My go at a things people say that irritate me post

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Voxx66
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My go at a things people say that irritate me post

Postby Voxx66 » Mon Aug 26, 2013 2:17 pm

Ok first what doesn't bother me:

Asking how I am. Even when not sick I answer this sarcastically and being sarcastic makes me happy. Keep asking please.

Saying they are sorry. Same as above - a friend said that last night and my response was (Slight profanity edit) - you bastard - you're sorry? You mean you did this to me? Sorry doesn't cut it. come here and let me show you how I really feel.

Saying if there is anything I can do - some people mean this - some don't - I mentally note it because if the situation ever arises they may be surprised that I call the chip in - also answered last night - well you can go home and come upwith a cure for this. Not too much to ask I hope

And the pissy list:

I know people that cannabis oil helped/ a raw diet/ insert your holistic idea here - also Chemo is poison followed by some sort of big pharma rant. - Just don't. Please.

Have you heard of FOLFOX? (or any other basic chemo drug) - do I look like I have never used Google? I've researched everything I can possibly can but somehow forgot to even look at wiki.

Stories about someone else who had cancer - of a different type - probably over a decade ago - oh and the story probably doesn't end well. -- please people I can't be sarcastic about this sort of tale so this really gives me no satisfaction.

Hey - I know a guy you should call who had cancer and beat it (Usually this involves the holistic deal mentioned above) - this is followed by asking me everytime we meet - have you called that guy yet? --Dude - I'm sorry but remember I have much less left to lose than before. Don't tempt me especially if I am holding a sharp object.

I'm sure I'll think of more.
DX and resect 10/2012 age 46
Stage IIa CRC
liver mets both lobes 8/2013
CEA 28
FOLFOX + Avastin 8/26/13 3 rounds
Folfox only 3 rds + rd 8
platelets low round 7,9,10 5FU only
1/14 CEA 1.0 y90
5fu
10/14 mets lung and peri
1/15 Folfiri

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BrownBagger
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Re: My go at a things people say that irritate me post

Postby BrownBagger » Mon Aug 26, 2013 2:51 pm

"But, they caught it early, right?"

Uh, no, they didn't.
Eric, 58
Dx: 3/09, Stage 4 RC
Recurrences: (ongoing, lung, bronchial cavity, ribs)
Major Ops: 6/ RFA: 3 /bronchoscopies: 8
Pelvic radiation: 5 wks. Bronchial radiation—brachytheray: 3 treatments
Chemo Rounds (career):136
Current Chemo Cocktail: Xeloda & Erbitux & Irinotecan biweekly
Current Cocktail; On the Wagon (mostly)
Bicycle miles post-dx 10,477
Motto: Live your life like it's going to be a long one, because it just might, and then you'll be glad you did.

KWT
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Re: My go at a things people say that irritate me post

Postby KWT » Mon Aug 26, 2013 2:54 pm

eric, that's a good one they think cause your walking they caught it early.


another one is "your gonna beat this" I hope so.

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Voxx66
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Re: My go at a things people say that irritate me post

Postby Voxx66 » Mon Aug 26, 2013 3:00 pm

Yep - those are both good ones to add to the list as though I haven't heard them much yet - odds are they are coming. I think I have had a couple of the you're going to beat this remarks.
DX and resect 10/2012 age 46
Stage IIa CRC
liver mets both lobes 8/2013
CEA 28
FOLFOX + Avastin 8/26/13 3 rounds
Folfox only 3 rds + rd 8
platelets low round 7,9,10 5FU only
1/14 CEA 1.0 y90
5fu
10/14 mets lung and peri
1/15 Folfiri

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kirac
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Re: My go at a things people say that irritate me post

Postby kirac » Mon Aug 26, 2013 3:51 pm

I love "but you caught early..." not really. I guess it could have been worse but I wish it was better!

our favorite is that everyone think my husband looks great! Yep, he lost those extra 15# pretty quickly and then we fattened him up with high caloric foods. They don't realize that he feels crappy a lot and has fun times with his bag. Oh well. I guess they just thought he'd be gaunt.
Husband (Age 36) 1/13 Dx Stage 3B rectal cancer
3/13 Chemoradiation
6/13 Tumor removed, Temp ileo, 1/15 nodes
7/13 Chemo = Oxaliplatin, Xeloda
1/14 Reversal
7/14 NED, CEA 1.8
12/14 CLEAR CT scan! NED

http://kickingasscancer.com/

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Voxx66
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Re: My go at a things people say that irritate me post

Postby Voxx66 » Mon Aug 26, 2013 3:59 pm

I'm vain enough that I think I won't mind being told I look great. Somehow, I am not sure that is going to be a frequent comment as it wasn't before this disease ha.
DX and resect 10/2012 age 46
Stage IIa CRC
liver mets both lobes 8/2013
CEA 28
FOLFOX + Avastin 8/26/13 3 rounds
Folfox only 3 rds + rd 8
platelets low round 7,9,10 5FU only
1/14 CEA 1.0 y90
5fu
10/14 mets lung and peri
1/15 Folfiri

teachpdx
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Re: My go at a things people say that irritate me post

