Venting a little... and already feeling guilty for it.

[beccab1]

It’s been a while since I’ve really posted anything other than an update but today I feel like sharing some thoughts…
I have never really read the stupid things people say posts much. Mainly, it’s because I’m 100% sure that I’ve been one of those people at one time or another (probably many). I’d say that very few are gifted with the ability to always say the right thing (I know there are some because my brother’s wife is one of them ). My heart has always been in the right place so I’m not too hard on myself and don’t dwell on it when I know I’ve stuck my foot in my mouth.

Recently, there has just been one sentiment that is getting to me big time. The general “at least he’s alive or not dead” response that comes with any complaint that I have about the after affects that we are living with. I cannot sufficiently express how grateful I feel that Eric is 3.5 years cancer free. I am however very frustrated with the fact that he still suffers from anxiety, a constant battle with pain medication dependency, has to do an enema every night so he can do his job and not worry about using a customer’s bathroom for an hour, and the fact that we can’t have kids since we are out of frozen samples and IVF failed 3 times. Yes, the anxiety is improving, he’s doing better with the meds, the enemas give us a lot of freedom to plan our days and we can adopt (a lot easier said than done not to mention the costs…) Can a person just complain a little??

I’m already feeling guilty while writing this and almost feel like I should delete it. Since his diagnosis, we’ve had a wonderful trip to Europe, countless wonderful moments with friends and family, driven the entire beautiful coast of California, we’re going to Machu Picchu in May. LIFE IS GOOD!!! (still, can’t I just complain a little when I feel like it?) Really, the at least he’s not dead sentiment can apply to anyone, right? Not just cancer survivors.

I’m no expert on saying the right thing. In fact, my stepmom is going through breast cancer treatment right now and I find myself unsure of how to respond even after all that Eric and I have experienced. I do know this – I’ll never say at least you aren’t dead to anyone.

[JJ2212]

LIFE IS GOOD!!! (still, can’t I just complain a little when I feel like it?)

Hell yes you can! It's good that you recognize the good things in your life, but you're still allowed to mourn the lost opportunities or current side effects. We are human and can't always be up and looking on the bright side. Vent away!
Cancer sucks, and even as I hope to get a similar outcome to your husband, it doesn't mean that what you are going through is all sunshine and roses. Let yourself feel whatever you want and please try to avoid the guilt. It serves no purpose and is just unjustified.

A good old bitching session once in a while is good for your soul!

[michelle c]

Hi Becca,

Vent away - don't feel guilty at all. People don't understand like we do - many people just think that our lives go back to normal afterwards - huh?

I don't listen to them when they say "silly" things - many people just don't understand, but then again how could they?

All the very best to you and Eric - keep on enjoying life - it sounds like he has a great partner in you.

Just one other thing - The Cancer Council where I live does some lectures and one of them was titled "I'm scared my cancer will come back". They taped it and posted it on their website. I tried to post the link but I'm not sure how to do it. Here is the website http://www.cancerwa.asn.au/resources/ca ... er-update/ It's about the 4th one down. May or may not be helpful.

[lorrainem]

The reason we are here…we understand. No guilt in being human; life threw a huge curveball, we all melt down when we need to.
Vent away.

[kirac]

Vent. I always think it could have been worse (since we weren't stage IV), but it still sucked. It could have been better. And post cancer, you never know what's going to be difficult (right now husband is busy sitting on the toilet 20/x day). But we are thankful for where we are. But some days, I want to say "give me a break. do you know what I've been through in the last year?"

[Rheaeliza]

Please vent away, it sounds like you have every right in the book to. Death is not the only thing that we are allowed to be sad about, miserable about even. And it sounds like you guys have a very healthy appreciation for the life you have now, but sometimes you can feel robbed, angry, like the cancer has taken a lot from you unfairly because it has. And like everyone says, we all understand it here and you never have to be sorry for venting to us!!!

XOXO,
RHEA

[karguy]

Vent all you want,thats why we are here.I am stage iv and having my second recurance,fourth tumor,and just retired but one of my idiot brothers thinks I should work.I just started to walk again.You are going to have people saying stupid things all the time.Enjoy your life when you can.Just ignore the idiot people.Don't feel guilty for venting,just vent when you want,or need too..