 @ age 52
stage IV CC
transverse colon,omentum, cecum,liver,lungs,L5
9 rounds of Folfox, Avastin,
5FU/Leucovorin/Avastin
radiation tx to L5 and hips
Folfiri/Zaltrap
12/13/13 Folfox/Avastin
1/4/2014 passed away @ Hospice House- age 54

Mojo
Posts: 729
Joined: Sat Mar 26, 2011 1:43 pm

Re: New thread for loved ones left behind

Postby Mojo » Tue Apr 08, 2014 7:10 pm

Happy Birthday Helen!
I lost my love Kenny nov 21, 2011. 2 years 5 months ago. I still miss him so. But I'm trying to live my life as he fought so hard for his. I'm a nurse and I do my best to show compassion for our patients fighting cancer and have used my experiences to be more supportive to patients and families.
It does get easier at least for me with time. I tend to see him as the healthy guy rather than the dying Kenny. Hugs to all. Sharon
colon cancer stage 3 2n0mets 2002
cancer returns march 2010
emerg brain surgery, chemo may 2010 sterotactic radiation april 2010

progression of tumors march 2011 new chemo camptosar leukovorin 5fu avastin
Kenny age 58/died 11/21/11

User avatar
CRguy
Posts: 9281
Joined: Sun Feb 10, 2008 6:00 pm

Re: New thread for loved ones left behind

Postby CRguy » Tue Apr 08, 2014 7:37 pm

Mojo wrote: I tend to see him as the healthy guy rather than the dying Kenny. Hugs to all. Sharon

My Mom ordered up a dozen pictures we chose for my Dad's memorial service.
We had them printed and framed, and they are all around her (their) house.
She says she "talks" to him all the time, and asked me if that was weird.

My reply was "It would be weird if you did NOT talk to Dad."

I do too, just not out loud ............ just inside my heart.

JMO.

CRguy on the Journey my friends.
Caregiver x 3
Stage IV A rectal cancer/lung met
10 Year survivor
my life is an ongoing totally randomized UNcontrolled experiment with N=1 !
Review of my Journey so far

SMR
Posts: 631
Joined: Thu Feb 16, 2012 1:20 pm

Re: New thread for loved ones left behind

Postby SMR » Tue Apr 08, 2014 8:49 pm

My husband Rick just died March 28, 2014 exactly 2 years and 5 months almost to the hour of his DX. I buried him on April 1 which was the three year anniversary of the day he asked me to marry him. Tonight is the first night I will be in our home alone as I dropped the last of my family at the airport today.
I did my best to cook myself one of his signature meals tonight. I miss him so much it is really very hard to explain. His shiva candle which lasts for seven days is about to burn out. I can't stop staring at it. I don't want the flame to go out but it will any moment now.
I have gained so much support and knowledge through this board and I do hope to be among those who stays to contribute where I can. I may need a bit of time before I can contribute in any helpful way but I hope to get there.
Much love to those suffering
DH DX 10/11 st IV unkown prmry
FFOX 12/11
HIPEC 3/12
FFOX 5/12
7/12 FFIRI
12/12 xeloda
1/13 resection
2/13 FFIRI
4/13 5FU/Avastin
9/13 recurrence, failed surgery
Abdominal fistula
11/13 gemzar, heart attack
12/13 Carbo
2/14 Radiation
3/28/2014 passed

Mojo
Posts: 729
Joined: Sat Mar 26, 2011 1:43 pm

Re: New thread for loved ones left behind

Postby Mojo » Tue Apr 08, 2014 9:01 pm

Smr, I'm praying you get through this first night. It's so hard . I keep Kenny little cap on my bed stand and touch it every night and tell him goodnight. Time does help but the pain is so keen at the beginning. GOD bless. Sharon
Cr guy. Talking to them fills a need. And I believe they hear us...
colon cancer stage 3 2n0mets 2002
cancer returns march 2010
emerg brain surgery, chemo may 2010 sterotactic radiation april 2010

progression of tumors march 2011 new chemo camptosar leukovorin 5fu avastin
Kenny age 58/died 11/21/11

janklo
Posts: 1564
Joined: Wed Mar 03, 2010 11:10 pm
Facebook Username: JanetKlostermann

Re: New thread for loved ones left behind

Postby janklo » Tue Apr 08, 2014 9:22 pm

SMR, I'm thinking of you tonight. Know that all of us Clubbers are with you in spirit. Just take it one day at a time. Keeping super busy helps me. And Ambien to sleep at night! :)
Mom to 28 yo daughter
colectomy 2/22/10, stage 3C, signet cell
7/2011 peritoneal mets
HIPEC September 2012, difficult recovery
Hospice 10/31/2012, Died 11/16/2012

User avatar
abuttigi
Posts: 669
Joined: Tue Feb 08, 2011 9:39 am
Location: SE Michigan

Re: New thread for loved ones left behind

Postby abuttigi » Tue Apr 08, 2014 9:35 pm

My reply was "It would be weird if you did NOT talk to Dad."

I do too, just not out loud ............ just inside my heart.

JMO.

CRguy on the Journey my friends.


