it's five years today

[skypup]

So today is my five-year cancerversary, and it is truly bittersweet. I find myself imagining what today would feel like if I hadn't had mets--what a celebration it would be! But no, it's not a celebratory time. I am, however, truly and deeply grateful to have had five years because I realize so many don't get this amount of time. I have only been on this forum for about 8 months and we have lost so many. So I sit here grateful for life, for the freedom to choose my QOL path, for some good medical care, for some grace found in surprising places, for the fact that I have just about enough in savings to get me through my remaining years, for a home to live in, for Colorado mountain campgrounds and the strength to still hike the trails, and always for my wonderful Sky who is here with me through thick and thin. The first hope I expressed five years ago is that I outlive her so she doesn't need to lose me (she is an extreme one-person dog); it remains my greatest hope today--and I hope she lives to be 16 like most of my dogs have! At the same time as I am feeling grateful, I find I have become wiser in some difficult ways. I have felt the limits of love from family and friends; I have experienced some atrocious medical care; I have had to let go of who I was, a person with a career, a savings plan, a life stretching out ahead. This morning a woman who I had invited to have dinner with me tonight to mark this day got offended because I texted instead of called, one last challenge in a long string, and so on this day I released her to her own path. Another hard lesson in how to walk a true walk, and it is sometimes lonelier than I would like. Yet I will get to spend today with another friend who came into my life more recently but is able to live in a balance of sharing, talking, and listening. So my path remains a blessed path. I look back with gratitude at a woman I barely knew who sent me a card every single chemo week for that first hard year. She taught me how to better be there for others. I am so grateful to all of you, my fellow journeyers, and wish you all blessings. In the words of the Buddhists, may all beings be happy, may all beings be free from suffering.

[andy21]

The journey is lovely dark and deep
But I have promises to keep
one has miles to go before one sleeps
and miles to go before one sleeps.


Original Poem: (By Robert Frost)

Stopping by Woods on a Snowy Evening



Whose woods these are I think I know.
His house is in the village, though;
He will not see me stopping here
To watch his woods fill up with snow.

My little horse must think it queer
To stop without a farmhouse near
Between the woods and frozen lake
The darkest evening of the year.

He gives his harness bells a shake
To ask if there is some mistake.
The only other sound's the sweep
Of easy wind and downy flake.

The woods are lovely, dark, and deep,
But I have promises to keep,
And miles to go before I sleep,
And miles to go before I sleep.

[curious56]

I know this will sound odd to some -- and I hope not to offend you, Skypup, or anyone else.

To me, cancer and other health issues have been, in many ways, a "gift". A total type-A, I have learned to slow down, smell the proverbial roses, count my blessings, forgive, let go of unimportant things, etc. So many of the things you said in this remarkable post ring true with me.

Skypup (a Blue Heeler???) is beautiful.

You are in my prayers!

[tchan8888]

SP,

That's a keeper post for me. Thank you for your eloquence and reminders of what we can be grateful for on this challenging journey.

Blessings,

T

[Ashlee H.]

Skypup - how great to make it to the five year mark and now you are going to mess with the survival stats! I have a year to go before my 5...and I want to make it for a lot of reasons, but one so I can increase those depressing stats.
Cancer a gift? - to a point. It does change how you think about your life and world. However, it would be a much better gift if I had cancer and it never came back. I would have learned, but still had a life to look forward to.
But, getting back to Skypup - I do a happy dance for you today. Five years is something to celebrate. Find a guilty pleasure and enjoy!

[andy21]

I sincerely hope that you would soon be rewarded with magic cure that are in pipeline as below:
http://en.rian.ru/science/20130327/180288463.html

US Scientists Find One Drug to Fight Different Cancers

WASHINGTON, March 27 (RIA Novositi) - Researchers at the Stanford University School of Medicine in California have discovered a single drug that has killed or shrunk every kind of cancer tumor it has been used against.

The drug blocks a protein called CD47, which cancer cells produce in large amounts and thereby trick the body’s immune system into not destroying the cancer cells. Scientists have created an antibody that blocks CD47, prompting the immune system to attack the cancer cells.

“We showed that even after the tumor had taken hold, the antibody can either cure the tumor or slow its growth and prevent metastasis,” biologist Irving Weissman of the Stanford University School of Medicine was quoted by Science Magazine as saying.

The drug was effective against several kinds of cancer tumors that were transplanted into mice, including human breast, ovary, colon, bladder, brain, liver and prostate tumors. In every case the antibody was able to get the mice’s immune system to kill the cancer cells.

“It is the first antibody treatment shown to be broadly effective against a variety of human solid tumors, and the dramatic response … has the investigators eager to begin phase-1 and -2 human clinical trials within the next two years,” the Stanford School of Medicine reported on its website.

The research was published Tuesday on the website of the Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences.

A decade ago Weissman discovered that leukemia cells produce higher levels of CD47 than healthy cells, Science Magazine reported. And in the last several years, Weissman and his team of researchers discovered that blocking CD47 with an antibody cured some cases of lymphoma and leukemia in mice by stimulating the immune system to see the cancer cells as invaders.

“What we’ve shown is that CD47 isn’t just important on leukemias and lymphomas,” Weissman said. “It’s on every single human primary tumor that we tested.”

Weissman’s research team recently received a $20 million grant from the California Institute for Regenerative Medicine for human studies, according to Science Magazine.

[BrownBagger]

Hey, Skypup--what a great milestone. I'm coming up on 5 years next March. I fully intend to be around to enjoy "beating the odds," as they say, even if I'm still "going down slow," which I assume will still be the case. (Though I'm always hoping for a little remission breathing room).

Congratulations, my friend.

[Badass]

Ashlee, I really, really appreciate what you said. I think about that all the time when I contemplate how cancer has eased some life pains for me, but only if it never, ever returns! That is absolutely spot-on.

Skypup, many congratulations and wishing you many, many more happy anniversaries. I love the image of walking the mountains with a devoted dog!

[annalexandria]

Here's hoping you and Sky walk those Colorado trails for many years to come! Hugs~AA

[raym]

I know this will sound odd to some -- and I hope not to offend you, Skypup, or anyone else.

To me, cancer and other health issues have been, in many ways, a "gift". A total type-A, I have learned to slow down, smell the proverbial roses, count my blessings, forgive, let go of unimportant things, etc. So many of the things you said in this remarkable post ring true with me.

Skypup (a Blue Heeler???) is beautiful.

You are in my prayers!

I was going to write a similar post. Though I would use the word opportunity rather than gift.

[SoConfused]

congratulations on reaching this milestone.

Today is my 2-year cancervarsary! I wish us both many more, happier years ahead.

[vancouver eve]

Congratulations on your anniversary. I wish you the best for the future so that you will be around for your furbaby.

[jacekica]

Skypup, thank you for such wonderful, wise and illuminating post, it is so similar to my life, my thining, my dog....I hope you will have many more years with your dog, immunotherapy can make a miracle and you can get so many healthy years for hiking, knowing new people....it is interesting and azing how many old friends dissappeared and how many new friends pop up in our lives.
Thank you for this postagain and congratulations for 5 years -huge milestone for al of us, I am amosthalf way to this cancerversary.

[Bev G]

Skypup, I, like so many of your friends here, am ELATED that you've made it to five years, and fervently hope and pray you are with us for many, many more.

Sending you much love.

Bev

[juliej]

(Deep bow to Skypup)

May you have many more years of hiking the mountain trails with your dog. Thank you for your grace and truth.