Throwing in the towel

[DaniMags]

With many tears and alot of talking, I have decided I can't do this anymore. Guess it kind of helps that there are no treatments either. I had such an agonizing Monday nite that I made my mind up. I was filled once again with ascites (drained twice in the last four weeks) but I also have lung damage from my previous tx (tdm-1) and mets. It is so hard to breathe and it really frightened me a few times. If that's not enough my left foot is totally swollen. Doc sent me for an ultrasound to rule out a clot. Negative on that but my artery is almost totally shut down from my foot to thigh. I haven't quite decided to call Hospice yet as my husband will be bringing our bed downstairs this weekend and rearranging things for the comfort of guests. Doc is working on getting an abdominal drain to be accessed at home.

One thing I must say, I thought telling my mother I had cancer was the hardest thing I would have to do but this, this....takes the cake especially since my younger sister is right behind me.

I'll still be on reading every night and keep you all updated.

God be with you all,
Dani

[Ashlee H.]

Dani - I was so sorry to read your thread. But, you know we "get it" and support you. I've learned so much from this group, and one of those things have been that I want to make the choices at the end. I hate that you are in the end stage - but so happy you have loved ones to surround you on the final journey. May they keep you comfortable and out of pain. Your race may be coming to an end, but what a race you have run! You are a hero to many. Your life has mattered. You made a difference in this world.

[Traffic_Dude]

I want to thank you for your post. I'm not there yet but your words have helped me understand my potential end point a little better and some of the stuff i might face in the future. Thank you for taking the time to send it even though it probably sucked writing it out. Very courageous.

God bless Dani. I'm wishing you the best at this point and will be thinking of you.

Tim

[NWgirl]

That has got to be the most agonizing decision you will ever have to make. I have such respect for your strength and courage to say "enough". Many of us will reach that point and have to make the same decision. Please know you are in my thoughts and prayers.

[tammylayne]

Sending you the most gentle hugs and strongest thoughts as you face this next step of your journey. I wish you lots of pain free time surrounded by all who you love and that love you.

Please always know that your CC family are thinking of you...always...

[tchan8888]

Dani,

Thank you so much for sharing your difficult decision. You have displayed amazing strength and inspiration. Thank you again.

Be blessed,

Tom

[skypup]

Dear Dani,
I add my thanks to you for leading those of us who will be following by your example of how to fight well and hard, and then have the wisdom and courage to say enough. May they find ways to make you comfortable so you can engage in this next part of the journey. Thank you for staying in touch, it means a lot to me to share our humanity over these electron beams--I want to support you and it keeps me from feeling alone in all this, as well.
About hospice, they are for the last six months (or more), not just the last couple of weeks, and are able to bring much comfort to people, including offering volunteers who can give caregivers a break or can run errands, etc. If you have a good one available, you might want to give them a try.
Gentlest hugs.

[SoConfused]

Dani - I am thinking about you and your family ... and sending you all prayers for peace and comfort during this difficult time. I don't think you're throwing in the towel at all ... you've lived with your disease with grace and dignity, and are proactively managing your care by deciding what is the most appropriate step for you now.

[luvmymom]

Sending you love.

[janklo]

Sorry you have reached this state, but I hope for pain free days with your loved ones ahead.

[Lisahopes]

Dani I am so sorry that you have reached this point in your journey.

Please ensure that you are well taken care of and surrounded by family and friends.

I wish you peace on this part of your journey.

[Guinevere]

I'm so very sorry it's gotten to this point but, like someone else here said, we get it. I hope you can get hospice for comfort and to give your caregivers a break. Please know you're a blessing here and always have been.

God bless ~
Guinevere

[scattered edge]

Thanks for sharing with us, Dani. I respect you and admire your grace and courage. May your days and nights be filled with comfort and love.

Rosie

[concernedrelative]

DaniMags- I so respect your decision. Watching my wife's side effects increase (in her primary site) and the Regorafenib cause fatigue and hand/foot soreness for now, I question how much more she will be able to handle without being heavily medicated. I pray she has the same presence of mind as you do when the time is right.

Wishing you our very best, Concerned Relative

[Tmitchelltotammielee]

Dani,
Thank you for sharing your decision with all of us. I hope you find peace as you enter this phase of your journey. My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family.
Tammie