Postby teachpdx » Mon Aug 26, 2013 6:35 pm

My favorite is "what's the prognosis?" - and I should tell you why? It's so intrusive so I usually beat them to the punch and tell them "I'm going to live". Saying "cured" sounds like tempting fate and since I have Lynch Syndrome seems like even a worse idea :?
4/24/12 RC T3N1M0 age 53
5/23-7/2 - 26 chemorad - Xeloda
7/16 Lynch- MSH2
8/28 LAR w/ temp ileo, CR, 0/11,M0, hysterectomy
10/13 6 cycles Xeloda - completed only 1 1/2 due to HFS
3/12/13 - reversal
8/13 NED
6/15 - HFS gone!

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GrouseMan
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Re: My go at a things people say that irritate me post

Postby GrouseMan » Mon Aug 26, 2013 9:03 pm

Ya - Everyone has been saying "your going to beat this" to my wife. Even her surgeon said your going to do just fine. (WTF with IVb CC?) Oncologist on the other hand says 2 to 5 years. So I like the surgeon a lot - he has discounted the spleen and lung mets, and took a look at her liver while he was in there and was somewhat surprised that it showed less than he was lead to believe by the CT scan. He just exudes confidence and you want to believe in him and that everything will work out just fine. Haven't met the oncologist yet but didn't like his 2 to 5 years statement he made to my wife when they first met, so I pretty much don't feel too good about him. That's really irritated me and shocked my wife. There is a disconnect somewhere. On the other hand she is an engineer and thinks of this as an engineering problem to be solved. I think she is taking it better than I am. She is also however getting irritated with me because I ask her how she feels all the time. I know she feels a LOT better than before the colon resection. But still I can't help being concerned. I know a lot about the effects from chemo, I once upon a time spent a good proportion of my career doing anti-cancer drug research. I know the score.

I know these statements irritate all you folks. But even care givers dislike hearing them as well. I wench every time I hear these statements in my wife's presence coming from friends and family.
DW 53 dx Jun 2013
CT mets Liver Spleen lung. IVb CEA~110
Jul 2013 Sig Resct
8/13 FolFox,Avastin 12Tx mild sfx, Ongoing 5-FU Avastin every 3 wks.
CEA: good marker
7/7/14 CT Can't see the spleen Mets.
8/16/15 CEA Up, CT new abdominal mets. Iri, 5-FU, Avastin every 2 wks.
1/16 Iri, Erbitux and likely Avastin (Trial) CEA going >.
1/17 CEA up again dropped from Trial, Mets growth 4-6 mm in abdomen
5/2/17 Failed second trial, Hospitalized 15 days 5/11. Home Hospice 5/26, at peace 6/4/2017

NWgirl
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Re: My go at a things people say that irritate me post

Postby NWgirl » Mon Aug 26, 2013 11:13 pm

"So - when are you done with chemo?" to which I reply "when it stops working".

The person usually has to think about that for a minute and by then I've walked away.
Belle - "Don't Retreat - Reload"DX 10/07 Stage III Rectal
Surgery 11/07; 27 of 38 nodes
Perm Colostomy 8/11
12/10 recurrence lungs & LN's
VATS Jan 2011
Radiation Oct 2013
Chemo for Life
2012 Colondar Model

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Ashlee H.
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Re: My go at a things people say that irritate me post

Postby Ashlee H. » Mon Aug 26, 2013 11:18 pm

Can't agree more with this irritating statements. "You'll beat this" is probably my least favorite.
The other day I was discussing ants (we seem to have a lot this year), and my friend said she doesn't like using bug spray. I asked, "why"? She said, "because it could kill you". Well, not worried about that - the ants got the spray.
One day at work, some were having coffee and I had my usual water. Someone said, "look at you, you are so healthy"...yeah, right....Stage IV cancer and I'm healthy because I'm drinking water.
Then there is this one guy at work - his wife went through breast cancer last year and is NED. Seems whenever we speak, he always mentions something about death - today I asked him how he was..."Ok, better than being below ground". I know he doesn't say these things to be mean or uncaring, they just seem to come out and I'm sure it is related to what he went through with his wife.
I basically tell people now, I will die from cancer, we just don't know when.
Stage IV w/liver met dx 7-1-09
KRAS Mutant
Member of the HIPECKERS (2011) and OLYMPHIANS (2012)
2/14 - standard chemo has stopped working
3/14 - Stivarga
LIVE LIFE!

