Fighting depression - resigned from job of 30 years

[ptfly]

Kekeg,
I support your decision and wish you the best. We share the state we live in and if I can help in any way, pls let me know. I am a caregiver to my lovely wife and I have battled serious depression all of my adult life. Not sure if I can help but I am here if you need to talk.
PT

[Fred.R]

All I can say is, good for you for making the decision you thought was best for you.

I have been working non stop for nearly 20 years... when I got my "news" I went into denial, continued acting as though my collectomy was going to solve everything, I'd take a hit for a week and then get back on the treadmill. Even with the complication of a tear, and having to go back into the hospital for a few weeks, I was treating this like an inconvenience rather than the important, life-changing moment that it was.

Finally, I made the decision to throttle back on my decade long "Type A" march. Focus on healing, letting myself be sad and angry when it was time to be sad and angry and letting myself focus on the tough decisions - both daily to be made with my healing from surgery and the ones that are coming (Do I do Chemo with Type 2? If I don't, when do I do a reversal? When will I have my energy back?)

The second I put work behind my health and my family, it became easier for me to focus on healing and took TONS of pressure off me.

I understand not everybody has that luxury. But if you know in your heart you need time to absorb this and figure out your new normal and you can, I applaud the step back. I can only speak for myself - I have no idea who I will be after this journey. But I'm sure be it in small ways or big, it will change me. And I want the freedom to live the rest of my life as THAT person, rather than pretending to be who I was before the diagnosis and eat the pressure and constraints that would create.

Those are my thoughts. I hope some of them translate to your situation. Wishing you all the best.

- F

[tchan8888]

I share your depression. At times, I feel that cancer has robbed me of everything. Daily, I try to fight for some semblance of my old life. I know it is lost, but I keep searching for it in the hopes that I can recover all of the same energy, the same joys, the same dreams.

In two weeks, I will be going back to work after over 1 year away from the job. Here's what I dread. The looks. People will look at me as "That Guy." I hate this prospect and know it will happen. I will now be "That Guy With Cancer." I know they will wish me the best, but it is still something that I can't stand because I don't want to be pitied.

My two cents: Do what you can to give yourself the sense of purpose, which is what I am trying, but not yet succeeding, in doing.

Blessings,

T

[Kekeg]

T. Thank you for your response. Wishing you the best for your first week back at work. I think you will find most people will welcome you back and be supportive. I start my last week at work tomorrow, leaving my job of 33 years on Friday. I think we should each get a good nights rest and face the workplace with positive approach. Good luck.

[teachpdx]

To Michael,

I so feel for you. Working in an office always felt like prison to me. I worked in a hospital at a job I enjoyed but ended badly due to undiagnosed ADHD. Anyway I described my years at said hospital as I "did" 9 years at ...like I DID time. I'm fortunate to have SSD. I just had bunion surgery because my insurance is running out and the bunion was causing me pain and competing for pain with the unending Hand and Foot syndrome. I always felt lucky that I didn't walk on my hands so they didn't hurt as much as my feet. Now my hands are killing me and I realize that I am REALLY disabled and it makes me sad. BTW bunion surgery SO much less painful than first one - praise God.

Then I think that I could be in your situation and am thankful that I have a bit of a choice.As a substitute teacher, I have flexibility; although, I'm beginning to think that I may be "just a substitute" (usually meant as an insult) and be OK with it because I DO have limitations, and do I want to be tired and in pain (HFS) all the time? I was feeling great before the bunion surgery, but I was able to manage the time on my feet and I shoes that I wore. I'm rambling. Just going an about another side affect of cancer and coming to grips with my new reality. Can be depressing. kgd