hddad228 wrote:finaly a place i can vent, my wife is basicly good to me in making sure i am alive, getting me to the dr, and ensuring i get fed and keep my water level up. my kids are my kids, teen agers with much more going on in their lives that than need to bother with what i have going on in mine, as long as i am there to keep the car running or to dole out the gas money, they are all good, mom, dad, sisters and other relatives all live out of state so all i have is me, and basicly my wife to contend with, what she does not understand is that sometimes i just need a little re-enforcment of her appriciation for me, i am greatful that she cares for me, but i still need more as a person, a little intamacy goes along way, and i dont just mean on the sexual side, god know i am no where near doing any thing like that even though i may think i would like to, but how about something other than how do you feel? have you taken your meds? have you finsished your water? how about thanks for doing this for me, when we are done we are going to do something fun, i may seem selfish and self centerd on this, but i am the one who loses days on end being sick,worries about losing the all providing job, i just may have to open my mouth on this one
Not only, as Kathryn said, is your wife not a mind reader, but believe it or not she is going through her own struggle. When I was diagnosed and then went through treatment, I think it was probably harder on my wife than me. She may feel completely powerless, has to face the prospect of life without you, and when you're strung out on chemo she has to deal with everything. There has been a complete shift in the dynamic in your household. Not to sound dramatic or flippant, but yeah, you might die but guess who has to carry on on her on with all that loss? It's daunting to think about it. Cut her some slack and talk to her. Ask her how SHE'S doing.
Now, on the subject of family, it's amazing how my father became "the cancer patient's father" and my sister became "the cancer patient's sister." while I get it, it felt like that became the issue and how they needed this and that, and I had to subordinate my own needs and wants for theirs. Life has nt been the same with them ever since.
Dx RC, T3N1M0, Feb. 2009
LAR, Ileostomy June 2009
12 Folfox tx
Ileostomy takedown Jan. 2010
June 2014 five years NED
married w/7 children