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Voxx66
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Re: My go at a things people say that irritate me post

Postby Voxx66 » Tue Aug 27, 2013 12:16 am

I think I'm ok so far with anyone who is honestly curious. If they get too personal or I don't feel like talking about it I'll say something random and walk away while they try to figure out what I meant. I suspect I may be less tolerant the longer this continues. I do get annoyed with people who while trying to help, actually want something from me. Usually this is an emotional response of one sort or the other or an acknowledgement that of course I'll beat this and thank you so very much for making me say that as otherwise I would have been lost and hopeless. What I say if they let me be honest is that this is bad. The odds aren't great but it isn't hopeless. There are so many different ways this could go that the outlook will change regularly.
DX and resect 10/2012 age 46
Stage IIa CRC
liver mets both lobes 8/2013
CEA 28
FOLFOX + Avastin 8/26/13 3 rounds
Folfox only 3 rds + rd 8
platelets low round 7,9,10 5FU only
1/14 CEA 1.0 y90
5fu
10/14 mets lung and peri
1/15 Folfiri

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Cherie
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Location: New Zealand

Re: My go at a things people say that irritate me post

Postby Cherie » Tue Aug 27, 2013 12:40 am

I have had many people say stupid things but I think about when I was in their situation, finding out a friend or co worker had cancer....I never new what to say and did something worse which was avoid them just cause I didn't want to be a dick and say something dumb. Now I have people who avoid me.

The ut most stupid thing said to me, actually came from my gastro doctor, who told me I now hold his record for most cancer found in a colon. That one still rings in my ears.....

I just think now, nothing you can say will make me feel better but at least you still want to talk :)
36Yo F
2000 UC
2013 Stage 4 CC 15/126 LN spread to the omentum
June Collectomy all visible cancer removed
July Folfox + Avastin
2/14 clean scan
8/14 Ileo-anal pouch surgery still NED
1/15 Emergency illeostomy spread to peritoneum and small bowel

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Kathryn in MN
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Re: My go at a things people say that irritate me post

Postby Kathryn in MN » Tue Aug 27, 2013 2:13 am

"You'll beat this because you have such a positive attitude." REALLY? And my friends who have passed on despite their positive attitudes? I have inoperable stage IV colon cancer. I've been fighting for 4 years. Eventually if something else doesn't get me first (like a car accident) it will kill me. I have accepted that. Why can't everyone else?

"How many more rounds of chemo do you have to do?" or "How many rounds do you have to do this time?" Who the F$$K knows? I've been more on chemo than off the last 4 years. Chemo for life means just that - it is never over. Breaks yes, over no - not till I am nearing the end... I love when I reach a point of breaks, but constantly asking me this question drives me insane.

But the WORST one had to be the idiot check-out lady at Target. As my son & I go to purchase a sympathy card on our way to visitation for his friend who just died from brain cancer at age 21, she looks at my bald head and says, "Cancer?" I say yes, and she says, "But not anymore. You are cured. God told me you are cured." WTF? She has a personal line to God on this, but he forgot to tell me? And her timing sure was odd, because I'd just gotten the news that my CEA had climbed again that day. She really shook up my son too. He said that when I die he will go back and ask her if God told her that my cancer returned within minutes of it being gone! Some people are beyond insensitive - they are total idiots.

I also HATE how because of my bald head and the fact that I am a woman, everyone assumes I have breast cancer. It happens constantly. I've even had rude comments about how it must be nice that I got such large breasts for my replacements. ??? They are my real breasts, and if I had my way I'd get a reduction!

These have very rarely been people I know (except the positive attitude thing) - complete strangers that say the most stupid things. Somehow a bald head gives people the same rights that a pregnant belly does. And in both cases it is so WRONG! The only annoying thing I get from a few people I know are the links to the latest fad cure, etc.

Rant over... I have had plenty of people say nice things too. Those that just give a hug, or say that they think of me or pray for me, or wish I didn't have to go through this. Those who ask what they can do to help and mean it. Those who sign up to drive me to chemo. Lots of good eggs out there too.
CRC AUG09 Age 47
Sig Res T4a N2a Mx, KRAS mut codon13
Mets bones & nodes
FOLFOX, FOLFIRI, Avastin, Radiation
Irinotecan, Zaltrap & STAR RFA
APR13 pleurisy & ascites - more chemo & draining
http://www.caringbridge.org/visit/kathrynblume

jjlist
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Re: My go at a things people say that irritate me post

Postby jjlist » Tue Aug 27, 2013 7:01 am

"you look great!"
age 56
11/16/09 DIAG low rectal tumor ST II T3N0M0
12/21/09 chemopump radiation
3/18/10 suregry colo-anal anastomosis, no nodes,.
4/29/10 Abcess infection
6/3/10 started 12 folfox sessions completed 10.
1/11/11 ileostomy takedown

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Patience
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Re: My go at a things people say that irritate me post

Postby Patience » Tue Aug 27, 2013 7:24 am

As the wife, I have the un-pleasure of hearing things asked of my husband that make me really wonder about some people.

"Can you water my yard while I am on vacation?" [How about you come mow our lawn instead?]
"Can you give me a ride to the airport?" [How about you do an errand for him instead?]
"Can you donate to my fundraiser/cause/organization XXXX?" [How about you chip in for his medical bills instead?]

I guess this mini-rant is about what people ask him to do for them, not so much what they say ..... but I'll still post this.
"Sweet dreams till sunbeams find you.
Sweet dreams that leave all worries behind you."


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