The kindness of others

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The kindness of others

Postby debzak » Thu Jun 20, 2013 2:22 pm

So I had 2 overwhelming things happen today because of my cancer. Firstly, we decided to get an estimate from a cleaning services, to come 1 or 2 times a month. The owner if the service came this morning to see our house. We live in a simple 3 bedroom 2 bath ranch house in New Jersey. We stated that I was I'll and had surgery and would be starting chemo again, hence why we needed the help. The lady wrote up the biweekly service charge and stated that the initial cleaning, which is usually more expensive, would be on the house. My husband and I were speechless, but thankful.

Then I needed to make an appointment for my second daughter to get her graces put on. We are using the same orthodontist we used for our older daughter. I had been to the office 3 weeks ago and told the doc we were ready to get started and he should just send us the contract. I told him about my recurrence and that we Judy wanted to get the braces started before things got even crazier. When I called today I mentioned that the contact did not have the info about the payment plan. The receptionist checked the chart and told me that the doctor would be accepting the insurance payments as paid in full! I started to cry!

I realize than these are small expenses for large companies. They are probably even right offs, but still, I didn't know what to say. We did not ask for discounts, but they are of course helpful, yet I feel guilty at the same time. I don't want to feel like I am taking advantage of my illness.

My husband will speak to the orthodontist when they go to the appointment, maybe negotiate a discount that I am more comfortable with. I was too overwhelmed with just the offer to even talk about it.

But while I am on a steak maybe I should go to Home Depot tonight because we really need to replace our shower stall ;)

2/27/12 dx rectal cancer (stage III)
3/6/12 44th B-day
3/19/12 Oxi & 5-FU (8 rounds)
7/9/12 chemo-rad
11/5/12 LAR surgery temp ileo
1/20/13 4 rounds Xeloda
5/13 multiple liver mets
6/4/13 HAI pump at Sloan
KRAS wild & BRAF mutation found :(

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Re: The kindness of others

Postby janklo » Thu Jun 20, 2013 2:26 pm

That is so nice - it really restores your faith in mankind, doesn't it! It's a real pick-me-up to think that these people who don't really know you are so willing to do a kindness for you and your family.
Mom to 28 yo daughter
colectomy 2/22/10, stage 3C, signet cell
7/2011 peritoneal mets
HIPEC September 2012, difficult recovery
Hospice 10/31/2012, Died 11/16/2012

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Re: The kindness of others

Postby momof3 » Thu Jun 20, 2013 2:31 pm

That is really nice and brought tears to my eyes. You should graciously accept on the braces and use that money to have some fun with your family. didn't ask for it and I'm sure it will make the doctor feel good to know how much you appreciate it.
Husband was 46 when diagnosed stage 4 aug 2012
folfox and avastin ... then surgery april 2013
mets only to paraaortic nodes
Mets to femurs and spine found Nov 2013

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Re: The kindness of others

Postby rosa01 » Thu Jun 20, 2013 4:59 pm


I really liked your post. I hope both of them receive a special blessing. Take care and have a special weekend.

DX 12/11 DH Stg 4 cc age 60
12/20/1 1 lungs mets
2/1/12 started chemo oxe/ava/5-fu
3/12 liver mete fnd
5/12 new chemo irt/Eberix
8/12 lung surg
10/12 irt/Eberix
11/22- 02/2013 NED
02/13 nw right lung met
06/13 2 New liver lesion
06/13 chemo ?

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Joined: Fri Aug 12, 2011 11:07 pm
Location: Connecticut

Re: The kindness of others

Postby mymom » Thu Jun 20, 2013 9:25 pm

Wonderful. I would just accept the generosity. If someone wants to do it...let them. My mothers hairdresser refused to charge her for a haircut ever since her hair grew back.
Stage 4 CC DX 5/11
colon/livr rsct 5/11(1 met)
Folfox July-11/11
NED to 5/12
New Primry BC-4/12,Stage 1
2 livermet 5/2012
Liver rsct,HAI 6/12,Folfiri
NED to 10/13,1 liver met,ablation, Folfiri
NED to 12/14, another spot
3/15 NED
Ablation 1 liver met 10/15
1/16 NED

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Joined: Tue Mar 12, 2013 12:29 pm

Re: The kindness of others

Postby srwl21901 » Thu Jun 20, 2013 9:50 pm

That is awesome. So glad you are in an area with such kindness and generosity.
Stage 3
Rectal cancer
DX 2/20/13
LAR 3/27/13
Xeloda (canceled)
Port placed on May 8, 2013
Stage IV metastasis in lymph nodes
Seeking treatment now

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Re: The kindness of others

Postby cecioboe » Thu Jun 20, 2013 11:22 pm

There are so many caring and giving people. I'm so glad you and your family are recipients of their generosity. Just pay it forward when you see someone in need.
Wife to Jim Stage IV RC w/liver mets
DX 9/16/11
Oct - Dec 2011 chemo/rad
1/04/12 ileo
1/16/12 LAR, liver resection
2/29/12 blockage, emer surg, ileo rev
4/16/12- 9/16/12 chemo
10/22/12 - 3/21/17 NED
De-ported 6/24/16

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Re: The kindness of others

Postby -Sophie- » Fri Jun 21, 2013 3:00 am

The amazing amount of kindness I have been shown is amazing. I have had to learn how to accept help and truley appreciate it. I am sure you would go out of your way to help some one in your position so accept the offers and say thank you. It's always hard to accept it but do it. I second spending the money on fun things for your family.
29 yo f w daughters 5 & 2
Dx nov 2012- 3c (T4N2M0)
Chemo/rad Dec 2012 - Jan 2013
16 march 2013 LAR + rad hyst, temp ileostomy
Patho no viable cancer found, 0/10 lymph nodes
April - June 2013 Chemo 5fu, 4 rounds
July 31st 2013 reversal and port removal

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Re: The kindness of others

Postby Sophy » Fri Jun 21, 2013 4:15 am

I hadn't thought how important it is to allow other people to help me until one day when I was ill a friend prayed out loud - please let her accept our assistance and let us help her as she needs us to.

