Father has cancer in his colon,liver,& lungs.

[TIASHA]

Hi,I'm new to this site.My father was diagnosed with colon cancer January 4 2013.Shortly after we were told it had spread to the liver.my dad tried chemo the first attempt he had a stoke,when he tried chemo the second time around his body went into shock and he had a heart attack,and was in a coma for five days.After being hospitalized for 3weeks my father decided he didn't want to try any other treatment.That is when the doctor told us he would have 2-3 to live this was on March 16,2013.I am so lost right now.my dad has lost so much weight,he says he has no taste for foods and he is tired a lot,some days are better then others but he claims he is in no pain.Please help me I am so lost right now.

[Bev G]

Hello and welcome t the board.

I am sorry to hear what an awful time your dad and you have had, and presumably the rest of your family as well. Have his doctors gotten a good palliative care doctor involved? They are generally a wonderful addition to care when this sort of terrible situation exists. Perhaps you can speak with his care team about this. I hope you'll let us know how we may support you.

Bev

[mackswife]

Tiasha,

It sounds as if your father is a very courageous man. I can't imagine going back for a second round of chemo after having such a bad experience with the first round. But your father did go back and try again. And now, after the second terrible experience, he is making another courageous decision. I agree with Bev that a palliative care specialist would be of great help to you and your dad right now. Hospice specializes in helping people be as comfortable as possible as they move through the final months of their lives. My experience has taught me that the hospice nurses, doctors, social workers, and chaplains, will try to move mountains to help their patients, and the family members, cope with the physical, emotional and spiritual challenges they are facing. They will come to your father's home, and make certain comfort medications are delivered to him, thereby minimizing the number of times he would have to go to the doctor. Your father's oncologist can make a referral, and arrange a consult with a hospice organization in your area. I think it's important to remember that hospice is something your father can "try" for a few weeks. If he doesn't find it helpful, he can always discontinue their services.

I do hope you continue to reach out to the people on this forum, and keep us posted about how you and your dad are doing. In the meantime,
my thoughts and prayers are with you.

Pattie

[mackswife]

Tiasha,

It sounds as if your father is a very courageous man. I can't imagine going back for a second round of chemo after having such a bad experience with the first round. But your father did go back and try again. And now, after the second terrible experience, he is making another courageous decision. I agree with Bev that a palliative care specialist would be of great help to you and your dad right now. Hospice specializes in helping people be as comfortable as possible as they move through the final months of their lives. My experience has taught me that the hospice nurses, doctors, social workers, and chaplains, will try to move mountains to help their patients, and the family members, cope with the physical, emotional and spiritual challenges they are facing. They will come to your father's home, and make certain comfort medications are delivered to him, thereby minimizing the number of times he would have to go to the doctor. Your father's oncologist can make a referral, and arrange a consult with a hospice organization in your area. I think it's important to remember that hospice is something your father can "try" for a few weeks. If he doesn't find it helpful, he can always discontinue their services.

I do hope you continue to reach out to the people on this forum, and keep us posted about how you and your dad are doing. In the meantime,
my thoughts and prayers are with you.

Pattie

[Guinevere]

Praying they have your dad on a good palliative care plan. Like others have said, your dad is definitely courageous and brave to keep trying after the first infusion. Being his daughter, I have an idea you've inherited these qualities even if you're not feeling very brave or courageous right now. The picture is just too vast for us to really comprehend so I concentrate on doing the next right thing. Probably sounds weird but, for me, that means I take my meds today. Tomorrow, I will deal with tomorrow. I know it's different as a daughter and caregiver. Y'all have to think of everything and try to make things better for us. You and your dad are in my prayers.
God bless ~
Guinevere

[TIASHA]

Thank you so much for your quick response,it's a very difficult time for my father right now so it is my turn to be strong for him like he has been for me my whole life.God bless you.