I agree CRGuy. I talk to my dad all the time. I have two pictures framed of him and I. One of him holding me when I was around 15 months old, and one of us together at my white coat ceremony. Sometimes I sit in front of them, start crying, and just talk. I usually fall asleep soon after, and wake up feeling like he is with me. Other times when I really need guidance, I just start talking. I also keep a journal called "Dear Dad" that I talk to him in. Sometimes just writing it down helps me remember what advice my dad would have given me.

And janklo- Yes to the Ambien! I still have trouble sleeping, but less so now that I started using Melatonin. For some reason I connect a lot with you, so I'm always so glad to see you on the forum!

And Helen, Happy Birthday! Of course I'm the daughter not partner, but I felt a huge emptiness on my birthday too. My dad use to always sent me lots of math problems that equalled my age all day. He would always get me a cake, even when he was very sick. He just loved celebrating, and birthdays were an appropriate reason to do so.

Angie
Daughter to George (64)
Dx'ed Jan '11 Stage IV CC liver and peritoneum, KRAS mutant
Folfox
Folfori, Avastin
SIRT
Aug '12- progression in liver, mets to lungs
Oct '12- mets to bone, Regorafenib
Nov '12- Hospice
12/10/12- Became my beautiful angel in heaven

janklo
Posts: 1564
Joined: Wed Mar 03, 2010 11:10 pm
Facebook Username: JanetKlostermann

Re: New thread for loved ones left behind

Postby janklo » Tue Apr 08, 2014 9:52 pm

Angie, always glad to hear from you too. I feel lucky because I have Lauren's shoes, jewelry, picture frames and of course her convertible. I have all that around me and can wear it/use it every day. Helps me. Tomorrow it's gonna be 80 degrees in Omaha and I'll be driving the convertible, wearing some of Lauren's heels and driving fast with the top down. It is per her wishes and I will do it with pleasure. Then I feel her with me in the passenger seat. For real. Maybe I'll see some pennies!
Mom to 28 yo daughter
colectomy 2/22/10, stage 3C, signet cell
7/2011 peritoneal mets
HIPEC September 2012, difficult recovery
Hospice 10/31/2012, Died 11/16/2012

User avatar
abuttigi
Posts: 669
Joined: Tue Feb 08, 2011 9:39 am
Location: SE Michigan

Re: New thread for loved ones left behind

Postby abuttigi » Tue Apr 08, 2014 10:06 pm

SMR wrote:My husband Rick just died March 28, 2014 exactly 2 years and 5 months almost to the hour of his DX. I buried him on April 1 which was the three year anniversary of the day he asked me to marry him. Tonight is the first night I will be in our home alone as I dropped the last of my family at the airport today.
I did my best to cook myself one of his signature meals tonight. I miss him so much it is really very hard to explain. His shiva candle which lasts for seven days is about to burn out. I can't stop staring at it. I don't want the flame to go out but it will any moment now.
I have gained so much support and knowledge through this board and I do hope to be among those who stays to contribute where I can. I may need a bit of time before I can contribute in any helpful way but I hope to get there.
Much love to those suffering


Smr,

The first night was hard. I can't imagine what it was like for my mom once Emily and I left. She told me she uses a radio and puts it on something she doesn't understand...( So politics :lol: ) and lets that put her to sleep. I use npr too when I can't sleep, or I read a book... A funny one that has nothing to do with reality.

Thinking of you!
Daughter to George (64)
Dx'ed Jan '11 Stage IV CC liver and peritoneum, KRAS mutant
Folfox
Folfori, Avastin
SIRT
Aug '12- progression in liver, mets to lungs
Oct '12- mets to bone, Regorafenib
Nov '12- Hospice
12/10/12- Became my beautiful angel in heaven

User avatar
CRguy
Posts: 9281
Joined: Sun Feb 10, 2008 6:00 pm

Re: New thread for loved ones left behind

Postby CRguy » Tue Apr 08, 2014 10:34 pm

abuttigi wrote:Sometimes just writing it down helps me remember what advice my dad would have given me.
Angie

I tend more to just "hearing" what he said through the years ....
I play it back out again, sometimes just for me, sometimes for my kids and grandkids......

I am sure I have never built a house, fixed a car, dealt with a banker, or spent a day with my family ...........
when my father was not with me, or us, as a family.

Keep your Journal Doc and cherish it.
Mine is in my head, and then what I write out afterwards, is me keeping him here.

not sure what I am really saying right now
can't see all the keys on the keyboard .....
just that it is all good if we love and remember.

I know we all do.
love and harmony Angie
CRguy
Caregiver x 3
Stage IV A rectal cancer/lung met
10 Year survivor
my life is an ongoing totally randomized UNcontrolled experiment with N=1 !
Review of my Journey so far

skypup
Posts: 2598
Joined: Mon Dec 17, 2012 12:12 pm

Re: New thread for loved ones left behind

Postby skypup » Wed Apr 09, 2014 4:58 am

CRguy wrote:just that it is all good if we love and remember.

I lost my mom to breast cancer in 2004, and she still walks with me. I remember her laugh most of all.

Helen, thank you for starting this thread. On a self-centered note, I want to tell you how comforting it is, as one who will someday lose to this disease, that you lovely people hold space for those who have passed. Caregivers still.


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