Then I realised that it is important to be a recipient so that others can be donors. We all want to give help but sometimes we have to be the ones to receive help.

Wishing you all the best

dx T3N1M0 Feb 11 when children age 11, 7 and 2
Xeloda/rad March 11, LAR June 11 temp ileo
Xelox 6 rounds, NED
Lung mets Oct 13
Laser surgery Germany Jan 14. 3 mets left lung.
Laser surgery UK Jun and Aug 14 one met each lung, NED
Aug 14 Started Xeloda and Celebrex (ADAPT)
Nov 2017 CT show still NED
Continuing ADAPT

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Re: The kindness of others

Postby Val*pal » Fri Jun 21, 2013 5:04 am

Yes, accepting random acts of kindness or offers of help is important. I know my son gets frustrated because his step-dad, the cancer patient, won't ever accept little offers of assistance. Though I know there's probably some male pride thing wrapped up in this, I feel it's more kind to accept help once in a while. Last week when I was with my husband at the hospital for his infusion, in the infusion area I saw a sign that said something like "Let others be of help." I realized that probably a lot of cancer patients, not just my husband, need to learn to help us by letting us help them. There's so little caregivers can do to turn the tide of events, so allowing us to do something nice makes us feel like we're useful.
DH dx'ed May '11, age 62
Jul '11: resection Stage IV
10/11: 6 mo Folfox
8/12:thyr canc, surg/tx
2/13: peri mets
2/13: Firi/Avas
6/13: Ok
8/13: break
10/13: Lung, peri, mets
10/13: Firi/Erb
1/14: Erb Fail; spread
5/14: Tx stopped
6/20/14: At rest

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Re: The kindness of others

Postby SammyJ » Fri Jun 21, 2013 6:16 am

Hi Debbi

My guess is this is partly about karma and all your support for others in the past is coming back to you. Drink it all in and let it give you even more strength.

Sam x
Diagnosed Stage 3A Rectal Cancer March 12, age 39
ULAR and temp ileostomy March 12
Folfox started April 12 , completed Oct 12.
NED 16/10/12
Ileostomy reversal 23 Nov 12....

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Re: The kindness of others

Postby debzak » Fri Jun 21, 2013 7:58 am

Thank you all for the support. I think it is hardest to accept the support, especially from the orthodontist, because of its financial value. I know I didn't ask for "free" braces, and he just wants to help us out.

I will do my best to accept the help of others and definetely pay it foward whenever I can.

2/27/12 dx rectal cancer (stage III)
3/6/12 44th B-day
3/19/12 Oxi & 5-FU (8 rounds)
7/9/12 chemo-rad
11/5/12 LAR surgery temp ileo
1/20/13 4 rounds Xeloda
5/13 multiple liver mets
6/4/13 HAI pump at Sloan
KRAS wild & BRAF mutation found :(

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Facebook Username: Belle Piazza
Location: Battle Ground, Washington

Re: The kindness of others

Postby NWgirl » Fri Jun 21, 2013 11:30 am

Wow - that is wonderful! It's so nice to hear of these acts of kindness. When I started chemo back in 2008 I got a housekeeper to come in every 2 weeks. It helps so much. It allows you to spend your time and energy on things you really want to do instead of things you feel you have to do.

And having 2 kids in braces, I know how expensive that is. Our dental insurance just renewed and we have NO coverage at all for orthodontics. And my kids REALLY need braces. So that's a wonderful gift this doctor is giving you. We pay for the braces monthly - spread out over 3 years (no interest). The additional expense that we are incurring from having no insurance is going to be tacked onto the end of the contract - again, with no interest. So that's not too bad.

It really does renew your faith in others when these things happen. Thank you for sharing!
Belle - "Don't Retreat - Reload"DX 10/07 Stage III Rectal
Surgery 11/07; 27 of 38 nodes
Perm Colostomy 8/11
12/10 recurrence lungs & LN's
VATS Jan 2011
Radiation Oct 2013
Chemo for Life
2012 Colondar Model

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Re: The kindness of others

Postby SoConfused » Fri Jun 21, 2013 11:39 am

That's what wonderful and heart warming ... there are still good people in this world who want to help others and care about others.

Since my diagnosis, I have been touched by the love and kindness of so many. What has surprised me most though is that this love and kindness, often, came from unexpected sources, total strangers sometimes ... those that I had considered closer friends and some even in my family, abandoned me in my time of need.
Stage IV CC

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Re: The kindness of others

Postby d-it-up » Fri Jun 21, 2013 12:11 pm

Thank you for sharing this beautiful story!

I remember when I was going through treatments, I really had a hard time accepting anything from anyone. But then I think back on my life, and remember all of the times that I had done similar things for people in difficult situations, and I tried to swallow my pride and let them give because I could relate to how it made them feel.

My husband hated it when people did things for us - like the time 27 of our family and friends came out for a "Yard Crashers Party" and got our jungle under control. I considered it a true blessing, but it made my husband feel like he was being judged for not keeping things together while I was sick.

I always told him, "This isn't about you....this is about what my friends and family need right now." They all wanted to help, but didn't know how.
Rectal Cancer Diagnosed 10/5/11 @ 38, 3T-0N-0M
Chemoradiation 10/31-12/8 (Xeloda)
Surgery 1/30/12 - 0/26 nodes
9 rounds of Oxi/5FU
Illeostomy reversal surgery 8/13/12
Declared NED!

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