Anticancer, by David Servan-Schreiber, MD,PhD
Chapter 9 - The Anticancer Mind pp.146-184
Chapter 10 - Defusing Fear pp185-194
• The Fear of Suffering - The Fear of Nothingness
• The Fear of Being Alone
• The Fear of Being a Burden
• The Fear of Abandoning Your Children
• The Fear of Unfinished Stories
"[In]this revised edition we must pay close attention to the mind-body connection ; especially the negative impact of prolonged feelings of helplessness and despair..."
teachpdx wrote:Hi Bev, sorry to hear you're having such a difficult time. I find Xanax to be helpful for anxiety. I did get anxiety attacks years ago and the xanax helped. Still take it when my anxiety comes back. Pot does help as well. Best of luck and you and your husband are in my prayers. Kristi
Peteswife wrote:Hallo Bev! You know me well! No introductions here!
But I will rather talk here about it than on facebook. When Peter was sick, I have a lot of panic attacks because of the uncertainties. He handled the money, he handled everything. I didn't know how to do internet banking, because he handled that. And he did that till 2 months before he passed away. I had panic attacks about how am I going to know even who to pay at the end of the month if he is not there. I couldn't take that out of his hands, because till 2 months before he passed away, he still did that, and that gave him still a sense of worthiness. He still can do something. But in my head, I knew he as getting sicker and sicker, and I need to learn stuff. But I couldn't take that away from him, till ... the day that I saw the accounts which we fetch from the postbox, was just lying there. He didn't do it anymore. Then only I realized when the cancer had spread to his meninges, that he battled to read. He couldn't do it anymore. And then I had to learn VERY VERY quickly. Thrown in at the deep end, you will learn. Believe me. Also, when you know that your paperwork is in order, you feel better. Because he had cancer over a period of 9 years, our paperwork was perfect. Different box files. Number 1, was for in case of emergency. All the documents I needed was in there. Number two the properties, number three, the cars, number 4 the children's stuff for universities, bank, etc. Number 5 policies and funeral stuff that weren't in number 1. Number 6 - everything else that was important. Those files were in the study and I knew that and when I came back from the hospital the day that he passed away, I took up file number 1. In case of emergency. And everything I needed was there. From his divorce certificate from a previous marriage, to his pension forms, certified ID's - everything I needed to let the church know, as well as the people who had to finalize the estate.
THe weekend before he went to hospital (long weekend Easter weekend last year - he was so sick, on oxygen, with no energy on full dose steroids, he was laying in bed and I lay with him in the room to be with him. Spending time with him and realizing he was very sick. I started talking to him about when he is not here anymore. He just know and realized there was not much time left. He knew, don't ask me how, but he did. And there and then we organized his funeral together. He told me which funeral services he wanted. How and where he wanted the coffin at the church. He chose what songs he wanted them to play in church. If he wanted a collage of photo's or a power point presentation. Our daughter Michelle teaches computers at school, so he chose that. Also the reason why I took a lot of photo's and specifically every time we went to the oncologist. You could see how he got worse on a monthly basis. When I took him out to the shops just to get him out of the house, not to get depressed he taught me what plastic rope to buy for the weed eater. He taught me how to backwash and rinse the swimming pool. We both knew the end was near and we handled everything gracefully for our kids's part. To keep it softer on them. In retrospect, looking back now I was on autopilot and because I knew everything was in order, I was more at peace and had no panic attacks any more and I could concentrate on him and spend quality time with him till the end. You are not certain of Steve's health, but my advice would be that you see to it that everything else is in order. That would give you a little bit more peace of mind for the future. After he passed away I was still on auto pilot. I did what I had to, finalized the estate etc., but when everything settled, I could not concentrate for long. A year after he passed I could not watch a movie till the end, of read a book. Just because of concentration that still wondered to what had happened to me and him. I survived. 17 months later I am still here, and the kids and I go on, just as we lived before. Because the paperwork was in order. I still work half day at the University, and all money matters are solved. I had to learn how to deal with it, and I had to learn quickly. But I must add, that I was seeing an Endocrinologist, and he tested everything, and he put me on medication and said we can't change my situation, but we can change how I deal with it. And that is very true. Please get something for yourself to calm yourself. You don't have to go through all this panic attacks. Lots of love Bev, you know I have great sympathy for your situation, because I went through it myself. And after all this time, I can say I don't know you, but I love you!
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