[TIASHA]

Thank you so much.It brought tears to my eyes reading your response.I hide my pain daily because I have to keep strong to give my father the strength he needs from me at this time.god is amazing,I remind my father daily to allow god to carry him through this time in his life.God bless you.

[hannahw]

One thing to remember is that there's no real template for end of life. Things like hospice care be helpful, but the experience itself is different for everyone. You and I won't have the same experience. More importantly, you won't have the same experience as members of your own family. There isn't a right or wrong way, although there are probably some ways that are more destructive than constructive. Everyone copes in their own way. Everyone has their own time frame in terms of how they process and respond. So I think it's really important to be gentle and kind to yourself and to everyone in your family. try to be very selective about what battles you choose to fight.

For example, a friend of mine's Mom was dying and one of his brothers kinda disappeared near the end. There was, understandably, a lot of anger and frustration. Efforts were made to drag the brother back into the fold. My guess is that the brother probably struggled after their mother died. But in the moment, he felt he needed to be away. Ultimately, you can't force what you think is best/right on someone else. Do the best you can and offer unconditional support to your loved ones.

Also, remember that meaningful closure can be had with or without words. Simply sitting with your Dad, being present for him, even if you exchange no words, can bring you both a great deal of peace.

[TIASHA]

Thank you and yes you are exactly right.Im the only girl out of five boys,I'm the youngest child also.I immediately moved back to my fathers house once he was diagnosed with cancer I knew he needed me there with him so he wouldn't be by himself.Out of my five brothers well they will call him once a week to check on him.They won't even come over and do the lawn.I went ahead and hired a lawn company even though all five of my brothers are here in the same town.It makes me upset only because I know it hurts my fathers to see the actions of them.I never say a word about it and as mad as it makes me it's not my place to judge there actions.I thank you for your advice and lifting words.God bless you.

[ConnieSPK]

Hi Tiasha,

Thank you for being such a loving, caring daughter to your father. With that said, I have a word to say about your brothers (if you don't mind). You need to yell, scream, smack the back of their collective heads or whatever it takes to make them grasp the situation properly and the gravity of it. My own husband needed a "reality check" with regard to my cancer. Sometimes there's denial and avoidance (and fear) that keeps them away, as if you don't see it, it's not real, right? Anyway, I had to put in my two cents because you sound like you've got the world on your shoulders. You need to get your feelings out and expressed to them, whether they respond or not, at least you won't be holding all those emotions in along with taking care of your Daddy.

Good Luck to you and stay in touch

Connie

[TIASHA]

Yes sometimes at night I just have to let it all out and I break down.I have a 3yr old son and a 10yr old daughter and I can't let them as well as dad see me break,so I do it in my quiet time.They are wonderful kids and they keep it very entertaining at the house they are constantly doing things with dad even though he is in bed a lot more they just take their toys in grandpas room and play.Watching them still make grandpa play race cars or barbies is the best treatment/medication my dad could ever have.
You are correct I do need to voice my opinion to them I constantly wonder how and why they would treat their father this way,one thing in my life that stands out to me so loud now is that my father provided and cared for every last one of us even after we were grown.He has been a true definition of a father in so many ways of all of our lives.Now that Im a parent its has made me appreciate and understand everything it involves.Im unsure if they even realize the gravity of the situation because I myself didn't want to from the start.No matter what I will be with him the whole way

[TIASHA]

Thank you for your post,and I will stay in touch.
Thanks for listening to me being on this site helps me so much.

TIASHA

[livingbyfaith]

I went to Michigan to care for my Dad for over a year as he battled prostate cancer, was in his middle 80's. God blessed me with strength and so many good memories. The two brothers were distant also so I did everything, however I would never take it back. The memories I cherish. Like you I was on the internet searching for help. I must say I found an herb that enabled him to die pain free, in fact the pain stopped the day he started it. God bless you my dear, your father is blessed to have you. And your kids are watching what a good daughter does. God bless.